Isaac here. Isaac here. Okay, Isaac here. Isaac here. Isaac in the house. Hello. Hello. Me. Me. Me. One, two, three, four. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hello.
Number one. Becoming irrelevant. I am really afraid of being an old fart.
Two. Getting reviewed.
Three. Performing on stage. You have to walk on stage the same way you walk into a party with a big smile, right? And think, I'm so happy to be here, you know? Or you're going to have people hating you. I have this routine. I do my circles, which is the stuff that, you know, like, when it was performing arts high school we did circles. You do circles. You do circles with your head, you do circles with your wrists, you do circles with your shoulders, with your arms, with your hips, you just, you know, you do circles.
Four. Leaving my dogs when I go on a trip, or leaving my dogs for any length of time. I don't know what it is. It's this crazy thing. I don't have kids, I can leave Arnold for weeks, but if I leave my dogs, like, even tonight, we're going to the theater, and I will be sitting in the theater thinking, “Will you please hurry up?” I just don't like leaving them. And also I feel like they get bored, right? So I leave the Food Network on because I figure they're really interested in food. You know they just love Chopped.
Five. It's so weird because I think I like parties so much until about fifteen minutes before I'm supposed to show up at the party and then I think, why did I say yes to this party? Like, what? I don't know, I have this crazy thing, and I can't tell if this is some form of narcissism or something, but I am so sure that everyone is going to think I am such a fraud or such an asshole. Or I'm sure that when I want to leave, because I always like to leave very soon after I get places, so, like, I'm always afraid that I'm going to be so awkward because I am. I'm awkward about it, you know? And so, I rarely say goodbye to people whose party it is, because I just have to slip out, and I just, I think it's better that way. Because if I just slip out who's going to notice.
Six. Being alone in the house in Bridgehampton at night. Weirdly, no problem being alone in my apartment in New York City at night. Well, you know, I'm raised in New York City, and somehow you gain a lot of confidence when you're in a building with a doorman, because you think, well, there's someone at the door that's not going to let the person in if they're a monster. But when you're in Bridgehampton alone and it's dark and you keep thinking some face is going to be in the window at some point when you're not expecting it, it's so scary.
Eight. Current government. Donald Trump.
Nine clowns. Really. It's a phobia.
Number ten. More than anything I am afraid of boredom. Like, leaving your dogs and getting to Venice or something. And, oh, right, we forgot to tell you that everything is closed that day. So now what? And of course it's lovely to walk around Venice. But then it's just boredom. You just sit there doing nothing wishing you could be in Bridgehampton reading while your dogs are running around outside. I don’t want to be bored. There is not time enough in this world to be bored.
I'm Isaac Mizrahi and I am an artist who does a lot of things and these are 10 things that scare me.