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Brian Lehrer: It's the Brian Lehrer show on WNYC. Good morning again, everyone. This hour we'll do a two-part call in on how pandemic limitations have changed your lifestyle, one for the worst and one for the better. That's for the audio time capsule we're putting together to be listened back to in the year 2030. Then, we'll be granted 10 minutes with two astronauts on the international space station. We've never had a Brian Lehrer Show to space conversation before we're going to have one at the end of this hour as we go live to space.

Keep tweeting your ask an astronaut questions @BrianLehrer and we'll see if we can get a few in, in the time they're giving us. I want to know what that planetary convergence might've looked like from up there last night and we'll take it from there. I want to know what they think the point is of having a space program. How much is it to satisfy our curiosity about a universe that is so much bigger than just earth and how much is it for more concrete practical goals, but that's later in the hour. Right now not the space capsule but at the time capsule.

Call-in number one to be listened back to in the year 2030 when hopefully this will be consigned to a dark chapter in American history. What's been the hardest part of the COVID lifestyle for you to adjust to? 646-435-7280. Call in and tell people living in the year 2030. What's been the hardest part of the COVID lifestyle for you to adapt to? 646-435-7280. I can imagine this being different for different groups of people. For example, by age, if you're in your 20s what's been the hardest part of the COVID lifestyle to adjust to?

Maybe it's very different. If you're, let's say, in your twenties and single than for somebody who's maybe in your 30s and you have young kids or 40s. We want to hear from you too. Certainly, parents with kids at home have had so many special challenges. The world is divided. We say frequently here between people with kids at home and people with not kids at home in COVID land, 646-435-7280. If you're an essential worker and you have to go out delivering packages or working in a drug store or whatever you're doing, what's been the hardest part to adjust to on the job?

Then, when you go home, 646-435-7280. Is it learning every safety precaution for the contacts that you have to have on the job because of your work? What are some specifics of on the job essential worker outside the home adjustments you've had to make that have been the hardest for you and then going home to isolation? How weird is it to go from having to go out and be among people to not being supposed to go out at all in your free time? 646-435-7280 or anything else that's been the hardest part for you to adjust to as an essential worker, for example.

How are you all with wearing masks? Has that been one of the hardest parts for you? How do you see the psychological aspects? We just heard from Richard Mollett in our last segment about people dying in nursing homes. Yes, many because of COVID per se, some from the isolation he feels the psychological toll of not being able to have their relatives visit them this year. It's a broad ask. I've thrown out some examples of people in different categories who may be finding different things to be this. Later in the hour, we're going to flip the script and ask what's something from COVID time that you hope to take with you into the rest of your life.

For now, what has been the hardest part of your COVID era existence to adjust to? 646-435-7280 our lines are filling up faster you can also tweet a response to that @BrianLehrer and we'll read some of your tweets on the air about the hardest part to adjust to @BrianLehrer or 646-435-7280. We'll take those calls right after this.

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Brian Lehrer on WNYC and for our time capsule project to be listened back to in 2030, what's been the hardest part of COVID lifestyles to adjust to for you? Liz in Brooklyn you're on WNYC. Liz, thanks so much for calling in.

Liz: Hi, thank you.

Brian: What is it for you?

Liz: The hardest thing that many many people share with me is having my child at home and not at school. It's been incredibly challenging and it's just going to be a whole new generation of people who learned on a computer for a year or more. It's been really challenging and hard to watch let alone manage.

Brian: When you watch your 11-year-old-- Go ahead

Liz: I was just going to commend the teachers. My child's teachers at MSA 39 have been doing such an amazing job. That makes a huge difference for them to be so dedicated.

Brian: Is the worst part of this keeping your 11-year-old on track or is it worrying that your 11-year-old is going to come out more addicted to screens than they would have otherwise?

Liz: That's a good question. I think it's so. As the months go on and we also got my kid a great nice computer so that has helped. We had the resources to do that. I don't know. I think those things are a concern or have been challenging. I think the worry maybe Trump's the managing because she's gotten used to doing it. She's pretty good at it and a lot of kids these days love computers. We just have to roll with that.

Brian: Liz, thank you so much. Thank you. Good luck with you and your family. Pat, in Fairfield County you're on WNYC. Hi, Pat.

