Transcript
Afghan Public Relations
December 22, 2001
BOB GARFIELD: This week Afghanistan's interim government, dominated by the Northern Alliance, announced the appointment of PR man Thomas Lauria as chief of public affairs. Lauria's credentials for the job consist mainly of his work for The Tobacco Institute, the lobbying arm of the tobacco industry in Washington. For decades that organization claimed cigarettes were non-addictive and that the health consequences of smoking were an unproven, scientific controversy. On the Media has obtained--
BROOKE GLADSTONE: Well, not really.
BOB GARFIELD: -- the first commercial to be aired by Lauria's office aimed at repairing the Northern Alliance's lingering image problems. [CHEERFUL HOLLYWOOD STYLE MUSIC]
CHILD: Say, Danyah, let's go to Kandahar and repress some Pashtuns!
CHILD: No, way Mohammed!
CHILD:But it'll be cool! We can marginalize them politically, engage in fierce tribal warfare pitting our warlords against theirs! We can devolve to petty banditry and even murder and torture the innocent!
CHILD: Count me out. I don't need to repress an ethnic minority to be cool.
ASTUTE ADULT MALE: That's right, Danyah. At the Northern Alliance, we believe torture and political repression should be adult decisions. While we see no convincing evidence of human rights violations against power-greedy inferior tribes, we recognize that it is an ongoing controversy filled with emotion on both sides.
CHILD: Maybe you're right, Danyah. Let's play hopscotch. There'll be plenty of time to murderously consolidate power when we're 15!
MALE ANNOUNCER: This message brought to you by the Northern Alliance where we say: Just Say No to Ethnic Violence -- for the time being. [1930's MUSIC]