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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. To end the show today just for our last 10 minutes because we did go long with Patricia Cruz and Carl Hancock Rux. To end the show, we're going to ask a 10-minute parenting question for you on the phones. Here's the question. When is the child old enough to be led out on their own and to ride the subways if you're in New York City, on their own? When did you let your child start leaving the house on their own, walking themselves to school, or riding the subway and how did you know that they were ready to be handed that responsibility? As I know all parents see it that risk. 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. I'll add one more layer here.
Just call right up, you'll get right on because we only have a few minutes. When were you first allowed to go out and ride the subways on your own? Was it the same age for your kid or was it older or younger if you both grew up in the city? 212-433-WNYC. When did you start riding the subways alone and when did you start letting your kids? 212-433-9692.
What sparked this call-in idea was a story on the website Curved yesterday about the Manhattan parents who won't let their teens outside alone. That was the headline. While picking up her kindergartner and third grader from school on the Upper East Side, the article's author Julie Edelstein noticed that older kids, sixth, seventh, and eighth graders were getting picked up by their caregivers or hopping into Ubers.
Edelstein speaks with a few Upper East Side parents who say crime and COVID as reasons to exercise this type of caution. Some simply developed routines during the most anxious seasons of the pandemic, amid fears over rising crime and the germs that they haven't dropped yet. She writes the disruptions of the pandemic have served as an extended rationalization for parents to hover, a chance to own their worrying instead of hiding it. When was it for you, for yourself? When is it for your kids and what do you think about that take? The writer is obviously shocked that teenagers are not being allowed to commute home alone. 212-433-WNYC or tweet @BrianLehrer.
We'll take what calls we can right after this.
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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Right to your calls on at what age or letting your kids at least commute to school on their own. Kelly in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hey, Kelly.
Kelly: Oh, hi, Brian. Thanks so much for taking my call. I'm telling you, I live in Brooklyn. I have two boys. This school year we started letting our 11-year-old commute on his own to his school. It's probably not that rare. A lot of parents I've found do at this age. What's helpful is he has a personality that we felt he could handle it and two, he has a phone but it's not an iPhone. There are other phones out there. We didn't look into the iPhone quite yet. He just have a phone where you can call, text, we can see where he is. [inaudible 00:03:50]
Brian Lehrer: That makes you feel safe. That's I think a tension for a lot of parents is, do I want my kid to run around with a phone and more screen temptation all the time? On the other hand, it's a safety device, right?
Kelly: Yes, it is but this particular phone doesn't have a browser. [unintelligible 00:04:11] a tool phone, that was part of the deal.
Brian Lehrer: Interesting.
Kelly: We just practiced with him taking the bus. Luckily his school is a one-long bus ride door-to-door from our apartment and the subway is two stops. It's still in the same borough, it's still in the same area, that made it better. I don't know--
Brian Lehrer: Got it. If it was a further commute, more complicated commute, I got you, Kelly. Thank you very much. Who has an 11-year-old, Kelly there? Jennifer in Woodside who has a 14-year-old. Jennifer, you're on WNYC. Thanks for calling.
Jennifer: Hi, I was just telling your screener that we still don't allow my son to ride around the subways on his own. He wishes he can go to school on his own. Because my husband was raised in Manhattan, I come from the suburbs in New Jersey, we default to him and he knows the beast, the nature of the beast that is in New York City. No matter what, you think that a boy at his age traveling by himself is a target for others to potentially attack. It's not that we don't trust my son, there's still too many elements out there, unpredictable elements that where--
Brian Lehrer: The writer of the New York Magazine article would apparently consider you too indebted to your fears for a 14-year-old to not be allowed. What would you say about that?
Jennifer: We'd rather on the side of safety. My son disagrees as well. We say, "Yes, we trust you but there are too many elements out there." In a couple of years, we'll probably feel a little more comfortable. We'd also like him to have a group of friends that he's on the subway with, not by himself.
Brian Lehrer: Jennifer, thank you. Hannah in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Hannah.
Hannah: Hi, thank you for my call. I'm calling because, for me, it wasn't a matter of when I was ready to have my kids ride the subway. It was a matter of that I'm a single mom and it was out of necessity because I had to get to work and they had to get to school. I have two boys, one is 9, and one was 10 at the time. My parents were born and raised here and they started doing it when they were really young. They feel that so many people wait till kids are way too old to ride the subway now. The times have changed.
Brian Lehrer: Do you think that the situation has changed or just parents have changed?
Hannah: I think parents have changed. I think the mother who was calling before was right, you know your own kid, you know their personality. I have my older son, Isaac is-- I don't know, he could probably get you to fly all the way to Paris and back. You know what I mean? Just by researching it on Google himself. The younger one, not so much. You have to trust your own children and their instincts. Some kids have special needs, certainly can't go on their own so you have to know your individual children. My situation was out of necessity. I wasn't comfortable with it. Again, with more devices and tracking things, I felt a tad bit more comfortable. You just let it go and hope for the best.
Brian Lehrer: Deal with your anxiety. [laughs] Hannah-
Hannah: Exactly.
Brian Lehrer: -thank you very much. Listener tweets, my teen daughter didn't want to take the subway alone so I did not force her. She only rode with another friend or adult throughout high school or took the bus which she felt safer riding, she just started solo trips at age 17. Everybody's different. Last one, let's see. How about-sorry, who are we waiting for here? Nitin in Jackson Heights. You're going to get our last 30 seconds. Nitin, you're on the air, hello.
Nitin: Hi, how's it going? My daughter is 11 and she just started middle school on the Upper East Side and takes the subway from Jackson Heights, Queens. She buddies up with her friend. They're both 11 and they have to switch, they have to take two trains actually to get to the Upper East Side from Queens. We did it with them for a couple of weeks. Now they've been doing it on their own since after that first couple of weeks.
Brian Lehrer: Who's more nervous, them or you?
Nitin: Well, I drop them at the station in Jackson Heights every morning and I always cross my heart.
Brian Lehrer: Yes. The place of parents in this world that no matter what age your kids are. Thanks for all your calls. Brian Lehrer on WNYC.
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