Pat: Hi Brian. For me, it's been the anxiety. Usually, I'm not an anxious person, but it started when we walked into the supermarket beginning of this and things you usually buy just weren't there and I was trying to find regular chicken soup and all I could get was clam chowder. Then, the schools shut down 41, I got three kids two of them in school, and school shutting down, that's been stressful.

Then, we had a hybrid system which was horrible because five-year-old doesn't want to sit in front of a computer all day. The seven-year-old tells me I don't know what I'm talking about. Then I worry about their health and absolutely screen time is a concern, but anxiety about the unknown where we're going, will this end? What's it going to look like when it does?

Brian: Such global anxiety so many things to attach it to when people who didn't go through this listen back to this in 2030, maybe this is going to be the first time that they hear. "I didn't know if my supermarket shelves were going to be empty and there was going to be a food shortage," which you were expressing at the beginning, as well as all this stuff with kids.

Pat: We were making memes and laughing about it, but the toilet paper thing was nuts.

Brian: I won't ask you what you used. With this anxiety that's going in so many directions. How much of it is asking yourself at every turn? "Is this safe enough?" "Is this too risky?" "Can I go into my supermarket?" "Can I have that worker come into my home to repair something?" "Can I ask the worker go safely into yet another stranger's home even with my protocols?" "Did I stay too long talking to that neighbor who's COVID status I don't know even with our masks?" "Were we 5.5 feet is that okay?" You know what I mean?

Pat: Yes, that is. I'd say it's probably 30% of that. The other is just a general anxiety about when is this going to end? Is it going to get worse? How's this affecting the kids? I didn't realize until I started talking more openly with other people we're all feeling this and that's what this weight is on the heart. It's not depression, it's anxiety.

Brian: Pat, thank you very much. I appreciate it. Call us again. Holly, in Brooklyn you're on WNYC. Hi, Holly.

Holly: Hey, thanks for taking me.

Brian: Sure. What's the worst part for you?

Holly: Oh, gosh. I work in the film industry which is entertainments and cut down and has to re-imagine itself in ways that we didn't really experience. Being one of the small people on a film set, we all have to take on new protocols for how we have to operate and interact with our coworkers and peers. There are some humorous moments of adjusting your N95 mask which I'm required to wear and having your own breath spew over your face. Then there are those dark moments where my job got shut down two days before we finished shooting because to many people contracted COVID and our contact tracing system said it's not safe to work with people anymore.

Brian: Will your films get made and will you want to go home and not make them?

Holly: They rescheduled everything in January. I think it's like a week or so after the first and the individuals that contracted COVID most were young. That's grateful because they're least likely to be susceptible to something that could harm them in more serious ways, but you're not really allowed to understand everything. That's also the scary part. I have to show up to work with 100 people on average, we all wear a mask, we all have face masks, we have hand sanitizer, it's like as diligent as possible.

Brian: The anxiety follows you at every turn?

Holly: Yes, exactly. You just never know when our whole safety pod might slip up and it's no fault of anyone. It's just the nature of the beast.

Brian: Holly, thank you. Good luck out there. Lily, in Nassau County you're on WNYC. Hi, Lily.

Lily: Hi, Brian. It's lily. I'm a longtime listener. My apologies, I'm running into my car so you don't hear the noise. I have a six-year-old and my husband and I we're quarantining together both working from home. One of the things that I'm not sure if being at home for so long, one of the things that I noticed that was coming up was my resentment towards my marriage and how I felt that the majority not only of the parenting but everything that took place in my household, really revolved around me either doing it--

I don't know if it's something that I just came up with in my head because if you were to speak with my husband he might think that he's the one, but I'm pretty sure that 95% of the homework load, the child-rearing, everything else in the household really is my responsibility. I have noticed how just society or maybe the people that I'm around don't question him, but I'm constantly feeling like I'm being questioned everything. That makes the responsibility of having to answer people as well.

I feel I've just internalized everything and just gotten angrier, angrier at allowing myself to get into this situation. I always thought marriage was a partnership, but somehow or another COVID has proven to me that it is not. I can't really complain about it because it's my own doing. I'm just curious to see if anybody else feels this way.

