Helga: You wake up in the morning and then what happens? Oh, put your headphones on, Peter.

Speaker 2: Uh-uh.

Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. Come on. Put your arms around you.

Speaker 4: I wanna hug you and hug you and hug you some more right through all these microphone cables.

Speaker 5: Go ahead.

Speaker 6: I know I'm in the right time, in the right space.

Helga: Do you feel that? I'm Helga Davis. It had been a long day yesterday, and that made for an incredibly restless night. And when I got up this morning, I was in such a bad mood, so much so that I decided that when I left my building, I was not going to perform my morning ministry. So what's the morning ministry? The morning ministry means that I get up, I get out of my apartment, I get out of my head, and get into my body, and find connection in the people around me immediately.

Mostly what I do is between the two blocks of my apartment building and the subway, every person that I encounter, I look at them in the eye and I say, good morning. That's it. That's the morning ministry. And I was so tired and not really in a good mood. And it's one of the few times that I actually decided I'm not doing this. And then the strange thing happened, there are people that I normally pass in the morning whom I look up and reach out and say good morning to. And I had my head down, but they, in turn, walked a little bit closer to me and said good morning.

And I kind of giggled because I couldn't believe it was happening. I think about that and the tired voice and moving out into the world. As I think about this conversation today with Julia Bullock. Julia Bullock is a soprano. She's a-a woman. I met actually here in the Greene Space at WNYC and I'd not heard her sing. And on the evening that we met, she wasn't feeling well either, and I couldn't imagine how scary that must have been because she had a really big performance in the next couple of days at the Ojai Music Festival.

She was performing a piece based on Joséphine Baker with a text by Claudia Rankine and music by the composer, Tyshawn Sorey. And then something else happened. She came to the stage and decided to speak the text that she was going to sing. And even in her reading of the text, I knew that I had to meet her. A few days later, I did actually get to hear her sing Tyshawn's text. And when she walked out on stage, she was Joséphine Baker. Joséphine Baker was present in her body, in her voice, in her history, in her telling of these stories.

And she wasn't in a banana skirt. She wasn't donning her marcelled hair. There was nothing of the costume of Joséphine Baker that we're accustomed to seeing or that we've seen in other productions. Julia Bullock stood and uplifted and educated that audience that evening with just a light and a microphone. So I-I'm actually gonna stop playing there because that's all I remember. And if I keep trying to play that, I'm going to get frustrated and not talk to you because I won't be able to stop until I can remember the whole thing. So I-- what I love about that is that it's all white keys, right?

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: And, um, I think when I was taking piano lessons, that was one of the things that-that, not because it was all white keys or anything, but I had seen the movie Fame like eight times and I would cry every time. And I was completely obsessed with that film. And I wanted so much to be in that school, to be in that environment, to be singing, to be- to be a musician. And my mother was just like, no. [laughs] And there-there wasn't any conversation about it.

Julia: Why-why-why was that?

Helga: Because, one, I don't- I don't think that she thought I was good enough to do that. And whatever my gift might have been, it was still hidden from plain view. [laughs] And my mother was not going to take a chance-

Julia: Hmm.

Helga: -or take the chance with my life that I would go and follow some ridiculous idea that I was a musician or that I was a performer.

Julia: Hmm.

Helga: She also told me, I'm not sending you to school to learn to sing and dance for white people. Period.

Julia: Wow.

Helga: Like, that was another part of it.

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: And my mom's a nurse and she worked in an emergency room for 25 years. And that thing she understands like, do something that is helpful or that people need and stop with all the dreaming.

Julia: Yeah. I guess it's just so funny 'cause I feel, I guess, as a performer now, and especially as like, I'm in the process, you know, going through school, and now that I'm out, it's like there's-- this is very much a trade. Like, it's not a-- it's such a craft. And yeah, I'm-- I-I love what I do. I'm super passionate about it, but it's not really a-- I can't say it's always a fun time, you know? It's- it is really hard work.

Helga: What-what are the things that feel important to you right now to sing about?

Julia: Well, I mean now, we're in this-this post-election climate and, you know, at that election night, I would-- I usually don't get emotionally involved in political things, but all of the implications of Donald Trump being elected, just started like-- it's like they were just falling, falling and dripping off the ceiling. And I--

Helga: And for you, they are what?

Julia: I think there are a lot of artists right now who are-- that have said, "Oh, I'm not sure if the arts serve a purpose-

Helga: Hmm.

