Number two. Fear of inability to participate can lead to loss of love of life. Ever since I was me, not as a little boy, but as a young teenager, I noticed I got a good feeling out of helping people. And then the Vietnam War called out to me. I was very disturbed by the war and I didn't support it. I demonstrated, but it didn't satisfy me, and I sure didn't want to go to Canada. And so I found a way to go to Vietnam. I was out in the hamlets where the refugees and war victims were, helping people dig wells, build houses, get food, help move people from dangerous places to safer places. You know...
Number three. You never can be certain because it was so long ago, but the probabilities are high that my cancers were caused by Agent Orange. It's a lurking monster and it's a lethal disease.
Number four. Dying. I feel myself dying. It's the slow feeling of becoming less.
Number five. Excessive bleeding. I was in the middle of a terrifying bleeding episode at the time when you were on the radio. I walked past the radio and I heard somebody saying that we're asking people to come in and tell us about your worst fears, and I said, “That's me. I’m that. I'm in it.”
Number six. I have learned how to make use of my fear. Fear is my friend. I heard Mike Tyson say that a long time ago. I think he said, “My fear is my friend. I use it to reflect back upon my opponent,” and I said, “My fear is my friend. I use it to energize myself.”
Number seven. Fear for our planet.
Number eight. Fear for the children.
Number nine. Dying without those I love around me. This last three weeks have been really rough. I called both of my children this time. My son never picks up the phone. So I said, “Josh, I'm gonna ask you to start picking up the phone when I call, because I may be needing you.” And he said, “Oh sure. I will.” And my daughter, she's been kind of pissed at me for a while because I'm a little unconventional. And she didn't want me doing some crazy thing, staring at the moon or something, which I do every night. But she didn't want anything to do with me, with my cancer, because I wasn’t taking care of the important things, in her opinion, and she was right. I was in denial. And so, I was right too. I was doing the best I could. On Sunday she called me and she just said, “Dad I gotta tell you, you're a wonderful dad. I love you so much.” And she went on and just, her fear of me dying broke her loose. I know I did.
Number ten. I want to live and I also want to make good use of my life, you know? I've been through so much in my life. It's filled with everything. It's filled with cancer, and it's filled with joy, and it's filled with terror. It's filled with quiet easy days, and it's why I am the way I am.
My name is Jerry Roback and these are 10 things that scare me.