Turning Into Your Mother

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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Now, let's wrap up the show for today and for this week as we head into Mother's Day weekend with a call-in that hopefully will be a little bit of fun on the question, when did you first realize that you were turning into your mother? 212-433-WNYC. For a little bit of additional fun, if you want to throw this in, do you have a mom joke? You know how we talk about dad jokes all the time?
Dad jokes are supposed to be bad jokes, bad puns, and stuff, but I've never heard the expression mom jokes. Was there a joke that your mother used to tell or a joke that you associate with your mother for some reason? 212-433-WNYC. Celebrate your mother on Mother's Day by retelling her favorite joke, if you would like to, 212-433-9692, but also, when did you find yourself turning into your mom?
Are there certain expressions or mannerisms that you suddenly blurted out without thinking one day or expressing yourself physically in a certain way one day, and you said, "Oh my God, I'm turning into my mom." What was that moment for you? 212-433-WNYC. There was a study in 2019 of 2,000 women. A UK doctor, Dr. Julian De Silva, did that study and found that most women "become their mothers around age 33."
The behavior, mostly for women who are mothers themselves, included adopting the same sayings, participating in the same hobbies, and watching the same TV shows as their moms. This is reported in The Mirror, the British newspaper. We don't have to limit these calls just to women either. There are guys who may see yourself at some point turning into your mom in one way or another. 212-433-9692.
When you realized you were becoming like your mother, did it change the way that you understood her, or did it make you understand something about yourself in a different way? If you're a parent, did it change your parenting style? If you had one specific moment in time when you've told yourself that you're becoming like your mother, maybe it was something you literally said, something that she used to say or still says.
Tell us some of your mom's favorite sayings along these lines too if that's how this sparks a response in you. 212-433-WNYC on when you first realized you're becoming like your mom, and tell us a mom joke if you got one. 212-433-WNYC. That's not a joke on your mother. That's a joke from your mother. When did you first see yourself becoming your mother, and does anybody have a mom joke? There are dad jokes out there. Who has a mom joke? Is it even a thing? Laura in Breezy Point, you're on WNYC. Hi, Laura.
Laura: How are you?
Brian Lehrer: Good. How are you?
Laura: I'm very well, thank you.
Brian Lehrer: When did you see yourself turning into your mother?
Laura: I was a kindergarten teacher in my early 20s, and my clown mother, professional clown, influenced me greatly with her creativity, her sense of love, love for children. I said, "You know what, mom is in me and I'm becoming my mom." [laughs] Right in the kindergarten classes in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.
Brian Lehrer: In the nicest possible way if I'm hearing you correctly, right?
Laura: Absolutely. She was a very special woman.
Brian Lehrer: Any mom jokes or was that not a thing in your house?
Laura: Oh, it was a big thing in my house. I grew up with four older brothers, a lot of sarcasm, but my mom as the clown had this joke, why was the circus so wet?
Brian Lehrer: Why?
Laura: Because the man on the flying Trapeeed.
Brian Lehrer: [laughs] You almost can't say that one on the radio, but you could. Laura, thank you. Thank you so much for starting us off. Here's Harriet in Jersey City. You're on WNYC. Hi, Harriet.
Harriet: Hey, Brian. A long, long time, first time. As my mother got older in her 70s and 80s and she stopped driving, it was my dad who was going to take her to grocery shopping in Cliffside Park, which is just across the river from the city. He would take her to one store for this, and she liked the mayonnaise at that store. When he passed, my sister and I were then responsible for either taking her shopping or shopping for her.
We were like, "No way." We both had jobs, and there was no way we were going to do it. Give us your list. I retired during the first six months of COVID, and of course, during COVID I was not shopping at every single store, but now that everything is open, I really find myself becoming my mother. I am shopping at this store, from Trader Joe's for this, and that store for that. I walk to my local grocery store and the local fruit stands.
I think we did my mom a disservice because it wasn't really about the food, it was really about the social interaction that she was getting. I guess I feel bad because I think we took that away from her because I get a lot of joy when I'm doing all that shopping. I know it sounds kind of silly, but [crosstalk].
Brian Lehrer: No, it really relates to our earlier segments today in that respect too, about the social interaction. Mom jokes in your house or not so much?
Harriet: No mom jokes. No. My mom was a Depression child and came here from Ukraine in 1920, so there weren't a lot of jokes. Thanks a lot, Brian. We love you.
Brian Lehrer: Thank you so much. Cindy in Cranford, New Jersey, you're on WNYC. Hi, Cindy.
Cindy: Hi, Brian. Thank you so much for taking my call. I'm along the lines of the previous caller. My mother loved our small town of Cranford. She worked in the bank, and everybody knew Norma at the bank because she would take so much time. She didn't rush them through, especially older folks. Therefore, I do try to, when I'm out running with my dog, I stop and talk to people and never hesitate to spend a few minutes chatting it up with somebody because we really need to chat it up with everyone, not just our friends.
Brian Lehrer: That is cool.
Cindy: She did have two-
Brian Lehrer: That is becoming a thing.
Cindy: -jokes.
Brian Lehrer: Go ahead. Jokes. Go ahead. Yes.