Julia: -or what purpose they serve." And my reaction now, and it has-- I felt this way for a while, but especially now, music encourages people to listen to each other, first and foremost, encourages people to engage with one another in real-time and respond. And there, you can't anticipate what somebody is going to do or say, um, or how it's going to impact you. You just have to be there and be present. That is, I feel what we have kind of forgotten to do in this country. We've stopped listening to each other, like, really.

And I wanna provide voices for-for the stories that have maybe not had a chance to be told. And some of those aren't gonna be joyous, glitzy comfortable kind of topics. And, you know, growing up in St. Louis, which was a place I didn't- I didn't necessarily have a lot of fear growing up there, but I definitely felt the, like, segregation spirit.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: I mean, that was so ingrained. And as a person who's a mixed heritage, you know, I had my mo-- my mother, you know, she and I had kind of a complicated relationship. But then my father, who is--

Helga: Which of your parents is African-American?

Julia: My dad.

Helga: Okay.

Julia: My dad. Yeah. And-and growing up in a mixed household and then having my father die when I was young right as I was like coming to terms with, you know, acknowledging, "Oh, right. And this is who I am and that's different than--"

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: Um, and to have him just be gone and then to-- I really was like immersed in white culture. Um, but I was reminded every day that I was not a white person and not in a disparaging, negative way.

Helga: Right.

Julia: I mean it was very-- it was like, "Oh, you're so beautiful for a Black, you know, for a Black person."

Helga: Wow.

Julia: Or, "You don't talk-- you don't talk like other Black people, or you're very smart, um, [chuckles] and-- or you represent yourself differently than other Black people I know." I mean, it was-- and these are like the messages getting ingrained in my- in my skull, like deep, deep. And so I had a lot of shame actually about being Black. I didn't want to be defined as that.

And, um, even as it was like coming of age as a- as a woman, it's like the men that I dated, there was this sort of fetishizing of-of, I-- yeah, I'm not sure what all their fantasies were, but I mean, one guy went-- you know, we were just getting to know each other and he said, "You know, you would make the most amazing, uh, house slave." And I just stared at him and my mind is-- was racing. It was like, "Okay, do I-- how do I-- I'm not quite sure how to get him out of this house. Is this gonna be a dangerous situation?"

But he said it in this way, it was like, not only normal for him, but he was paying me a compliment. And I-- again, it was like, "Okay, but he's- he's viewing that as a positive thing." Obviously, what a horrible thing to say. But it's like, "All right, I-I actually don't need to own myself."

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: And I shouldn't be owning myself, like that-that's the message you take away, you know, no matter how you cut it. So, uh, telling stories of women who are, you know, fighting for their-- every freedom they've got, all of their, you know, these empowering stories. It's like, that's really-- and these are like necessary things, I guess, for me to kind of retrack and reprogram my own mind. That's part of why-- I think that's part of why I want to tell those stories. And I also really wanna tell stories and sing music of Black people, Black performers.

Helga: But here's my question-

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: -Julia. And this is-this is where I feel like I-I run into something-

Julia: Mm.

Helga: -where I run into myself in a peculiar way. So I had church music on Sunday, so I had gospel music on Sunday, and I had Mozart and Bach and Beethoven on Saturday.

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: And what I learned is that all of that music is my music.

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: All of it.

Julia: Absolutely.

Helga: Right?

Julia: Absolutely.

Helga: How do we get to have all of our music and all of ourselves in a moment where we are being gunned down in the streets where you are being told you'd be a beautiful house slave? Where-where's our freedom? Where's- where's the freedom for Julia and the freedom for Helga to just to be, to sing, to do whatever?

Julia: Yeah. I mean, there are certain--

Helga: Do you have to tell? Like, why is it now-

Julia: Okay, okay.

Helga: -your responsibility-

Julia: Of course.

Helga: -to sing that music, you know what I mean?

Julia: Of course, I hear you. Well, I guess it's-- I don't think--

Helga: No, it's not your responsibility, but-but-- okay.

Julia: Yeah. I mean, nobody-- honestly, nobody has put that charge on me. It's just something that I feel that I need to do because it's a part of my myself. I like denied-

Helga: Okay.

Julia: -for so long. It's like the-- just that personal, I guess for me.

Helga: Okay.

Julia: And yeah, of course. It's like, "Okay, well, no, I don't--"

Helga: If James Baldwin is saying that there's nothing more important than the human being.

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: No race, no religion, no-- right?

Julia: Right.

Helga: Is more important than the human being.

