Here we go. Number one. Going into a dark body of water.
Number two. Being in the woods by myself.
Number three. I don't even know why I'm scared of guns. But, I am. I have a huge fear of guns.
Number four. Man, in Florida there's giant frogs. I don't know if they're bullfrogs or not. I don't know what they are, but they're, like, the size of my two hands put together. And for some reason someone had told me that frogs give you warts, and the only people with warts that I knew were little kids that were white. Like, I just thought only white kids touched frogs.
Number five. I was driving through South Carolina. I got pulled over because I had gotten off one exit and then there wasn't a gas station there, and I got back on, and I saw this cop, like, waiting for us. And he pulled us over and he's like, “Step out of the vehicle.” And it was immediate, and I was like, “Whoa, okay.” And there was two cops in there like, “Do you have any drugs in there?” I was like, “No.” He was like, “Do you have any weapons?” I was like, “No.” He's like, “Are you sure you don't have ecstasy in your vehicle right now?” And I was like, “No, I don't have any ecstasy in my vehicle.” He's like, “Do you have crack or cocaine?” I was like, “No I don't have any crack.” He's like, “Do you have a firearm in the vehicle?” And I was like, “No.” This is the fourth or fifth time he had asked me about if I had a gun, and I was like, “No, I don't have a gun.” I was like, “This is crazy. Why do you keep asking me if I have a gun?” He's like, “Well, why are you so nervous?”
Six. It's such a waste of time to be sick, you know? And it's kind of, like, the fear of getting nothing done, I guess, from the product of someone sneezing on you and you're just like, “Oh man…”
Number seven. Sometimes I see a plate in my cupboard that's got a chip on it. And it makes me think of how these things get old.
Number eight. I'm edging towards forty, and mortality starts to become this prominent topic in your mind where you're just talking about all these health things with your friends. You're not even talking about anything interesting other than, like, what foods you shouldn't and should eat, and maybe kind of, like, your day to day bathroom routine.
Number nine. Being invited to someone's house to eat and the food is bad.
Number ten. There's been a few times where I've had pieces of steel wool in my food. Different places. Completely different states, cities. Yeah. So it can happen anywhere.
My name is Roberto Lange and these are 10 things that scare me.