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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. For this membership drive week, in addition to the news and issues conversations we have every day, we're doing a few special series, including one we will launch right now with Washington Post personal finance columnist, Michelle Singletary, who has a great series on The Post webpage called Michelle Singletary's money milestones for every age. She goes decade by decade, and we're going to go there with her. Today, it's Money Milestones for People in Your 20s, whether it's you for yourself, or maybe if you have adult children in their 20s. Tomorrow, we'll do the 30s and on up from there.

As you know, we've been doing a lot of generation-based programming, giving voice to people from all age groups on the show this year. If you are in your 20s or know anybody and care about them, who is, call up with your financial advice questions for people in their 20s, 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692, or tweet @BrianLehrer. Michelle is also the author of books on personal finance, including her latest, which I think came out last year, called What Do You Do With Your Money When Crisis Hits: A Survival Guide. Michelle, we're delighted that you would share this series with us. We always learn a lot when you come on. Welcome back to WNYC.

Michelle Singletary: Oh, thank you so much for having me.

Brian Lehrer: Again, listeners, you are invited, 212-433-WNYC, for you or pertaining to anyone else in their 20s. Let's start with something very basic. You wrote a column called, Is it time to get a credit card? How do we know when it is?

Michelle Singletary: This is a hard call when you're in your 20s because many people in their 20s are still in college. Again, this is my advice that I practice on my own children. While you're in college, I don't think you need a credit card. You need to practice using cash or using your debit card because it limits your ability to accumulate debt when you do that. As you get closer to graduating, maybe a year out or six months out, you can apply for what's called a secured credit card. That is simply to establish credit. I'm not trying to get you hooked on credit, just to establish it so that you can show lenders that you know how to use credit responsibly. That is about when you should do it. We did this. My husband and I have three, twenty-something year old. The oldest is 27. We started her on her first credit card when she actually was about to graduate from graduate school and doing the same thing with her siblings.

Brian Lehrer: I guess there's a dilemma there for the parents. There's, "We want to help our twenty-something establish credit." On the other hand, "Ooh, the risk of becoming over debt-burdened or becoming dependent on credit. Maybe they should just continue to use their debit cards, which can't break their bank accounts."

Michelle Singletary: That's exactly right. The thing about it is, your 20s is when you're formulating who you're going to be financially. You want to be careful about getting hooked on that credit card because they set up at campuses, you can get a credit card and next thing you know-- I've talked to so many in their 20s who have credit card debt of several thousand dollars because it just seems like easy money, and it is until the bill comes due. My husband and I were very intentional with our children about when we introduce them to certain financial products. We wanted them to use cash. They worked during the summer. They saved their money. They used cash. They used their debit card.

Listen, I know that people listening, "Well, what if they want to travel? What if they want to get a hotel room or rent a car?" My oldest, she studied abroad for six months with no credit card, and she traveled across of Europe. There were occasions here and there where she might have needed it, and we just put her as an authorized user on one of our cards, so that she could get a plane ticket or something. For the most part, she spent the majority of her 20s without relying on credit, and she has traveled across the world.

Brian Lehrer: Another column that you have in this category, that is people in their 20s, but that could really apply to people of any age is what should you do before moving in with a partner. That pertains specifically to living together without getting married, right?

Michelle Singletary: That's right. That's the people-- it makes sense to them. You're living in a high-cost area like New York. You're spending a lot of time with each other, and you figure, "Well, why should we both have different places to live? Let's come together." You need to think about that very, very carefully. Cohabitation comes with a whole lot of issues when you're romantically involved. If you're going to do that, and I'm not making a judgment about whether you should or you shouldn't. I'm a parent, so I have a different opinion about my own kids, which we discourage that, but if you decide to do that, you really need to get what's called a cohabitation agreement. You can google it and get a do-it-yourself document.

Really, it would include all the things that you will encounter as a couple living together, sharing expenses, like how are you going to divide the rent or the mortgage, who's going to pay for the food, how do you split that up? What happens when you break up. Who gets the dog? [laughs] You want to lay it out.