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: How do we get to the human being? And I'm clear that we're not there- we're not there.

Julia: Right.

Helga: At the same time-

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: -we're not really having any conversation at all because what you are saying is that-that your personhood is dependent upon my not being a complete full human being in your presence.

Julia: Right.

Helga: And-and there's something very, very wrong with that as well.

Julia: Right.

Helga: Help me- help me. That's help [chuckles] I'm trying to work it out.

Julia: Yeah. I don't have- I don't have an answer for that, to be honest. I mean, all that I-- I know how to program.

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: I know how to talk to people. I know how to contextualize the music that I'm singing and the words that I'm saying. That's what I have been trained to do. That's what I'm interested in. But the fact that I have either disassociated from my own history, um, or wanted to marginalize parts of myself, it's like-- and the fact that that is reflected also in our country, in our world right now. I mean, it always has been, I guess.

But it gives me a very-- a clear-- I-I guess it just-- it's allowing-- I-I feel like I'm allowed then to-- I'm giving myself an allowance to just kind of say whatever-whatever it is that I need to say. And that's- that's it. It's kind of like [chuckles] it feels very direct.

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: Very direct and not a burden in that way.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: I definitely had many years thinking about performing as a way to escape.

Helga: Right.

Julia: It's like, "Oh, this is- this is time away from--" Well, and-and I-I know a lot of people who still view the arts in that way, but I-I just can't really divorce my personhood from what I'm doing, at least not anymore. It's just, uh--

Helga: But escape what?

Julia: Um, I didn't have like a very safe home environment. So it just felt very like a sure safe place to be, weirdly, like [chuckles] um, even though now it's like stepping out on stage sometimes is the most terrifying-terrifying thing in my life. So the rules [laughs] now reverse.

Helga: Is it really for-- even-even for you?

Julia: Oh my God. Oh yeah. I mean, I really-- I had a-a very bad couple of years, like right at the end of my time at Juilliard. And I think part of it-- I just was sort of losing perspective on my work. I was having a-- you know, all of the roles that I was performing, um, all the women were in "victimized situations". Um, they were very depressed. And it's like constantly trying to shake that off. It's like, it just-- I-I think that just started to impact me. And also just the sort of false hype that surrounds young talent. It's like-- which is, um, exciting in its way.

And Julliard set up a, you know, wonderful platforms for me, but it aggravated my need to kind of hide and, um, yeah, shield- just shield myself. So, uh, yeah. My-my body actually just-- I-I started getting a like psychosomatic, um, physical impairment really that prevented- almost prevented me from speaking some days. It was so-so bad. And, um, you know, I worked very-- I've been working very hard to keep pushing through that. And of course, like right when it was- when I was in the thick of it, I-I called and visited every coach and teacher and performer that I could get my [chuckles] hands on.

Helga: Right.

Julia: I just said, "I think maybe I'm just gonna have to quit 'cause I-I probably shouldn't be doing this if it's gonna be-- if my body is actually rejecting what I'm doing." And they said, "Well, no, I think it's exact opposite. You are here reaching out for help, wanting reassurance that--" And one amazing teacher said, you know, the-- what I-- the Julia that I see on stage is the authentic person 'cause she's super conscious, focused, intentional, and the-- you know, the one you walk around with in life, you know, it's like you're still coming to terms with just being yourself.

And she's like, so absolutely-- like I-- she absolutely was [chuckles] obviously trying to encourage me not to-

Helga: Nope.

Julia: -Not to quit. But I-I really valued that statement 'cause I just-- that hadn't, uh, fully occurred-occurred to me. Just not-not consciously anyway.

Helga: Mm-hmm. But you spoke a little bit earlier about a teacher that you had who said something to you that you- that you needed to hear in a particular moment. Say something a little bit about your teachers.

Julia: I-I-I know everyone who teaches says, "And the greatest teachers of my life are my students." But there is something- there really is something to that statement. Um, and it's becau-- I guess what it taught me about my- just about myself.

Helga: Because it always teaches you something about yourself. [laughs]

Julia: Yeah. My God. It's that if I am too fixated on myself or self-reflective, that is not a place that I can live in well, and so my purpose, and-- it's like every-everything when I'm-- my focus is on something just going out, energy, going out, and then trying to just really comprehend the world that's around me, the information that I'm being given, processing all of that. It's like I don't have to-- well, wha-what ends up coming out is just this incri-- I dunno. It's just wonderful like exchange of energy and information.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know, even just from my colleagues, I've learned so much. I-- yeah, there's a lot. There are a lot. There are a lot of wonderful teachers out there. [chuckles]

Helga: Yeah. No, for sure. For sure. For sure. Yeah. Do you still take lessons now?

