Which Version of Yourself Are You Bringing Home for the Holidays?

This Nov. 2, 2009, file photo shows a Thanksgiving turkey in Concord, N.H.
( AP Photo/Larry Crowe, File )

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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Now we're going to continue our pre-holiday call-in series about the politics of home. Thanksgiving is next week, obviously, and then Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, all coming next month, which means people and families are making plans on if and how to gather together. Yesterday we took calls from the hosts' perspective.

If you heard our show at this time yesterday, we were inviting people hosting for the first time this year after maybe your parents or other elders did it in the past on Thanksgiving. We're going to switch it up today. Today we're wondering, for those of you who are going to celebrate with family at any time in the coming weeks, which version of yourself are you bringing home for the holidays? Which version of yourself are you bringing home for the holidays? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692, or Tweet @BrianLehrer.

I think you know what I mean. I think many people who visit family, especially after not seeing them for a while, can relate to the feeling of reverting back to old scripts. You're going home to see mom and dad, you're a college student, you're a young adult, and all of a sudden you're reverting to the middle school version of yourself. You recognize that, and you fall into past dynamics for better or for worse.

Does that sound like you? What version of yourself are you planning to bring home this year? 212-433-WNYC, 433-9692. On the other hand, the parents in that equation do the same thing. They revert to treating you as if you were back in middle school, in some cases. Then at another level, do you feel like you have to edit yourself when you go home,

in general? When you go home for the holidays, either fit in better or just to survive the situation with the least amount of friction? Do you know what I mean?

Yesterday, someone tweeted in response to the hosting segment saying, "I remember how empowered I felt when I made the choice to host my own Friendsgiving with our staff and regulars, rather than drive eight hours of traffic to a dry Turkey in the same six sides I had since the '80s." I think that that sense of empowerment wasn't really about the food and the long drive. It was about, if you couldn't bring yourself with your new out gender identities, or you couldn't bring yourselves with your new relationship, what version of yourself are you bringing home for the holidays this year?

Does COVID affect this after three years of that? What version of your health are you bringing home for the holidays, or if you are the host, what version of yourself are you bringing as those other maybe sometimes troublesome family members come to visit? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692, or tweet @BrianLehrer. We'll take your calls right after this.

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Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Now to your calls on which version of yourself you will be bringing home for the holidays. A carefully edited version, my full self, I don't care version, or anything else. Sam in Hicksville, you're on WNYC. Hi, Sam.

Sam: Good morning, Brian. How are you today?

Brian Lehrer: Good. What version of yourself are you bringing home to what?

Sam: I go to Thanksgiving out at my aunt's house in Montauk. I am bringing the most well-dressed, boozy, bougie version of myself,

Brian Lehrer: Nice.

Sam: Normally, for the holidays, we'll dress in business casual or just in our PJs. When we go out to my aunt's house in Montauk, we all get on our tights and our best suits. It's a whole lot of fun, but it's also a little uncomfortable because we're trying not to, I guess, act out of turn.

Brian Lehrer: Does dressing up like that put everybody on their best behavior too?

Sam: I'd say so. We still have the mischievous little cousins that play pranks on the holidays, so it's not all too much fanciness.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you, Sam. Thank you very much. Kate in Northport as we stay on the island, you're on WNYC. Hi, Kate.

Kate: Hey, Brian. I love your show.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you.

Kate: Love your show. I am bringing a very peaceful, happy mother, ex-wife to my table. I'm probably in the most friendly divorce on the planet, and my husband and grown boys are coming, and we get along better now than ever. It makes the boys super happy and it's just something to be very thankful for.

Brian Lehrer: I guess so. Do you want to give anybody any advice about how to go through a friendly divorce?

Kate: Yes, I would say keep your own side of the street clean and own your stuff.

Brian Lehrer: Nice. Thank you very much. Enlightened, right? Jessica in Windsor Terrace. You're on WNYC. Hi, Jessica.

Jessica: Hi, how are you?

Brian Lehrer: Good, and I see you're hosting this year.

Jessica: Yes, I'm hosting, my firstborn is actually coming home from college for the first time, and I am bringing to the table a very then-like mother. We went through the college process during COVID, it was really tough for her, and these college kids that are coming home are still very stressed. I just made a pact with myself that I am going to set the table with lots of calm vibes so that she can just chill and relax.

