Number 1. Poisoning. I'm afraid of poisoning but even more than I'm afraid of poisoning, I'm afraid of my fear of poisoning. So I have obsessive compulsive disorder and some of it centers around poisoning and I'm really afraid that my fear of poisoning will result in like really bad health outcomes. So I worry a lot like completely for no good reason about, you know, tap water being safe to drink, which means I end up drinking a lot of Diet Dr. Pepper and Lacroix. But it's completely weird because like of course tap water is better for me objectively than Diet Dr Pepper, and yet at the same time I find it very difficult to drink tap water, but I could drink Diet Dr Pepper all flipping day. In fact, I'm drinking it right now.
Number 2. The return of my disabling vertigo. I was looking down in a drawer for some change and all at once, I completely lost my sense of balance and I started throwing up and I couldn't see straight and my, my eyes couldn't focus. Completely incapacitating, terrifying. And then it slowly got better over the course of a few weeks and vertigo is a reminder for me that we have more than five senses. It's just that we take them for granted. You know, we take for granted our sense of balance in the world, we take for granted our our ability to understand right from left, our ability to stand straight up and, you know, see the world as, as one kind of consistent thing. It's also one of those things where you realize that life is incredibly fragile, and that none of it is guaranteed to you and that all of the kind of promises of stability that you whisper to yourself are, you know, are are not really promises that that you or the universe can keep.
Number 3. That the United States will somehow default on its debt.
Number 4. Global disease pandemic that will result in the breakdown of human norms. I'm not somebody who's going to survive in a survivalist situation. You know? I'm not a prepper. Really what it's a fear of is that I would like die a slow and miserable death.
Number 5. That we are among the last generations of humans.
Number 6. Geese.
Number 7. That the Internet is frying my brain or just in general somehow bad for me.
Number 8. That The Mountain Goats will never record another album. I love The Mountain Goats. I love them like, I feel like The Mountain Goats are both my favorite band and my second favorite band. I think that as we get older, a lot of people don't have the same level of excitement about fandom that they used to have. My favorite people find a way to hold onto it or find a way to be fans of something in a totally un-ambivalent, passionate, un-ironic, unafraid to be like, "yeah I'm that guy" way. And as I've gotten older I've realized like, just love something. Yes! Like it's so, I'm so strongly in favor of loving things. You know?
Number 9. That I will somehow be convinced to upload my consciousness or in some other way, avoid death in a manner that could potentially be horrible.
Number 10. Mice. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
My name is John Green and these are ten things that scare me.