Number one. Being late. I broke up with my first boyfriend because he couldn't be on time for anything, and he couldn't believe that I would break up with him for that reason.
Number two. Compulsory heterosexuality.
Number three. Well wait a second here, I think this would be an extension of compulsory heterosexuality: cunnilingus. You know, what's problematic about men, even gay men joking about, like, ew, cunnilingus, is there’s just so much shame and stigma for millennia heaped up on women about their genitals being, you know, dirty or impure, unclean, or offensive to God. And I think women shouldn't be ashamed of their genitals, and they're beautiful, and blah blah blah. But, you know, little boys grow up and they're kind of squeaked out by the body of the other. Little girls too grow up kind of squeaked out by the body of the other. And then little boys and little girls hit puberty, and little straight boys who were squeaked out by pussy are suddenly into it. But the little gay boys, we hit puberty, and we are in to dick and we kinda don't get over it.
Number four. Bears.
Number five. The Yellowstone Caldera. Well Yellowstone, which is a national park I will not visit because there are grizzlies, is just a giant open mouth of a supervolcano. And, you look at the research, look at the science, and some scientists say that it's overdue for a massive eruption.
Number six. Climate change. Like, do we need to pause? It's raining so hard right now I can hear it over my own voice. We can just say that, I mean, this is evidence of climate change right here. Like, I've been in Los Angeles for a week and a half and they are having monsoons here like nothing they've ever had before. It's snowing in Hawaii and the permafrost is melting in Alaska. Everything's gone haywire.
Number seven. Societal collapse.
Number eight. The stupidity of rich people.
Number nine. Antibiotic resistant gonorrhea.
Number ten. Cars. You know, I was telling this woman who was driving me around rural Canada, “Yeah, I just don't like to be in cars. Cars make me nervous and they stress me out.” And she looked at me and she said, “Were you ever hit by a car?” And I went, “Oh, yeah. When I was five years old I was run over in front of my mother and spent a few days in the hospital.” I was like, I'd never put those two things together.
My name is Dan Savage and these are 10 things that scare me.