Brian: Wow. I don't know that we're going to have time in this segment which is going to end soon for other people to chime in on exactly that on the air. Listeners help Lilly on Twitter. At least say you're going through the same thing too because I know many of you are and maybe some solutions. Lily, I imagine that this is a thing out there, a gendered thing where with so much more responsibility at home, without homeschooling, so much more is falling on too women in a heterosexual marriage disproportionately.

It's like some of the progress that was made with gender roles has been falling back because people default to these roles in a time of emergency like this. At least, you have a lot of company out there that does it make it better, but have you spoken to your husband directly about it? Can you talk about this--

Lily: We have conversations about it, but again, I feel like in order for me to see change, I have to know exactly what I'm asking for. Even if I were to say something like, "Hey, let's share the household responsibilities, split it down the middle 50/50." It would have to be me spelling out what that 50/50 looks like. At this point and this is someone who I've been married for 15, 16 years. In my head, it's quite obvious what needs to be done. I shouldn't have to spell it out. It almost feels like it's my job to constantly tease out all of these scenarios.

In the back of my mind, I'm like, "How did we get here?" It just really boggles my mind because I feel like I'm married to someone who's smart and understanding. Maybe understanding of my needs, but maybe I'm the person who just doesn't know how to express it in a manner of which it's going to get done. I don't want to be the constant nag because that's where it all stems from. It's like, "You should know."

Brian: You should know it without me having to even say this out loud, never mind say it repeatedly. I don't know if this is a suggestion that's helpful or not, but I was reading in an article in Vox, that I'm going to talk about a little more in the next segment. Some therapists are seeing their practices expanded like practicing from home because it's much easier to have a practice on telemedicine. Maybe if you haven't seen a therapist yet, maybe it's an opportunity to do so, but Lilly I'm also putting this out to our listeners.

Give Lily some advice because she asked you for it. Tweet @BrianLehrer and maybe say advice for Lily sometime in there. Lily, good luck with it all and thank you very much for sharing it. I hope that helped you even just to say those things out loud and maybe clarify for yourself a little bit, though you sound pretty clear and maybe you'll get some help. Thank you. Iman in Brooklyn. You're on WNYC. Hello, Iman.

Iman: Hi, Brian. I think I've called you now for the eighth or ninth time. Thank you for being the comforting voice that I hear every day. I think the hardest change and the hardest thing for me has been the lack of touch. Just not being able to run up and just hug my friends or even just if a friend is not feeling well or showing signs of sadness or depression not being able to hold her hand and squeeze it although I've broken those rules and I have.

Also, I run a gardening program and the kids would always run up to me and hug me. I know it always made me feel great, but now I realize how much I'm missing that. I just wonder about the psychological effects of one, the effect that it has on children to say, "6 feet apart, 6 feet apart." Then, two, I think for the grownups, it's hard because touch is so crucial, it's so important. It makes us happy. It's absolutely necessary and it's feeling lonely right now.

Brian: Are you doing anything in particular to mitigate that feeling that loss of touch the other ways you're feeling loneliness?

Iman: My daughter is 18, I try to hug her more to make up for the other hugs that I'm not getting. She's 18.

Brian: She's like, "Mom, get off of me."

Iman: Yes, exactly. "Stop it." "Stop helicoptering." "Stop hovering." "Stop squeezing." "Could I please do my own thing?" but I also Zoom a lot with my sister. I have seven sisters and three brothers. None of them are in New York. None of them are in New York and I couldn't travel for the holidays. Zoom isn't the same. It's not the same as being hugged by someone you love putting your head on their shoulder and having them just, again, squeeze their hands and look into your eyes in person. It's just not the same.

Brian: Iman, thank you very much. I know that that was probably hard to say, some of that out loud in public. I think so many people can relate to it and you put it so beautifully. When they look back in 2030, hopefully they'll say, "Wow, we couldn't hug our loved ones, but there it is and I know you speak for a lot of people." We are getting a lot of tweets in support of Lily. Lily, I'm just telling you, I'm not going to go down the list and read them all out loud, but you can go to my Twitter feed and you're going to see a lot of people who, besides saying this is happening to them too, have things that they hope will help you.

Hopefully, we've been of some service in that. Another tweet that will finish this part of the call in with. "I think the worst part of this pandemic," a listener writes, "Is adjusting to a loss of faith in those that govern us and were supposed to protect us. I know they've done their best-- Maybe not everybody, but lack of faith in our health system being able to cope with something like this has caused distress." Writes that one listener.

