One. When I was in junior high I read the book 1984 and it freaked me out that one, someone would think to use your own fears against you and two, that they could read your mind. So a smart person would keep their fears to themselves. 

Two. Living a fear based life. I'm not like, a, what's the word. What do you call people who are always positive Polly? Yes I've got things to worry about I've got difficult things in my life but I just don't want to create a fake, you know, terrible place to be when I don't have to be at this point in my life. And if I get to live to an old age and I end up in a nursing home I know I always think you know who's going to want to visit me I probably spend a lot of time alone when I'm older and I want to have a mind that's full of of things I can revisit. If what I have to explore and revisit in my old age is fear: oh what a shitty way to go out.

Three. I remember in elementary school or on a field trip and we're taking a hike and a kid like threw a spider at me and it really scared me and I fell down this little rocky hill and it occurred to me at that time that, when you're afraid you don't control your body. I didn't want to fall down that hill. I didn't want to get hurt but I was so

Four. Closing my eyes in a shower. Because I'm worried when I open them there is going to be a ghoulish figure on the others side of the curtains. But I just think you know you're so vulnerable when you're in water. One, in the shower, most people don't have any clothes on so you just like you couldn't fight anything off especially if you had soap in your eyes. So best case is to keep your eyes open.

Five. Fear of reading a newspaper without gloves on. What I don't like is the feeling of news print and that the ink comes off on your fingers when you're reading it. And so I have to go to wash my hands. So if I'm in a place where I can't wash my hands to get that feeling off then I need to have gloves on. So for example on an airplane I would never read a newspaper because there's a chance there could be turbulence or whatever and I can't go wash my hands or I have to ask the person next to me to get up and it's too much of a rigamarole so I can put on these gloves. They're actually photographers use them for touching prints. They're just these white cotton gloves. So they have those on it's fine because I don't care how dirty those get. Doesn't have with magazines or books. It's just newspapers.

Six. When my phone rings, every time it rings, I get a bodily reaction of nervous it's like Oh shhhh. What is going to you know who is that? What do they want? Do I have to pick it up? It's hard for me to talk to someone when I can't see them. I find that there's always awkward pauses. I don't like if I can't hear someone clearly and I have to ask them to repeat themselves. So I just find it, I find it very tense. But I don't have that if it's my mom, it's fine.

7. So I have an extremely close relationship with my parents. I call my mom every day to check in with her. And it's just a really nice ritual to have. And when that's gone even though you know I'm 55 I'm not a kid. I'll I'll be in you know, I'll be, is it right to say an orphan? I will no longer have parents and that's....I feel embarrassed admitting that my age but I don't know what that will be like.

Eight. Learning to live with the pain that comes from losing somebody. I know it's inevitable. And what does it mean that someone could be so important in your life and you can be fearful of losing them but then you'll go on. And what does that mean about the love and connection that was so important to you at one point.

9. Fear of someone I love being the victim of a violent crime. If that happens will I still be able to do the work that I do in prisons? And. And what if that happening makes me so angry and I don't know how to to to deal with someone as they are now, not as they were before, or how they'll be in the future. And so who would I be then?

10. Putting my hand in a dark place like a hole in the wall or the floor.

My name is Nigel Poor and these are 10 things that scare me.

Oh well for a long time my mom and all the women in my family were afraid of mayonnaise.