Number one. Loneliness. My mother's by herself. My uncles are all by themselves. My grandmother never remarried. She was by herself. And I feel like, damn, I sometimes think it's the family curse. But then I realized that I like my peace of mind. You know? I can come home and I can make my own meals. I can make my own lobsters and ravioli, whatever. I get busy in the kitchen. If I'm going to give that up, it’s got to be really worth it. Don’t get it twisted, I get my times when I'll be around people. But, think about it. I grew up in the ‘jects. I was around people my whole life. I'm tired of that shit. I don't have those problems, my phone ain’t jumping. I ain’t dealing with that shit. When I finally got myself peace of mind. I was like, Oh. Thank you Jesus.
Number two. Poverty is a mother. Any place there's poverty there's going to be crime. There's going to be violence. You know it's just gonna be, the energy is gonna be real low. It just makes you numb to a lot of things. You know, you are on point all the time. Maybe one day I could put my guard down, but right now it's rough. And it drains your battery. It’s just rough.
Number three. Dracula's dog scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. That was the old movie. My cousin took me to go see that. The dogs were all Doberman Pinschers and they was chasing people, and back then there were a lot of stray dogs running around. So I had a fear of getting bit by dogs back when I was a kid. You know, as you get older and get stronger and become a man you can kick a dog in the face and, you know, you can you can defend yourself a little more better, but when you're a little kid you’re kind of frail and everything looks big.
Number four. Rejection. I have found that if I can take a no, I can talk to anybody in the world. If a man can take rejection, he can talk to anybody in the world. What's she going to tell you? Just no. I became more cocky. It’s your loss.
Number five. I'm always winning. You get soft, so you need a little resistance to knock you down, so you can get back up. But I know people that have never had any resistance and they are douchebags. They are douchebags. But I’ve been taking losses my whole life. Oh my goodness. I fell in front of a crowd of ten thousand people in between the speakers and got stuck. Yeah. That was a douchebag moment. No, that was a douchebag moment. But when I got out I jumped back on stage. I started rocking again.
Number six. I'm not afraid to go to Staten Island. I’m just afraid of what I’m going to do in certain situations. When you become successful it's different, you know? People are jealous. Now I know why the rich hate the poor and the poor hate the rich. You know, I'm not trying to get shot for dumb shit, you know? So why would I want to go put myself in that situation?
Number seven. I used to have a fear of being in the booth when I came out of prison. My first couple of mic sessions of trying to rhyme, I couldn't get to the beat. I used to have dreams that I was trying to punch something with all my might. I couldn't hit the target. That was my nightmare I had. And then one day it just clicked, and I was back in the pocket.
Number eight. My whole life I had Italian girlfriends. You know, Staten Island is different. Because you got your blacks over here. You’ve got your Italians over here. Everybody’s kind of segregated and you stay in your own little area, and then occasionally you have some Italian friends so you go to their area and hang out with them. Now, when I went to Jersey that's when I realized, you know, you black. Like, what's that mean? Dude, this is two thousand blah-see-bloo. Women want to sit on penis they can sit on any kind of penis they want to. I didn't realize that there’s people in America that never even seen a black person before up close and personal. We were doing Jimmy Fallon, and it was a lot of little white kids coming in.
I could tell they’d never seen a black person up close and personal. They didn't know who we were. I said, what's up little man? His face lit up. It’s the same way in the hood. In certain areas they never dealt with white people, so they were scared to death of the white people for some apparent reason. They can't they can't function. It's a lot of fear. At one time I was, but I got rid of that too.
Number nine. I'm scared of pussy-ass police officers poppin’ me because they scared of their situation, and they shouldn’t even join the force. If you so fucking scared, why you join the force if you’re terrified? I got into a situation where my ex-girl, she got on my damn fucking nerves because she was cheating on me with some dude. I snatched her phone. She called the cops on me. So I’m coming out of the building and I'm going into the garage to get my car. The police swarmed me. This is where it gets crazy. I went to go reach for the phone, this motherfucker pulled a gun out and cocked the hammer back. When you pull the hammer back that means you’re ready to shoot me, motherfucker. Over a fucking phone. Like I said, I don’t stay scared of motherfuckers. I just said, you’re a pussy, B. Jesus Christ fellas, y’all are some pussies. Take your hand off your gun, officer. Your life is not in jeopardy. I'm just a black man. TV has warped your brain. Everything is okay here, Mr. blah-see-bloo. Everything is all right.
And ten. When you get to a certain age, you want to go. I've seen this many times from my old relatives. “I'm tired. I'm going. Yeah. I've been here too long. I'm tired of this shit.” We’re all gonna be there, but no, I'm not there yet. I have my days. I have my days where I'm like, “Why are you fucking with me on this planet Earth?” Oh these motherfuckers.
This is U-God, Lamont Hawkins, and these are 10 things that used to scare me.