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Brian: Thank you for your calls on what's been the hardest part. Now we're going to flip the script. Listeners who've been hanging on to add more stories of the hardest part. Let your lines go because now we're going to flip the script for the next few minutes before the astronauts come on at 11:50, we've been taking calls on the hardest part of the COVID year lifestyles. Now we flip the script and ask, can you name one COVID year lifestyle change that you hope to make permanent, even when you don't have to anymore 646-435-7280.

Got it. Is it something about food? Is it something about relationships? Is it something about caution? I heard Fauci say, maybe we should stop shaking hands forever. Is it something like that that you'll make permanent? Is it something about appreciating what you have and living in the moment?

Can you name one COVID era lifestyle change that you hope to make permanent, even when you don't have to anymore? 646-435-7280. That article on Vox, I referred to a minute ago that came out back in June was a survey that the writer Sigal Samuel took of Vox readers. The article was called quarantine has changed us and it's not all bad. Here are eight new habits people want to keep post-lock down. Opening this article, which I printed out.

Number one was reducing consumerism. It says, "This was by far the most popular response. Many told me they want to spend less money shopping for new material goods, like gadgets and clothes. A long period of being shut in and not spending as much has led to the realization that so much of our consumer behavior is about instant gratification, not lasting happiness." Related was there number two, slowing down and putting less pressure on ourselves.

Then, I'm going to skip all the way to there number eight, just to give you a few examples. Last one was working from home if possible. It says, "It's a privilege." The writer acknowledges that it's a privilege to be able to work from home. A lot of people can't, but now that they do, "The myth that remote work isn't as practical as a nine to five office job has been proven to be just that a myth. Some are finding that working from home actually offers unique benefits."

That's the one that quoted the psychologist saying she likes her telehealth practice. There you go, what's one thing from COVID that you'll want to take with you and you don't have to do like this anymore? 646-435-7280, or tweet those @BrianLehrer and we'll take those calls and tweets right after this.

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Brian Lehrer on WNYC. As a reminder, yes, we're going to have two astronauts live from the International Space Station coming up in about 11 minutes. Until then we're going to get your takes on things that you've had to do because of COVID lifestyles that you now think, "Maybe I'll take this with me into the rest of my life even when I don't have to do it." Lydia in Warren County are on WNYC. Hi, Lydia. Thanks for calling in.

Lydia: Hi, Brian. Thank you for taking my call. I think the biggest thing for me is I was never a good cook or never even an accomplished cook. I really started to open up cookbooks, some that my mother had given me and I started to cook really for the first time in many, many years. My children are now out of the house and I was getting very dependent, my husband and I, just running to some takeout store or going to the restaurant. I've rediscovered cooking and baking and I think I'm going to stay with that. I think it makes my husband a little happier too.

Brian: Good one, Lydia. Thank you very much. Mercedes in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Mercedes.

Mercedes: Hi there. I was a pre-school teacher and a babysitter, but once there was the shutdown, the school closed and I became a live in for the family that I just babysat for occasionally. We have dinners every night together as a family, which didn't happen before. The girls are very, very happy that they get to sit at the table with their parents every single day. It's just a lot healthier and this fast speed, New York City lifestyle, where we're shuffling the children to different activities after school just doesn't exist. It's pretty peaceful and we really love it.

Brian: Slowing down. Mercedes, thank you very much. Rachel in Ringwood, you're on WNYC. Hi, Rachel.

Rachel: Hi. There have been a few amazing things that have come out of COVID for me. I have really taken a look at my life and being in my late thirties and single, it's been troubling to date and similar to one of the earlier callers saying missing that touch, I've been getting regular massages and it has fulfilled that that need for human connection and touch. So that's really brought a lot of de-stressing and self-care into my life.

That's been really wonderful, but also working from home and being near to my dogs on a daily basis, similar to the article that you shared earlier, it's made me realize that maybe I don't want to continue commuting into the city every day and taking a look at how I can spend more time at home and have that work-life balance that was missing from commuting every day. I'm really grateful.

Brian: On the massages, are you getting professional massages? A lot of that had to shut down because of COVID being in the same breathing space as somebody that close or how are you doing that?

