[music]

Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC and now to your new year's resolutions for 2021, are they different than before the pandemic, than before the social justice movement, than before the election? Obviously, there was a social justice movement before 2020, but before it broke out in the way that it did last year? I'll throw in one other thing. According to psychologists, forgiveness actually increases hope and self-esteem and lowers anxiety and depression.

There's an article in the Atlantic right now by Arthur Brooks who's a psychologist as well as a columnist and he suggests making resolutions that will make you and those around you feel happier this year. He says those resolutions include having to do with gratitude, which is psychologically very beneficial, and forgiveness, which is psychologically very beneficial to the forgiver as well as the forgivee.

Those are just a few thoughts that are going around for people reading this I think widely circulated article from the Atlantic this weekend, and having to do with new year's resolutions at a time like this. Let's see what we're getting on the phones. How about Jessica in Washington Heights? Hi, Jessica, you're on WNYC, happy new year.

Jessica: Hi Brian. My new year's resolution is always to renew my commitment to my art, but this year after spending quarantine in Woodhill Park and in Fort Triad and studying the birds and the weeds, my resolution includes a deepening of my commitment to learning and knowing and connecting to nature and caring for it.

Brian Lehrer: Jessica, thank you very much, inspired by how much time you had to spend outside because of the pandemic as opposed to indoors with others. I get you. Nicole in Manhattan you're on WNYC. Hi Nicole.

Nicole: Hi, thank you, Brian. This year my resolution is to be kinder, more compassionate. I think it can help to reverse the trend of the last three years that we've been living in and that's a letter I wrote to my children and grandchildren this year for the new year wishing them kindness, forgiveness, love, and compassion. I think with that energy, we can live the next few months in a more peaceful and a more positive way.

I do believe it's always been in the past about accomplishing more, being more disciplined, but right now it's about loving and caring and kindness and compassion.

Brian: Thank you so much.

Nicole: I firmly [chuckles] really intend to do that.

Brian Lehrer: Good Nicole, what a resolution or a set of resolutions. Thank you very much. Richard in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi Richard, happy new year.

Richard: Hi, happy new year, Brian. My resolution for 2020 was to not eat after 7:00 PM. My resolution for 2021 is completely different. I actually borrowed it from the actress, Ellen Barkin who tweeted this out on new year's eve. She said, "My new year's resolution, I will no longer engage in someone else's fantasy of the truth."

Brian Lehrer: Good concept. I will no longer engage in someone else's fantasy of the truth.

Richard: Of the truth, exactly. That's direct from Ellen Barkin the actress. It just spoke to me so well because I think that personally people I know, and also of course with what's going on in Washington if people, for example, right after the election said, "No, you lost, sir, do whatever you want, but you lost, we're not going to engage in it," we wouldn't be in this situation we're in right now.

Brian Lehrer: That's true, but you can't make a new year's resolution for Donald Trump. You have to make one for yourself, but Richard, I hear you. Kay in Westchester, you're on WNYC. Hi Kay.

Kay: Hey, how are you? Hi everyone. I decided this year, instead of having those, "I'm going to be much better looking and I'm going to work on my weight and appearance," I've decided to focus on me and I'm going to be kinder to me and myself and what I need and what makes me happy because I think in this world, a happier me [chuckles], this my little Kay world and all of the people that I help and support in my work will do better by me being kinder to me and being from that place.

Brian Lehrer: Is this different from resolutions you've made in the past?

Kay: Oh, so different. The differences are, instead of just doing a catchment self care and everything, I don't have a construct. I'm just going to be forgiving of myself because of all of the things that swirl in your head about what you should do and how things should be with all of the things that have happened, so many people are gone and not here. I have to just be good to myself, think of me, and give that to the world. I think--

Brian Lehrer: Kay, Thank-- Go ahead, finish your thought. Sorry.

Kay: [crosstalk].

