One. Ghosts. I always forget I'm six one, two hundred and thirty pounds, like from deep in Brooklyn, New York and things that really shouldn't scare me, I'm just really terrified of, so like my daughter, I have a three year old daughter, like she asked me that day, she was like are monsters and ghosts real? And I was like, probably I've always felt the presence. I don't believe I've ever had an interaction with a ghost. But I do feel there have been ghosts that have tried to mess with me but, you know, because I have Catholic tattoos tattooed all over my body like crosses and scripture that the ghosts can't get in because my Catholic tattoos keep them away.
Two uncooked meat.
Three GERD, gastro esophageal reflux disease. So I have it and it's like painful acid reflux. And the problem for me is with it, when I take the medication that helps combat the GERD, I have a side effect, I'm like the only person in the world that has a side effect, but I can't sneeze. And I just have to pick my poison every day, so I dunno if you guys can tell him a little congested. And that's because I took my guard medication. So I'm sorry, but I just didn't want to have heartburn. So now, unfortunately, you're just gonna get Chrissy Congestion.
Four ALS, a Maya Tropic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. I used to be a physical therapist, so I worked with a lot of patients who had different neuromuscular conditions. And it's just one of those diseases that like you can't stop it, but, you know, it is named after Lou Gehrig and I'm a big Yankees fan, so I guess there's something that's a slight positive.
[00:01:44] 5. Locked in syndrome. This is another thing that I worked with when I was a physical therapist. What happens is if you have a stroke, usually that affects the brain stem and then your entire body is paralyzed for the rest of your life except the ability to move your eyes. The guy who I treated was funny about it. I was like, how are you feeling today? Then he was like, my wife says, this isn't that bad, now she doesn't have to hear my dumb voice. [00:02:08][24.5]
Six skydiving. Here's how I'm living my life. Anything can happen to me at any moment. I'm aware. I feel a strong obligation, though, to try to stay alive until my daughter is at least 18. Like, if I died skydiving, I would be pissed, I didn't even really want to do this, I just got pressured into doing it because, you know, my frickin dumb friend got a Groupon for it and now I'm dead.
Seven mice. What a sicko my mom was she, you know, very religious woman, sweetest woman ever. But instead of like the mouse traps that, you know, snap and break their neck with a piece of cheese, she would get those glue traps. And then I would just have to throw out crying, dying mice onto-- on a glue trap in the garbage when I'm like, mom, it's still alive. And she was like, it's not going to be for long. And then I would just throw it out in the garbage and I would just feel bad for the frickin mouse. And I think that's why my mom probably made me throw away the dead animals, because she just want to toughen me up because I was the kind of kid that I would cry if I saw a butterfly, because I would think how just days ago that was a caterpillar a nd now it's cocooned into this beautiful butterfly. And I would cry about it because I'm I'm emotionally disturbed.
Eight guns. I remember one time she told my father she was like, Tony. You got to toughen him up. My dad, who is a criminal like in and out of jail my whole life took me to like the woods in New Jersey, which again, was already terrifying for me and said, you know, we're going to do some hunting. You know, my dad wasn't a hunter, but he was a criminal. And he took out a handgun from his glove box and set up a lawn chair and didn't kind of briefly showed me how to use a gun and just told me to pull the trigger if I saw anything move. I'll never forget shooting the gun, getting so nervous that I had a bout of psoriasis. My dad's like eh, ya probably stepped in some poison ivy. I was like, no, it's the psoriasis that I've had since I've been born that you are making come out because you're making you shoot handguns. When I should just be at Splish Splash, I should just be at a waterpark like other twelve year old kids or playing basketball in the park, but instead I'm shooting at squirrels with an illegal handgun with the serial number filed off.
9. I'm scared of being eaten alive by an animal. I just have a feeling it's going to happen, which is bizarre. Like I just have legit dreams for all the meat I've eaten. I just feel like one day a bear is just gonna come along or a hyena or a lion and just be like, well, now it's my turn asshole and just eat me like I'm a Philly cheesesteak.
Number 10, boys, because I have a daughter now.
My name is Chris DiStefano, and these are 10 things that scare me.
It's a rosary bead on my skin that gets itchy sometimes in the sun.