Julia: I do. Yeah. Absolutely. Pretty much every singer will have somebody or a few people around them that who they trust really well and who know their voices really well, who will help to kind of keep them just functioning at high efficiency.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: And it's not that I don't trust my own ear or sensations, but even now, like I still feel- I feel like there's a lot of elements to my voice that have not quite, I'm not settled with yet. And I still do some manipulating of my, you know, of my sound. And actually, a teacher that I recently saw within five minutes, she said, "Do you know that you're strangling yourself?"

Helga: Oh, wow.

Julia: And it's like, just psychologically also it's like, "Oh my God, I have been strangling myself."

Helga: Well, what did that mean?

Julia: Well--

Helga: What were you doing?

Julia: I was just tensing-tensing neck muscles, you know.

Helga: Uh-huh.

Julia: But suppressing this, you know, you start suppressing your sound.

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: You can do all sorts of, and of course, my mind's like, "Oh, when did that start?" And that was, that's young. That's like, that's old stuff. And not feeling like I was able to speak out or share things. I mean, that-that's an old thing.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: And so I think even, you know, just the act of singing for me and practicing it, there's some heal-- like healing that has taken place in me big time. Again. I'm really- I'm grateful that I'm able to perform, but I think even if I wasn't performing, I would still be singing every day.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: I really do.

Helga: You sing every day?

Julia: Yeah. Yeah.

Helga: Something, anything.

Julia: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: Mm-hmm. You know, I always have material to prepare.

Helga: Right.

Julia: So I'm often working, singing maybe-maybe an hour and a half or so. But even the days when I'm not just decide to take some time off, it's like I still find myself wanting to kind of hum a dumb.

[laughter]

And I just-- I really enjoy, I just enjoy singing myself. I really do. I genuinely do.

Helga: Did you know that you could sing?

Julia: Yeah. I-

Helga: You did?

Julia: -I knew that I-I knew that I could perform.

Helga: Hmm.

Julia: Yeah. I always knew I wanted to express myself with my body.

Helga: Which is- which is different than knowing that you can sing.

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: You could sing.

Julia: I mean, I loved to sing.

Helga: There we go. Okay.

Julia: But I always. [chuckles] Um, and when I was young though, I knew, it's like I had little breaks in my voice. It's like I had my really strong chest voice and then I had this area sound, you know, like, ooh, like little kids have, and I couldn't stand that. I couldn't stand the fact that I didn't know how to get power up there. So really, it's like I didn't really wanna talk about my singing abilities or own that I was like a singer until I-- that stuff started to coordinate. Yeah, 'cause it didn't-- it just- it felt false.

And even now it's like I still, there are parts of my voice, or there are days, or there are times when my body feels clamped up and it's like, ugh. Okay. Getting back to those habits of not having an open-open channel. Yeah. I do still kind of doubt, I guess I do kind of doubt. It's like, can you really- can you actually sing? I mean, I-I know that you are getting paid and hired, but can you actually sing? Um, yeah, that's definitely in the back- in the back of my mind.

Helga: Well, the thing that's-- so that-that's very interesting to me about what you're saying now is this thing of keeping an open channel.

Julia: Mm.

Helga: And that-that's a thing that I think is important for all people to hear. It doesn't matter what you are doing, you happen to sing.

Julia: Right.

Helga: Right? But to walk into your doubt, your anxiety-

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: -your voice with this open channel-

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: -in mind.

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: So that the voice that you have can come through. I'm wondering if there's a thing that you do every day in addition to whatever magic fairy dust there is-

Julia: [laughs] What do you do?

Helga: -there is also work-

Julia: Yes. Yes.

Helga: -that happens every day.

Julia: Right. Right. So one of the best things that my, uh, teacher from Juilliard and from Bard taught me is, uh, start from zero every morning. Don't wake up and say to yourself, "All right, I had it so good yesterday. Don't- don't think about the past. Don't think about where you're wanting to go later. Just start from zero every day and deal with the body that you've got." And that might be like the best lesson-

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: -that I've ever been taught by anyone.

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: So I

Helga: That's- that's a big one right there.

Julia: It's a huge one. It's a huge one. I've been a student of Alexander Technique for many years. Um, so I often start on the floor just breathing, letting myself-- my body feel weight, um, and just, yeah, just actually releasing into-- [chuckles]

Helga: Yourself.