A lot of people think "Oh, that's just so unromantic." I'm going to tell you what's unromantic, when you're breaking up and trying to split up stuff and you're fussing. That's unromantic. Lay everything out, how you're going to live, how you're going to share accounts, and I don't believe that you should share accounts. You might have a joint account that you use for the joint household expenses, but you should keep your salary, your savings, everything separate in a cohabitation-type situation so that if unfortunately, there's a split, you've got all your separate stuff that you take with you.

Brian Lehrer: All right, who has a question about finances when you start to co-habit or anything else, pertaining to managing your money when you're in your 20s? 212-433-WNYC. By the way, that's not our pledge line. We're in our membership drive week. We are never going to ask you for money when you call to ask a guest the question on the air. 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692 or tweet @BrianLehrer if you want to. I see, just staying on the cohabitation, that you do recommend having a joint bank account for shared expenses, but agree in advance how much you'll each put in. After all that separation of your finances, and even maybe making a written contract about that, why a joint bank account rather than take it expense by expense?

Michelle Singletary: Well, if you're going to be paying joint expenses, it makes it a little easier than every-- You pay the groceries this week, you pay it that week. You come up with some sort of joint agreement, but you're not going to put a whole bunch of money in that account. You're only going to put in whatever you need for that, how you pay your bills for that month. I don't suggest you get a joint credit card. You absolutely should not do that. Keep your credit because you get your credit history based on your individual credit history.

You don't want to link up with someone who you're not married to when it comes to credit because if you have a joint account and say you split-- This has actually happened.

I've had people wrote to me. They had a joint credit card with someone that they were living with. That person took off, they can't find them, and they've got a $20,000 credit card bill that they have to pay because when you cosign for debt, car, house, credit cards, it's not like it's divided. You are wholly responsible for that debt if the other person doesn't pay. You need to keep that in mind. That's where this hairsplitting comes. Even in some situations, you may want to still just keep all your bank accounts separate. Then, as you say, if you're going to pay, maybe you pay rent this month, and the person pays it next month. Just most importantly, talk about it, lay it out, come to some agreement.

Brian Lehrer: Another column of yours-- Actually, let's take a caller first. Alex in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Alex.

Alex: Hi. Good morning. I'm calling because I thought this was really interesting. I basically have been working since I was 14, basically hustling. I just graduated from college. Now I'm about 23. Over the years, I built a pretty solid savings account, and I've been pretty good with managing my credit. It's been really important for me to build and maintain a solid credit score. The thing is like, my savings are strong, and my spending habits are strong that I'm even able to help out family when they are in emergency situations and rely on me for those pinches. What I've been facing recently is I'm a recent grad and I'm unemployed, so how can I manage my own finances in a tough financial time, while also having others relying on me?

Brian Lehrer: Wow.

Alex: I don't know if [crosstalk].

Brian Lehrer: That's a lot of burden for a 23-year-old.

Michelle Singletary: Yes, Alex. I totally get it. Listen, I'm the first-generation college graduate in my family. I was the one that had the good job and in your case, the good savings account. You feel a lot of responsibility. Alex, let me ask you a quick question. Have you flown in an airplane before?

Alex: Yes, I travel a lot.

Michelle Singletary: You travel. Okay. When you get on and the flight attendant at some point at the beginning asks you, says something to the extent of when the oxygen mask drops down, what are you supposed to do if you're traveling with someone, like a child? What are you supposed to do?

Alex: Just help yourself first and then help the child.

Michelle Singletary: Right. Why do you think that is because as a parent-- You're not a parent, you're kind of young [chuckles], but your instinct is to help the other person because it sounds like that's who you are. Your instinct was to help the other person, correct?

Alex: Yes.

Michelle Singletary: Why would you put your mask on first then?

Alex: Because you can't help anybody if you're not okay.

Michelle Singletary: Bingo. There you go. You can't help other people if you fail financially. At this point, since you don't have a job and you've got to live off those savings until you get some employment, you can't bail them out. You can't be giving other people money right now. Every time you feel that pain of guilt, think about being on that airplane and the oxygen mask drops down. You've got to put it on yourself first because if you're gasping for air, you're both going to pass out. At least if you have your mask on, at some point down the road, if they need some more help, you'll be able to help them.

