I have no problem using my first name, but I wouldn't want to use this my second name, and I have no problem talking about what I've done for a living, also. If you say Bill the former police sergeant in York City doesn't ring a bell to anybody. There’s a lot of those guys out there.
One. I fear for my youngest daughter. And this is personal, and I don’t really speak about this hardly ever. But she's 24 now. Six years ago she was at a New Year's Eve party and she got sexually abused. That was a traumatic incident in itself. And then from that she developed an eating disorder. Now we seem to have everything under control now, and she's doing excellent. And maybe that's just me being, you know, being too much of a of a parent in that situation, not trusting enough. But you always worry, is everything okay. It's a fear that she doesn’t fall back, that she doesn't get any type of depression-type situation. If the phone rings, you pick it up, it's her, you know, hopefully everything’s good, and, you know, will that fear ever be alleviated? It gets better all the time, but it's always there.
Two. My middle son. He was dealing with painkillers back in high school, and then he got himself too involved in them after a couple surgeries. He ran out of the prescription and started buying other opiates and stuff like that. And then we got him pretty much straightened out, and up to this point, he'll be 23 in January, and he's doing fine. He's doing wonderful.
Three. You know something, as I get older now, I’m 55 years old. I figured I have 20, 25 more years, you know, maybe. Whatever. A fear of mine is that it's 25 years later and I haven't done anything what I really want to do as far as creative, helping people. And the fact that I haven't delved into that because of life. Life gets in the way sometimes. Paying bills, paying mortgages, raising children, sending them to college, you get caught up in the rigors of every day, five days a week, dealing what you’re dealing with. And then, when that stops, you realize, “Oh, 28 years went past.”
Four. Well listen, I've overcome stuff. I was not a beach person, but I met my wife and she was very much a beach person. So, you know, water in the beginning, you know, intimidated me. I could swim in a pool all day but, the ocean... So I just took that fear and I said, “Okay, I'm going to teach myself how to swim. I’m going to overcome it.” And to this day, you know, it's something I immensely enjoy. I finally get way out there. You can relax, and you can meditate to a degree, and then they leave you alone let you do what you want to do. And that was a thing that I overcame.
Five. I guess heights. It's not more of a fear, it's more of something that you're not used to.
Six. Maybe when I heard beer cans opening up, maybe that was a point where I still get a little nervous. You know, my childhood was all up and down. Okay, I grew up in a tough family. You know, alcohol was prevalent in that, and abuse came out of alcohol. There was a physical confrontation and then it stopped. And then, if I wasn't around, it would be around again. See, I was the oldest of five boys, so everything fell onto my shoulders. And maybe that's why I'm able to take care of people. It's more natural for me to do that because, five boys and two sisters. Listen, I had a sick feeling in my stomach sometimes at night when I heard beer cans popping, and then sometimes things would go wrong. And it's an unsteady feeling, you know. So, needless to say, I'm not a big proponent of alcohol.
Seven. A lot of people would say I don't say much. Okay, people that know me know I'm quiet. But as far as speaking one-on-one, you know, there’s anxiety in that for a person like me. I don't want to appear to be stupid. Maybe, I don’t know, maybe my personality through the years has been a little on the shy side. I should say.
Eight. Now my wife, I mean, she knows me better than anybody in the whole world, obviously. My wife would say, “Yeah he's afraid of trying to do something different, because he's afraid of failing at that.”
Nine. A fear that I have is, as long as I can control the situation then I'm okay with it. Things I can't control, then that's a different situation. I had a partner, and I'm not going to get too into this situation, because I never really talk about it. I only talk about it when I had to talk about it, but there was a shooting that I was involved in, and my partner is a brave, brave, person, but he was done after that day. He was done. And I never held it against him because we all deal with our own inner demons.
Ten. You know something, I grew up as an Irish Catholic in Brooklyn up the hill right there in Sunset Park. And I went to Catholic school. So they built a lot of fear into you. You were filled with fear. That was the whole premise of control. You have any type of too much pleasure, the devil is gonna get you. The devil’s under your bed. You know. Forget it. That's just a rant again.
My name is Bill and these are 10 things that scare me.