Cindy: Well, that's a mom for you. That's a mom for you who's just-- I think it's in a mom's nature to be that way, taking care of her own children and taking care of other people and other people's children, even just with kind words. Two jokes that all of my children and everybody knew that these were Mimi jokes, if you said, "Oh, I have a dentist appointment," and somebody said, "What time is it?" you would say, "2:30." It's time to go to the dentist. It was 2:30.
Brian Lehrer: You had another one?
Cindy: The other joke was, how do you fix a broken tomato?
Brian Lehrer: How?
Cindy: Tomato paste.
Brian Lehrer: [laughs] Cindy, thank you very much. That was a wonderful tribute to your mom, by the way, so Happy Mother's Day. Liz in Saugerties is up next. Liz, you're on WNYC. Hi.
Liz: Hi, Brian. I moved up to Saugerties from Bay Ridge and I live with my husband now. I find myself following him around the house like, "Do you need help looking for something? What can I find for you?" I realize when I go back to Bay Ridge, my mom is doing the same thing to me and it's kind of irritating.
Brian Lehrer: When does it happen? What kind of circumstances?
Liz: If I'm looking in the refrigerator for some food, [chuckles] like in the cabinets for a snack [crosstalk].
Brian Lehrer: She's got to come over and say, "What are you looking for? What are you having?" Like that?
Liz: I'm doing that at home now. [laughs] One more thing, this is for my mom and my mormor, which is my grandmother in Swedish, it's called the Johansen Way. We have to sit down, have a cocktail before we eat anything.
Brian Lehrer: There you go.
Liz: I find I'm doing that at home in Saugerties.
Brian Lehrer: Liz, thank you. Thank you very much. Richard in Westchester, you're on WNYC. Hi, Richard.
Richard: Hello, Brian. I grew up in Bay Ridge too. My mother had not a whole lot of formal education, but she was pretty smart. She stayed alert on what was going on. She was a very good musician. Anyway, she had some responses that I find myself admiring more and more as time goes on. Looking for something, "Ma, where is it?" and she'd say, "If you open your eyes before you open your mouth," which I always thought was a good line.
Then with regard to responding to the way other people live their lives, a lot of people would get all excited over that, whether an Italian relative did not marry an Italian, her bottom-line comment was always, "As long as they're happy." I find myself thinking that that's the right way to respond, whether the issue is marriage rights or other forms of [crosstalk].
Brian Lehrer: You've got your mom's voice in your head in those situations.
Richard: That's right.
Brian Lehrer: Very nice, Richard. You know for some reason, it could be random. We only have 10 lines, so it's a small sample, but you are the only male who called up in this whole segment so far to talk about turning into your mom. It's a nice tribute. I'm glad to hear from you. Sarah on the Upper West Side, you're on WNYC. Hi, Sarah.
Sarah: Hi, can you hear me?
Brian Lehrer: I can.
Sarah: Oh, my God. Long time, first time. This is so exciting. I realized I was becoming my mother when I started taking Sweet'N Low packets from places where they hand them out just so that if there was an emergency and I didn't have the exact sweetener I needed that I would have an emergency stash in my bag. [chuckles]
Brian Lehrer: Is that stealing? Did you ever have that conversation with your mother?
Sarah: We never had that conversation. Of course, it's not stealing. It's sitting out there for all to take. Come on.
Brian Lehrer: Yes. The Sweet'N Low packets. Any mom jokes?
Sarah: No mom jokes. My dad is the jokester in the house, so I could offer you plenty of those, but no mom jokes.
Brian Lehrer: Sarah, thank you very much. One more, I think we can get in. Barbara in Jersey City, you're on WNYC. Hi, Barbara.
Barbara: Hi, Brian. Long time, first time. I grew up in Midwest. My parents were divorced for many, many years, and my dad used to [unintelligible 00:11:50] on the West Coast. I met him one time, and he'd been on the plane with a couple that had known the family for years. As the guys went to get the car, the woman kept looking at me asking my name, and I kept telling her. Finally, she said, "Oh my gosh, you're his daughter." I said, "Yes." She said, "I thought he went out and married somebody who looked just like your mother."
Brian Lehrer: [chuckles] Oh, okay.
Barbara: Everybody said that. I look just like my mother, so I was like, "Okay."
Brian Lehrer: It wasn't something you did. It was the way you looked.
Barbara: Yes. My mother used to call me her clone. I used to hate it until I grew up, and now I cherish it.
Brian Lehrer: Thank you very much. Now I cherish it are going to be the last words in this segment. Thank you for all those wonderful calls. We had some funny ones. "Oh, God, I [unintelligible 00:12:46] my mother when I started doing this," but so many sweet ones, so many people who like the fact that you turned into your mother because you liked what your mother seems to have left you with. Thank you for those wonderful calls.
That's The Brian Lehrer Show for today, produced by Mary Croke, Lisa Allison, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond, and Esperanza Rosenbaum. Zach Gottehrer-Cohen produces our Daily Politics podcast. Our intern is Brianna Brady. Megan Ryan is the head of live radio. We had Juliana Fonda and Miyan Levenson at the audio controls. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, and stay tuned for Alison next. I'm Brian Lehrer.
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