Julia: Just greasing into myself.

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: Exactly. And start with non-vocal warmups. There's one of them is silent lows. It's just getting your lungs to work at full and natural function. And then I'll do like a kind of thing also just to start feeling the, mm, I hate the word support is something I'm not really using anymore. I get it's just, again, just allowing-allowing your breath to do what it does.

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: Flowing through your cords and through-through your- through your mouth. And then like, very simple exercises, they're-- I don't go like full throttle into my singing.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: It's something that I kind of caress and work into.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: And yeah. That's what I do.

Helga: It's- it's interesting because I think too that even these non-vocal, like, those start to become words, right?

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: If you say-

Julia: Absolutely.

Helga: -we're gonna do these vocal exercises, or we're gonna do these warmups.

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: So they become words that are then in the way of the thing that we're actually trying to achieve.

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: Which is feeling, breathing, and feeling.

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: And knowing.

Julia: Right.

Helga: Knowing oneself.

Julia: Absolutely. Well, and the one thing that's so beautiful about singing is that the diaphragm, that's a feeling muscle, right? And so breathing is massaging those emotions. So the act of singing when it's done really well, it's like you almost can't help, but things just start flowing through. And it's not ins-- you know, it's not, again, like not anticipating what the piece should be and when and how it needs to go. It's just letting the body, letting the voice guide you through- guide you through the material.

Helga: Do you read your press, Julia?

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: You do?

Julia: I do. I've definitely have very complicated relationship with that. [laughs] Um, I can't- it's like, I'm still kind of obsessed just to read and see how if what I did came across.

Helga: Mm.

Julia: And there have been times in performances, I am in tears afterwards and, you know, it takes a lot of energy just like get myself out to greet the public because I just feel like I did not do my job. It's not even like, "Oh, I didn't-- it just didn't go quite right." It's just like, I just didn't feel like I did my job and, or I was holding something back. And so I had, or I have this energetic emotional charge that has not been released. It's like I have to be able to release it before I can get on and interact with people.

But then I, like, I-I look at the, you know, press the day later or a couple of days later and it's like, "Oh, it was like one of the most astounding things--" Like, oh, I can't-- And my question is always like, I wonder what I'm missing.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: But I also wonder what they missed.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: And then there are some, I've had experiences many that are like that. And then I've had a few where I've given performances where I don't feel good. And it has been very obvious to a reviewer. And like, that was so terrifying, the fact that it was realized because-- well, terrifying because like, oh my God, I'm not- I'm not getting away with anyth- with this anymore. I can't feign anything anymore. So, um, yes, I read my press 'cause I'm just kind of curious. [chuckles]

Helga: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Julia: And, um, I'm not reliant on them anymore-

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: -to validate my work. Um, I do internalize it, at least, for a little while.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: But my boyfriend said to me, he's like, "You're allowed, you know, ev-- whether it's a bad performance or something that's negative written," he's like, "You have 24 hours-

Helga: [laughs]

Julia: -to feel bad about this. And then you are not allowed-- You have to move on. You just said to move on." And honestly, it's such a good rule 'cause you can-- you just get hung-- you can really get hung up. And it-- that's not only so-- That is just the vainest thing in the world. I mean, that's, you know, whatever. But the point is, the performance is done. Just move on. And get your- get your game- your head focused for the next thing.

Helga: So I read a couple of things.

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: I usually don't like to read a bunch of stuff about a person that I'm gonna speak with.

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: Mostly because I don't wanna know what other people think. I don't wanna be impressed at all-

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: -by what anyone else has to say. I wanna have the conversation that's in front of me-

Julia: Sure. Absolutely.

Helga: -that-that day, right?

Julia: Absolutely.

Helga: But I did notice that some people refer to you as the American soprano, and then some people called you the African-American.

Julia: Mm-hmm.

Helga: The Black, the-- And I'm-I'm wondering if any of that matters to you or impacts you, or if you have any feeling about any of that at all.

Julia: Yeah, I have complex-complex feelings about it.

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: Everything that has been said in terms of a descriptor, it's like, "All right, they're just trying to find some way to identify me." And we love-- As human beings, we love categorizing people and placing them in-- you know. [chuckles]

Helga: And of course, they say those things--

Julia: Labeling things.

Helga: And I just need to interject this.

Julia: Yeah.

Helga: They say those things, at the same time, they say that you're a singer who is not easy to categorize.

