Your Restaurant Red Flags

Dry Pot at Málà Project, a Sichuan restaurant in the East Village
( Richard Yeh / WNYC )

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Brian Lehrer: It's Brian Lehrer on WNYC. For our last 10 minutes today, we're going to talk about despite all the great food that New York City has to offer, there's some really bad food and some really bad restaurants out there too. We have a guest on this, but, listeners, you're invited in too. What are some of your red flags for bad restaurants? 212-433-WNYC. What automatically turns you off at a place or maybe even ruins your appetite? We're not just talking about health code violations here. Are there any styles of décor or menu items that signal poor food quality? Conversely, are there signs that tell you the food served will be great? 212-433-WNYC. Call or text 212-433-9692. With us for this is our inspiration for this segment, Tammie Teclemariam, underground gourmet columnist at Grub Street from New York Magazine. Tammie, welcome back to WNYC.

Tammie Teclemariam: Hi, Brian. Thanks for having me.

Brian Lehrer: You wrote up a red flag list. What inspired you to do this?

Tammie Teclemariam: Somebody was actually interviewing me and they asked me how I know what restaurants I want to go to. I kept saying, it's an intuition. It's just something that I've built up over time. Then, they asked me, can you just give us one red flag? I said crispy rice. Then, I think I just kept thinking about it later that afternoon, and I saw a restaurant that I was looking at, and it had the ivy wall with the neon writing on it, and it was just like, bingo. There are so many big things that are just part of my senses, but you can list them.

Brian Lehrer: Fake ivy walls because they're often fake ivy walls, right, and neon signs?

Tammie Teclemariam: Typically, yes. You've seen them.

Brian Lehrer: I've seen them. Another one is what you call public displays of caviar. What does that even mean?

Tammie Teclemariam: Well, the caviar-- How do I put this? It's just become such a visual sign of how much you're spending at a meal. There are some places where it's not just a supplement, but it gets delivered to you in a very public, very attention-grabbing way. It's one thing to be served caviar on top of your scallop dish, but it's another thing for it to come with a sparkler in it.

Brian Lehrer: Maybe in a similar vein, truffle pasta?

Tammie Teclemariam: Well, I mean, truffles really should be consumed in season, and when they're not, it's just not a good truffle, and you're just being overcharged for a subpar experience. Save up your truffle money for November through January.

Brian Lehrer: Other ambience-related red flags, we mentioned the neon signs and the fake ivy walls, include loud music, edgy signs in the bathroom, and some other things you wrote about. You want to pick one?

Tammie Teclemariam: Well, after the edgy signs is Mayor Adams' approval, and I'm not here to pick on him, but I do think that he could be a better public vegan and could be doing a better job of just showcasing some of the city's more interesting vegetarian restaurants.

Brian Lehrer: Craig in Morganville has a red flag for a bad restaurant that doesn't have to do with the health codes. Craig, you're on WNYC. Hello.

Craig: Hey, how you doing? Whenever you go into a diner or even a restaurant a little bit more upscale and the server comes over and they think they're cleaning the table with one of those wet dish rags and it leaves a smell of dirty dishwater on there, it makes me want to wretch. It just drives me insane.

Brian Lehrer: Or chlorine. Is the chlorine any better, Craig?

Craig: I don't even know what the smell is, and it's just horrible. [laughs]

Brian Lehrer: Thank you very much. Alden in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Alden.

Alden: Hi. Yes, so I just wanted to share a tip my friend Danny told me that I found to be totally true, is that any restaurant that's been there for a while that has terrible fluorescent lighting is going to be a great restaurant. It shouldn't be a turn off because people will go there in spite of the terrible fluorescent light, and if they've been in business for a couple years, it's a great sign that it's a mainstay.

Brian Lehrer: Wait, I think we could get a low stakes debate going here with Amy in the Bronx. Amy, you're on WNYC. Hi.

Amy: Absolutely, totally disagree. I think fluorescent lighting is a huge turn off and completely disrupts my appetite, especially when it's such an easy fix. You go into a nice restaurant, you're going to spend a lot of money, and all they have to do is design their light.

Brian Lehrer: Tammie, I don't know if you can settle this low stakes debate, but is bad lighting in a restaurant like fluorescent lighting a sign that the food must be so good that people go there anyway or, "Oh, come on, get over it?"

Tammie Teclemariam: Well, the condition that the first caller gave was that the restaurant's been around for a long time, so-

Brian Lehrer: Yes, good point.

Tammie Teclemariam: - it definitely indicates that the food is good enough that people will suffer a little bit of visual inconvenience.

Brian Lehrer: Let's see. Some other things you don't want to see on a menu include spicy rigatoni, eggs for dinner, or smashburgers. Please explain at least one.

Tammie Teclemariam: [laughs] Well, smashburger is kind of like if a restaurant suddenly starts doing a smashburger because it just feels like a desperate plea for attention, especially when they're not known for burgers or it's just kind of like a way to bring people in. As far as spicy rigatoni, that's definitely more for the modern era of red sauce restaurants. This isn't against Bamonte's or Randazzo's or something, but you just end up with a lot of Carbone knockoffs when you could just go to Carbone or Parm.

Brian Lehrer: John in Maplewood has a restaurant red flag. Hi, John, you're on WNYC.

John: Hey, Brian. Love your show. I'm a big believer in the garnish on the cocktail. If you don't have enough wherewithal to prepare new garnish or fresh garnish, you see a little bit of a funky lime or something, that is a huge turn off for me, and I think twice about going back there for sure.

Brian Lehrer: There you go. Thank you very much. That might be related to your objection, Tammie, to the little apparel umbrellas?

Tammie Teclemariam: Well, that just kind of means that they're in the pocket of Big Apparel or Big Campari or something. The level of cocktails is so high in New York, and I think what this caller is saying, it's like he wants to see his lemon zest freshly peeled before it's spritzed over his martini, but not every place is going to do that, and that's just-- I think with drinks, it's a little bit easier to excuse them.

Brian Lehrer: We have time for one more I think. Cheryl in Irvington on Hudson, you're on WNYC. Hi, Cheryl, what's your red flag for a bad restaurant?

Cheryl: Hi, Brian. My red flag is when someone says they're the best at something, so if it's the best pizza or the best burger, and also when they try and do too many things, so they're trying to have like gyros and pizza and all different things and too many sauces. I just feel like simple is best.

Brian Lehrer: Cheryl, thank you very much. Real quick, Tammie, what about that, "We're the best at X claim," unless they, of course, can cite that Grub Street rated it that way?

Tammie Teclemariam: Well, boastfulness is often a sign of insecurity, whether we're talking about restaurants or people, so.

Brian Lehrer: That is the last word from the, obviously, very secure because she was not boastful, she stuck all to content through this whole conversation. Tammie Teclemariam, underground gourmet columnist at Grub Street New York Magazine on red flags for bad restaurants. This is great, Tammie. Thank you so much.

Tammie Teclemariam: Thank you.

Brian Lehrer: That's the Brian Lehrer Show for today. Produced by MaryEileen Croke, Lisa Allison, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond, and Esperanza Rosenbaum. Zach Gottehrer-Cohen produces our Daily Politics podcast. Juliana Fonda and Milton Ruiz at the audio controls. Stay tuned for All Of It.

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