[MUSIC]
Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. To end today with something completely different, 10 minutes of calls for anyone who has recently used a dating app. How are dating apps working for you, or not? Are dating apps in 2024 a good experience or a good way to meet people in your experience? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692.
Why do we ask this today? Well, the phrase "platform decay"- have you heard that phrase, platform decay- was recently coined to describe how tech platforms, all kinds of tech platforms from social media sites to Amazon, have declined in quality as they've expanded.
Now, a new op-ed in The New York Times by sexual culture critic, Magdalene J. Taylor, confirms that dating apps are also suffering the same fate. "Most platforms," she writes, "are making people pay for premium features changing the overall experience." Have you seen the piece? It's titled It's Not You Dating Apps Are Getting Worse. We're opening up the phones to online daters. How are dating apps working for you or not? Are dating apps in 2024 a good experience or a good way to meet people in your experience? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. This is a short call in, so call in and pretty much you'll get right on.
If you've used dating apps for a while now to the point of the op-ed, how have the apps changed over time, and how are those changes impacting your dating experience? Basically, are dating apps good these days? What do you find are the pros and cons of whatever apps you do use? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692, call us or text us.
Taylor writes in The Times, op-ed, "Many apps have pulled the people you would most like to match with into a separate category such as Hinge's standout section, often only accessible to those who pay for premium features. Even if you do decide to sign up for them, many people find the idea of someone paying to match with them to be off-putting anyway," says the article.
If you paid for premium features, tell us why and if that worked out for you. In general, the question is, are dating apps in 2024 a good experience or a good way to meet people in your experience? 212-433-WNYC, call or text and we'll take your calls and text right after this.
[MUSIC - Marden Hill: Hijack]
Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Now to your recent experiences with dating apps. Are they getting worse as an op-ed in The New York Times argues? Erin in Manhattan, you're on WNYC. Hi, Erin.
Erin: Yes. Hi. What an apropos session thing to talk about. I'm on all of them. I won't do Hinge anymore because I feel like a commodity. I stick with Bumble primarily. I think for me it's better to just be more careful with selecting and reading the profiles instead of just swiping more recklessly, so to speak, because then you can really filter out by yourself if you take more time to read carefully what you're looking for. There are telltale signs you can see in someone's profile that will tell if they're looking for a real relationship or not. It will save yourself time instead of doing Spotlight or all of these other things.
Brian Lehrer: Good tip, Erin. Thanks for starting us off. Bella, on the Upper East Side, you're WNYC. Hi, Bella.
Bella: Hi. I also agree with Erin. The commodification of dating apps is absurd. There's no real connection anymore. I'm on Hinge. I was previously when I was younger on Kinder and Bumble, and I feel as though people are just a picture. You can't really know the full story until you sit down with a person. As a straight woman, dating in New York is not the easiest.
I find a lot of times, I either get ghosted or people are dishonest with who they are. It's not easy. A lot of my friends have the same issues with getting ghosted or not having the same like natural connection that you would have in real life.
Brian Lehrer: Did it used to be better?
Bella: I think so. I think it did. I think that with dating apps there's a certain expectation. Even though certain people say that they're looking for either something serious or something potentially serious, it usually ends up being more casual or a one-off.
Brian Lehrer: Bella, thank you. Good luck out there. Gabriel in Macintosh County, Georgia. Gabriel, you're on WNYC. Hi.
Gabriel: Hey, Brian, thanks so much, and good morning. I don't think dating apps are getting worse because they've never been good.
Brian Lehrer: [chuckles] That's one way to look at it. Are you using dating apps? Do you have a story?
Gabriel: Yes. I never relied on dating apps, certainly not in New York when I lived in New York, only because it seemed like I guess maybe antithetical to the kind of the social rituals of living in a creative city like that. It just seemed like an odd concept to connect with people through digital technology. The design of a dating app, it seems to be more of like a hot or not concept rather than a platform for human connection, you know?
Brian Lehrer: Yes., although I will say that I personally know two New York couples who met on dating apps and got married. One of them just this year, and one just a few years ago. It works for some people. Tiffany in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Tiffany.
Tiffany: Hi Brian. Can you hear me?
Brian Lehrer: I can hear you.
Tiffany: You just mentioned having friends that have gotten married. I was married myself and got divorced by the time I was 30. Then I went on the dating apps and had fun like people do because you get to meet a lot of people. Then when I changed and I started wanting something different, I started wanting something serious again, I brought that to the apps. I think that's the thing that is missing in the conversation about the apps, is like, we think that somehow the apps are going to do everything for us. When I decided I want something serious, I started articulating that to the people I was meeting.
The people I was meeting on OkCupid weren't working for me. Girlfriend said, "Why don't you try Bumble? Women have a little bit more control over what's going on." The second date I went on was this incredible human who became my husband. We went through the pandemic together three years after we met, we had our son. Then I just gave birth to our twins a month ago.
Brian Lehrer: Yay. So it can--
Tiffany: I think I've had a super success story.
Brian Lehrer: It sounds--
Tiffany: But I will say -- go ahead.
Brian Lehrer: Oh, I was just going to say, it sounds like you communicated very clearly when you were interested in a serious relationship as opposed to fun.
Tiffany: Yes. I don't why we talk about apps, like they're that much different than meeting people "the old-fashioned way." If I meet someone the old-fashioned way and I just want to go home with them, that's all I'm going to do. If I meet someone the old-fashioned way and I'm trying to establish something more serious at some point, I'm going to articulate that early on and I'm going to be more vulnerable early on because I want to see how that person can handle it.
We can't just go on dating apps and think that we don't have to do all the regular stuff anyway. You know what I mean?
Brian Lehrer: I do know what you mean. You got to be a person and put in the work. Tiffany, thank you very much. Well, I guess that's where we're going to leave it. Some interesting stories of failure, frustration, judgment, and success on dating apps in 2024 and in recent years that led up to some very good relationships, including marriage. That's The Brian Lehrer Show for today, produced by Mary Croke, Lisa Allison, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond and Esperanza Rosenbaum. Zach Gottehrer-Cohen edits our National Politics Podcast. Our intern this term is Ethel and Daniel [unintelligible 00:09:39]. Megan Ryan is the head of live radio. We had Juliana Fonda at the audio controls. I'm Brian Lehrer. Stay tuned for All Of It.
[MUSIC]
Copyright © 2024 New York Public Radio. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use at www.wnyc.org for further information.
New York Public Radio transcripts are created on a rush deadline, often by contractors. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of New York Public Radio’s programming is the audio record.