This is a lesson you've got to learn now in your 20s, and I'm speaking from experience from someone who didn't learn that lesson. I felt so guilty about succeeding that I gave money when I shouldn't have. Here's the other thing, Alex. Sometimes we give money when we shouldn't because that person needs to fall so they learn to get up and take care of themselves. If you get in the way of that, then they never learn to take care of themselves, even if it's a parent or sibling.

Sometimes you do need to pull back and let them become financially responsible. It's called enabling. You've probably heard that term before. You don't want to enable other people's fiscal irresponsibility. Alex, right now, I just need you to take care of yourself and put your own oxygen mask on financially.

Brian Lehrer: Alex, I hope that's helpful. Thank you so much for calling in. Monique in Terrytown, you're on WNYC with Michelle Singletary. Hi, Monique.

Monique: Hi. I just love the way you're parenting. I just wanted to say that sometimes children don't listen to you, and the importance as parents to practice tough love. I am the mom who wants to just write the check and always makes excuses, but my husband was like, "Our daughter will not understand money until she feels it." When she went over her limits and she had to default, she got into financial trouble and she had to feel having higher interest rates when she went for a car loan. That's when she really learned.

Now she's in her 30s, she's a mom, she's got two kids, and she is the most fiscally responsible person you can meet. Tough love in the finances, to all parents. It's not love to enable your children. It's really important for them to understand it, and sometimes the only way they understand it is by feeling it.

Brian Lehrer: Monique, thank you. That is tough, Michelle, right, to let you go kid default?

Michelle Singletary: Yes, it's very tough, and there is a line that you walk. We watched our kids, how they handle money. Sometimes, we rescue them because sometimes you don't want it to go so far that it be damaging to them. What I'm saying is I love what she said, but there are some cases where you might say, "Okay, I'm going to help you so that you don't have to pay 20% when you go get a car loan." Just understand that there are some rules that come along with that, particularly for minorities, I have to say. I'm just going to be candid with you all because I love this format. We are coming from behind, financially, because of all kinds of things that happen, systemic racism, and so forth.

I've got a Black son, I've got Black daughters. There are some things that I didn't let them fall because when they fall, it's going to be much harder coming from a background where we didn't have family wealth. Monique is right in the sense of the little things that you just say no to. My oldest wanted one of those fancy jackets that cost a whole bunch of money, North Face or whatever. I was like, "Uh-uh, girl, we're going to Target or Walmart." She pitched a fit and I said, "Well, what if I bought you this less expensive jacket and faced you north?" [laughter]

You know what, she saved her own money to buy that jacket. When it came time to buy that, she almost didn't buy it because she made the assessment that it took her all summer to save up the money to get that jacket. She was like, "Is it worth it?" and that's what Monique is talking about. You just use discernment as a parent about when to step in, but for the most part, a lot of times you shouldn't step in.

Brian Lehrer: Before we run out of time, let me touch one more of your columns in the service of people in their 20s, and that's the one about what to do about health insurance when you turn 26, which is the age when you can't be on your parent's plan anymore. I guess the answer depends on your employment status. If you're at a job that offers health insurance, maybe it's not that tough a call, but is it ever better to go to the Obamacare market rather than go on an employer's plan?

Michelle Singletary: If you're under 26, you can stay on your parents. In fact, we've got a 22-year-old who has a full-time job, she's a teacher, and we told her, don't sign up for her company, her school insurance, because we still carry her, we still need a family plan. We're carrying that cost so that she can save some money. If you find that you are aging out, and I know young adults, it's so expensive. You're thinking, "I'm healthy," but you want to keep health insurance because if you have a health emergency, it could bankrupt you.

Definitely try out the health insurance marketplace. You go to healthcare.gov and you compare plans and costs, and depending on your income, the monthly amount may be very low and very affordable. Before you go without health insurance, go to the marketplace and see if you qualify for the subsidies to bring the amount down. You want to carry coverage if you can.

Brian Lehrer: Michelle Singletary's Money Milestones for Every Age is on the Washington Post web page. She goes decade by decade, and we're going there with her. Today, it was Money Milestones for People in Your 20s. Tomorrow, it's going to be for People in Your 30s. Michelle, I could tell from the response, people have really appreciated this advice so far, so talk to you again tomorrow, and thank you. Thank you.

Michelle Singletary: Oh, looking forward to the conversation. Thank you.

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