Brian Lehrer: Don't get hooked by old scripts, right?

Jessica: Yes. I just promised myself self also, whatever time she wakes up, I asked her, I said, all right, if she wakes up at 2:00, great, that's when we're eating. If she wakes up at 4:00 in the afternoon, great, that's when we're eating, but I just want to bring that vibe to her and my family.

Brian Lehrer: Jessica, thank you very much. All right, listeners, what version of yourself are you bringing to, or hosting with, now that we got that call, Thanksgiving or any of the other holidays this year? 212-433-WNYC 212-433-9692 or tweet @BrianLehrer. A listener writes, "Wow, this is a heavy question. I am the middle generation celebrating with my 79-year-old mom and uncle and my college-age kids. I struggle with this." Susan in the West Village maybe doesn't struggle so much. Susan, you're on WNYC. Hi, there.

Susan: Hi. How are you?

Brian Lehrer: Good. What you got?

Susan: Yes, I don't have too many versions of myself, and I'm the offbeat one of the family, so there's really no hiding anything. I probably won't curse, I might drink a little less wine, but what you see is what you get.

Brian Lehrer: Does that ever cause problems for you, but you're deciding that editing yourself is even worse?

Susan: Editing myself would be way worse. I'm not really chameleonlike in that way, so they're used to me.

Brian Lehrer: Susan, thank you very much. Michael in Queens, you're on WNYC. Hi, Michael.

Michael: Oh, hey, Brian. How you doing?

Brian Lehrer: Good. How are you going to--

Michael: Good. Excellent.

Brian Lehrer: What version of yourself?

Michael: Oh, well, okay. My version is pretty traditional this year and will continue to be, I think, mostly, but this year it rings true to home because we've had a lot of pain in my wife and my family. We are endeavoring to do what we can to remind people what Thanksgiving is actually about. I'm going to The Nines, turkey, all the whole nine yards, and then we will do that and we'll take a road trip and go visit all the people that we can't see in person.

There are only going to be three of us here, but Thanksgiving is one of those few opportunities you have to share love without any other connotations involved.

Brian Lehrer: Purest love.

Michael: I'm reading about the Heisenberg principle right now.

Brian Lehrer: You want to give us the ten-second Heisenberg principle takeaway?

Michael: Sure. Momentum and place. You can't know those things simultaneously, and to not understand that as a universal fact really leaves you lacking in your perception of reality. How's that?

Brian Lehrer: Pass the cranberry sauce. Michael, thank you.

Michael: Oh, dude. Homemade orange peel home nine yards. Don't worry, grandma taught me well.

Brian Lehrer: There you go. Michael, thank you very much. Jordan in Norfolk, Connecticut, you're on WNYC. Hi, Jordan.

Jordan: Oh, hey, Brian. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the air. I am bringing, for the first time, I'm excited to say, my sober self to Thanksgiving. Early this year, I came to grips with a lifetime of alcoholism and I sobered up, and I'm doing great and living a spiritual, sober life and my family is excited to get to know the new me.

Brian Lehrer: That's wonderful. That is really wonderful. By the way, how do you say the name of your town? I lived in a city for a few years with the same spelling in Virginia, and they say Newfick, N-E-W-F-I-C-K, Newfick. How do you say it in Connecticut?

Jordan: I think the natives would call it Norfork with an O-R-K at the end.

Brian Lehrer: Oh, even though there's an L, it's O-L-K, right?

Jordan: Correct. They would say Norfolk.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you very much. Uh-oh, we're going to end with Ann in Albertson back to Long Island, who's bringing a disguised version. Ann, you're on WNYC.

Ann: Yes, I am. Thank you for your show and everything that it brings us. You see, I live outside the country, I live in Europe, but I'm in the States. I planned my visit so that I could spend Thanksgiving with my family, we're native New Yorkers. The disguised version tries not to have an opinion about politics, about the American culture. As a European, when I come to the States, I'm overwhelmed with the emphasis on money. Everything that has to do with money, money--

Brian Lehrer: I'm going to have to leave it there because we're out of time. Honestly, folks, it's more Ann's thought, maybe not from an international perspective that I thought we were going to get mostly in this call in, how you're editing your politics to get through the holidays, but we got so much sweetness, didn't we? Thank all your sweet people, all your sweet selves, and all your highly edited selves too.

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