Brian Lehrer: Kay, thank you very much, and it relates to the Atlantic article and in a way that maybe people wouldn't think of right away, because if he says forgiveness and gratitude are two good things to focus on in resolutions, well, usually when we say forgiveness, we're talking about forgiving other people, and you're saying you need to forgive yourself.

I guess that's a good place to start if you're going to go down the road of forgiveness in general. Kay. Thank you so much. Susan, in South Orange, you're on WNYC. Hi Susan, happy new year.

Susan: Hi, happy new year. I loved your questions.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you.

Susan: One of my thoughts for this year had to do with, yes, it changed from COVID because I just had more time simply in the last quarter of last year to really reflect and be thoughtful about the person I am. One of the little things I started doing on a weekly basis was just to write the tiny, tiny little victories I had in my small little daily life. Something, for example, like, "Oh, I got hurt last week and I didn't immediately start blaming other people and getting angry." I mean really tiny things.

My I guess resolution for this year is to continue to work on not just gratitude, but self care with a capital S, celebrating the little, little moments where I could have reacted one way and I just had 10 seconds more thoughtfulness and chose a slightly, slightly better way to act because like the caller said before me, I do believe that if I'm able to take care of my mental constitution, my mental health, I will be a more positive person.

Ultimately I want to be a more positive energy and influence to everyone around me. I don't want to cause harm to people and I do believe there are ways we do that unintentionally, so more thoughtfulness, less reaction, and staying with my breath and being positive for everybody around me.

Brian Lehrer: That's great. Was there something about the events of the world in 2020 that led you to that? Of course, the kinds of things that you're talking about are eternally good, perennially good for self-awareness and introspection. Was there something that led you to this in a different way for new years, 2021?

Susan: Certainly. I would say the main maybe turning point, a heightened moment was that my mother was in a nursing home and she's very old and she was tested positive for COVID. There was a moment where I and my family thought that she would die by herself in the nursing home and somehow or some way she did survive because she's very strong physically and we ended up taking care of her in my house in South Orange, New Jersey with my husband.

It was a time where without trying to cultivate gratitude or be thankful, it was like every moment of my days were full of this serious profound amazement and thankfulness that she didn't die by herself. It's something that, in a sense, I felt couldn't be cultivated. It was the sheer act of being able to take care of her that made me so grateful. I feel like I'll never forget that experience over a few months.

Also during that time as you're taking care of someone 100% there's also moments of reflecting as you're acting in that way. I guess that would be a big reason why I had the chance and the time to think in this way.

Brian Lehrer: Wow. Flowing right from that idea, that feeling that you had of gratitude under those extreme circumstances. Susan, thank you so much. I'm glad other people got to hear you say all that. Mellon Glen Ridge, you're on WNYC. Hi Mel.

Mellon: Hi Brian. Huge fan. Thanks for all you do for all of us.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you.

Mellon: My nantra, not resolution, is not to have any more resolutions, but mantras for each year. Today's my 50th birthday. I decided even more strongly when I woke up this morning that I have to get rid of all the resolutions and create mantras because we survived last year, this virus, and we can do anything. My mantra for 2021 and beyond is endless possibilities to live my life in a meaningful way to serve others. [sobbing] I get very emotional because this has been a tough year. I thank you for everything.

Brian Lehrer: I hear you, Mel, do you want to take our last seconds and say how you're going to try to do that?

Mellon: Oh, yes, this year taught me a lot. I'm going to be more with my family, spend time with them. I learned so much about my family, my kids, and myself, and also to serve anyone that's in need. It could be anything, it could be a prayer. It could be just dropping a grocery bag. Also, I realized that technology innovation and all the health workers prove that there are endless possibilities.

Even my own clients. They created some technology with magnetic field to kill the virus. We will work. We will work harder, we will fight this, and we'll go through this.

Brian Lehrer: Mel, thank you so much and thanks to all of you for those wonderful new year's resolutions, 2021 edition.

Copyright © 2020 New York Public Radio. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use at www.wnyc.org for further information.

New York Public Radio transcripts are created on a rush deadline, often by contractors. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of New York Public Radio’s programming is the audio record.