Julia: [laughs] [unintelligible 00:32:10]

Helga: Right. So it's both things at the same time. Sorry.

Julia: Yeah. No, that's fine.

Helga: Please continue.

Julia: That's just- that's just-- that's press comedy for-- you know. [laughs] Um, I'm not quite sure why. It's like if-if they publish a photo of my face, it's very clear that I am not a white American. Why does it need to be in print? I don't know. But hey, whatever, it's just-- it's an obvious thing. If they feel a need to write, that is a particular descriptive word. One thing that I'm-- I've wondered is, are they trying to f-- Are they trying to get, like, the next great Black Ame-American soprano? And am I up for that decision?

Helga: Award. Yeah. Oh.

Julia: It's like, "I do not." It's like, that's just- that is not why I went into music. That is not on my mind, really. Tha-- But that's also-- that's just part of the-- like, that's just business. You know what I mean? That has nothing really to do with what I'm doing or why I'm doing this. I am so grateful for the women who came ahead of me. And man, it's-- uh, really, it's like-- And it's overw- it's really overwhelming thinking about their stories.

Helga: Which women, in particular, come to mind when you think about--

Julia: It's just me and, uh, Dorothy Maynor right now, because-

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: -the fact that she studied all of these operas, but never had a chance to perform one of them on stage. Like, hun-- She said she memorized hundreds. It's like--

Helga: Hmm.

Julia: It's like, "Wow, wow, wow." Yeah, there were just restrictions placed around her that aren't placed around me. I mean, I say that, but I also know that there are c-- a-- You know, there are certain companies who have called on me to sing certain roles that are just, I know, absolutely inappropriate. Um, [chuckles] but it's because of the way that I look, oddly. And then, mm, I don't know if that precludes them from thinking about me for other roles, but that's the first place-

Helga: Right.

Julia: -that's tapped into. But I have a lot of different voices, you know. [chuckles]

Helga: I'm counting on it. Yeah.

Julia: Yeah. [chuckles] Um, I'm not quite sure which one is the primary-

Helga: Uh-huh.

Julia: -you know, quite-

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: -quite yet. I guess I'm still kind of sorting that out or toying around with what-- coming to terms with what my truly unique voices because there's so many places you draw inspiration and so many people you wanna try to sound like, and it's like, well-- and that other people want you to sound like in a particular piece for a particular mode. I guess that's when you really start making people angry about your particular interpretation of a work 'cause it's like-

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: -"I'm sorry, you may really love that, but I'm just not gonna-- [chuckles] That's just not how it's going with me."

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: I'm not quite ready to- [chuckles]

Helga: Yeah.

Julia: -make my--

Helga: And-and the question is, do you- do you have to?

Julia: No, I had--

Helga: Like, do you have to be one voice?

Julia: No. Exactly.

Helga: Right?

Julia: Exactly. And I-I don't- I don't think so. There've been many singers who have said I've always just sing with my voice, but aga-again, it's just like, "Well, but God, the human voice itself is capable of so many different kinds of sounds, and they can all be produced, if they're produced healthily." And even if they aren't, if it's for a very specific reason, and you're not truly harming yourself, you know, permanently, I have-- The teachers that I have in place now are the ones who try to make sure that I'm doing what I do and what I wanna do safely.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: That's their job.

Helga: Mm-hmm.

Julia: And I'm really grateful for that. Um, 'cause I-I-- otherwise, I mi-- I really might throw myself in--

Helga: Out.

Julia: Just throw myself out 'cause temperamentally, that's definitely my--

Helga: [chuckles] Inclination.

Julia: Oh, yours, too? I like that. Mine, too. Secret. Secret, Helga. [shushes]

Helga: [laughs]

Julia: [whispers] We don't talk about that.

Helga: [whispers] No, we don't talk about that.

Julia: Okay, okay.

Helga: I'm going to let you go. Thank you for-- Thank you.

Julia: Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

Helga: Julia Bullock, a wonderful young soprano whose work I'm looking forward to following. Tell me this, too, what are the ways in which you connect with history and use what you do to connect to the world around you? And what are some of the ways in which some small action that you took came back to you when you needed it the most? You can always reach out to me at helga@wqxr.org or follow me on Facebook.

Announcer: This episode of Helga was produced by Julia Alsop and executive producer, Alex Ambrose. It was mixed by Curtis Macdonald with help from Hannis Brown and original music by Alex Overington. Special thanks to Cindy Kim, Lorraine Maddox, Michael Elsesser, Jacqueline Cincotta, and John Chao.

 

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