Alex Goldman:
Alright, here we go. Ready? Um, number one. That no one will love me. You know? RuPaul says if you don't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anybody else? And I'm not a huge fan of myself, to be honest.
Number two. Failing at my job.
Number three. Fear of being a success.
Number four. Failing at being a parent. I am from a family where, at least with my parents, we went through a very rocky time. I have two siblings. I don't really talk to either of them. Uh, my younger sister and I never lived together and never had much of a relationship and my older brother and I did live together and we fought all the time and I'm afraid that I'm going to somehow do the same thing to my family and have children who don't want to talk to me or children who don't want to talk to one another. So I just kind of marinate in that fear.
Number five. Being selfish. There's a part of me that has a hard time recognizing things outside of myself and I know it. I see it in myself. Like, I don't want to, you know, do the cat litter ever. I don't want to do laundry ever. I don't want to be the one who has to take the kids to the park. I don't want to be the one who has to shop for groceries. I want to have my own time.
Number six. Let me think here. What else am I afraid of? Well I'm desperately afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being alone. Definitely. In my adult life I have lived without a roommate once, for about two months, and I hated it. I have been a serial monogamist. Before I got married, in every relationship I was in, I would always say, okay I'm pretty unhappy right now in this relationship, but this is the last person who will ever be interested in me. So I have to commit to this no matter how bad it gets. This is all I deserve and I'm not going to get anything better.
Number seven. That the world will be consumed by fire and an unsustainable ecological disaster. All right I've got two to go. Maybe two and a half.
Number eight. I have a fear that I don't matter and if I could, if I could throw in a bonus one, I have a fear that my best days are behind me. All the exciting stuff I've done is is over with and everything is in the past now.
Number nine. I would say that honestly I have a fear of confrontation.
Number ten. I have a fear that no one actually respects me. I feel like the more I've moved into a career that I actually care about, it's felt more that way. Let me tell you something. Being a landscaper was the greatest job. There was no stress. I would listen to music all day. I was in great shape. I got to spend the whole day outdoors. It paid terribly but god was it an enjoyable job. It was great. It was great. And then in the wintertime, it segued into putting up Christmas lights for rich people.
My name is Alex Goldman and these are 10 things that scare me.