Rachel: It is a professional massage place and they take all the precautions. We both wear masks. It's well ventilated. When they reopened in New Jersey in I guess around August, I started going on a bi-weekly basis. It feels like it's been a safe practice that takes the proper precaution. It's something that I feel comfortable doing.

Brian: Rachel, thank you so much. Sarah, in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Sarah.

Sarah: Brian, [inaudible 00:28:53] love your show. My friend, Tim Mellema, listens all the time. I'm not late for anything anymore because of COVID because it's all online.

Brian: Isn't that interesting. I've noticed that Zoom meetings tend to start a lot more promptly than in-person meetings in the office. Have you noticed that?

Sarah: It's surprising aren't even late to Zoom meetings. It's crazy. I [inaudible 00:29:23] here and I'll have like two people logged on at the start of the meeting and then five minutes later, there's like 20 more logged on and I'm like, "Man, this is going to be an issue when we go back." I also I'm going to have a real appreciation for putting on pants that don't have an elastic band when I have to be in places when we go back to normal.

Brian: You're going to appreciate that rather than say to your boss, "Can I wear sweat pants to work? I was perfectly productive in my sweat pants."

Sarah: Even more so, perhaps.

Brian: Sarah, thank you very much. Jonathan in Lodi, you're on WNYC. Hi, Jonathan?

Jonathan: Hi, Brian, nice to be on. I'm a nurse from New Jersey and one skill I have learned this year more than ever is to be flexible. I'm starting to understand I'm not in control of everything. I can't control everything and the ability to work around issues and find creative solutions and just be flexible to the changes that come and go. It helped destress me and it gives me skills that I know I'm going to use later on in life.

Brian: Jonathan, thank you very much. Julie in Manhattan you're on WNYC. Hello.

Julie: Hi, three things I learned how to make pizza and bread and had no idea how to do that before. Second, I go to Trader Joe's last because it's just-- You have to prepare so much and plan it and see when the lines are less and when there's fewer people. The third, the best thing is that I didn't speak to my family across the country that often and now we have regular Zoom meetings and as much as I don't like Zoom, I do like to keep up with everybody more often. I know we're going to continue that after.

Brian: Julie, thank you very much. A lot of people say that one. Didn't know about Zoom, gotten the old college crew together and now we're zooming every couple of months or relatives who were distant. Now we had Thanksgiving with a lot of relatives that couldn't have been there in person in our old fashioned Thanksgiving, but now they can Zoom in from France, from Mississippi, from wherever they are. That one comes up a lot. Suzanne in Maplewood, you're on WNYC. Hi, Suzanne.

Suzanne: Hi, good morning. I'm a teacher, I'm a mom of three adult children and single. I started to really take the time to make sure to reach out to my family and my friends and not just email or Zoom, but actually writing letters, like physically taking out a piece of stationary and writing. I'm also a teacher and I wrote a lot of college recommendations. Over the summer we did Zoom meetings, so that I could still have that personal contact and what I've done even with my students is continue the conversation and they're now telling me their early admission, getting into the schools of their choice and I'm taking the time to really write back to them. I don't want to lose that. I really want to keep that up, that communication.

Brian: Nice one Suzanne. Thank you. Last one, Maria in Jersey city. Hi, Maria.

Maria: Good morning. I'm you're your greatest fan ever. You asked about what I can hope to continue to do after COVID. I'm alone and isolated like so many of us, but I started playing bridge online keeping our phones on, so that we can talk to each other while we're playing. I have an iPhone and you can just add as many calls as you'd like. It's almost like sitting across the table from each other. I expect to keep it up. I'll be playing more bridge.

Brian: That's a good one. Although, you could go back to playing bridge in person?

Maria: Oh, yes. That too, of course.

Brian: I'll admit that I have an online Scrabble relationship with somebody and to your point about keeping the phone on while you're playing, that's really cool.

Maria: That's right and adding calls. All four of us have our phones on and can speak to each other. I don't know if all phones allow that, but you can do that on the iPhone. You can just keep adding calls so that we're all online at the same time and can talk to each other.

Brian: Maria, thank you so much. That's a good one to end on. Thanks to all of you for those things that you hope to take with you out of COVID land back into the regular world. When the time comes, they are headed for our time capsule to be reheard in the year 2030.

 

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