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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC and it's official. We're exactly one week out from Thanksgiving. Last week, we took your calls if you're traveling for the holiday and questions on how to do that safely if you have to do it or telling your relatives, "No, I can't this year." As cases rise, I think more and more people are making the decision to sit Thanksgiving gatherings out this year or seriously downsize, which just immediate family members.

Today, we want to honor those of you who will be alone this year cooking for one or maybe just a few more and answer your questions on how to spend the day and how to cook for it. It's another round of Thanksgiving advice calls on The Brian Lehrer Show, this time, for all the lone wolves, lonely hearts, and tables for two or three. How are you spending your Thanksgiving if it's just you or your household and what kind of advice would you like?

With me now are two expert guests. A food advice expert and an emotional advice expert. We'll introduce them in a minute, but you can call in with your questions and your stories. How are you preparing for a small or solo Thanksgiving or no Thanksgiving this year emotionally and culinarily? What questions do you have? Go ahead and ask for advice if you need any, 646-435-7280, 646-435-7280.

If it's just you and your spouse, say, or just you alone, what will you be cooking? Will you still be making turkey if you're a turkey eater or are you going to reject the holiday altogether and, I don't know, order Chinese? What's on your Thanksgiving menu this year if it's a smaller crowd than usual and you have a question about downsizing? What dishes to ax and what dishes to keep? 646-435-7280.

From an emotional standpoint, how are you thinking about this upcoming day? Will you be Zooming with your family like AOC has said publicly that she's doing? How are you feeling about sitting this one out to the extent that you are? Are you feeling sad, anxious, or maybe you feel proud like you're making a necessary sacrifice or what's the big deal anyway? It's just another Thursday. 646-435-7280, 646-435-7280.

With me now to discuss how to prepare for a small or solo Thanksgiving, our food columnist for The New York Times, Melissa Clark. She recently wrote about how to downsize your Thanksgiving menu. Anna Goldfarb, reporter for The Times and author of the book, Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through: The Story of One Tall Girl's Impulsive, Ill-Conceived, and Borderline Irresponsible Life Decisions. Her latest advice piece was called Solo on the Holiday? Reach Out. Welcome to both of you. Hi, Anna. Hi, Melissa.

Anna Goldfarb: Hi, thanks for having me.

Brian: Both of your articles are really about adapting from what you're cooking to the amount of-- number of dishes that you're making to creating new rituals. What are some examples of plans we can make that feel special? I imagine the prospect can feel daunting.

Anna: Well, right now, the biggest gift we have is time. We have a week to go. The biggest gift you can give yourself is planning something, something you will do. Is it big cookies, watch a movie, do a jigsaw puzzle, play a video game? You need to come up with something. When people ask, "What are you doing for the holiday?" you don't scramble and say, "I don't know. It's just going to be a waste." Give yourself a gift of something to do.

Brian: Melissa, I mentioned AOC, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who says she and her family are going to each make the same recipe and eat it together over teleconference. What's a good Thanksgiving recipe for something like that? Simple, downsized, even maybe just for one but still full of Thanksgiving flavors.

Melissa Clark: Well, I think you want to have turkey on Thanksgiving. I think that's probably the-- well, most people do. That's the main thing, but you don't want to have a whole turkey because even the smallest whole turkey is still going to be 10 pounds, maybe 8 to 10 pounds. Unless you really, really love leftovers, you're better off with turkey parts.

We have a couple of things that I wrote about in The Times, which are really good options for people. First of all, you can get a piece of turkey breast. If you are a white meat lover, a piece of breast is easily available. You don't have to special-order it. You can get it in the supermarket. I really love to wrap it in bacon because when you have a boneless breast, it's very lean.

We have a recipe on NYT Cooking for a bacon-wrapped turkey breast or you could also do a turkey thigh, a couple of thighs. Turkey thighs are just like chicken thighs. If you are comfortable, it's just throwing a couple of chicken thighs in the oven. You have got turkey thighs totally. It's like the perfect recipe for you if you're a dark meat lover. Just season them up with some garlic and some time and throw them in the oven at 375. There'll be done in under an hour.

Brian: Let's take some calls. Mariette in Queens, you're on WNYC. Hi, Mariette?

Mariette: Hello, I am first-time caller, a longtime listener.

Brian: Glad you're on.

Mariette: I just wanted to share. For Thanksgiving Day, I'm actually going to do a solo or a turkey trout with my friends wearing masks in Central Park and then coming back. I'm preparing sides for just my boyfriend and I on Thanksgiving, but there are going to be sides that I could freeze and then reheat since it's just going to be us again on Christmas. For instance, the sides like mashed potatoes and cream spinach that I think will reheat well on Christmas Day.

Brian: The Christmas dinner is leftovers from the Thanksgiving dinner. Melissa Clark, I haven't heard that one before.

Melissa: I haven't either, but that's actually a really good idea. I'd be careful on the mashed potatoes. Those are a little bit harder to scrape.

Mariette: Oh, good to know.

Melissa: You're good with the cream spinach, but the mashed potatoes-- potatoes get a little funky in the freezer. They can be a bit watery. This is my trick for you. Make them on Thanksgiving. If you have anything left over, when you reheat them, add lots and lots of butter because butter is going to fix everything. You also might want to make fresh mashed potatoes on Christmas, but totally up to you. I like that idea. Brian, I think Mariette is saying something really important here for other people for other parts of the meal.

For example, desserts, right? Like maybe you don't want to eat an entire apple pie for Thanksgiving, but apple pie is a pie that freezes really, really well, so does pecan pie. You can take that, make it for Thanksgiving, cut it up into pieces, and put it in the freezer. Frankly, in my house, it wouldn't last until Christmas. I would probably be eating it the next week, but use your freezer as a way to make something full-size and then have it again later.

Brian: Great answer. Mariette, I'm glad you raised that question and told that story. Happy Thanksgiving. I hope it works out for you. Taylor in Philadelphia, you're on WNYC. Hi, Taylor.

Taylor: Hello, Brian, and hello to your guests. I will be spending my Thanksgiving by myself with my two cats here in Philadelphia. I planned to be working during the day and then maybe cooking a small meal at night. My question would be, how can I make something maybe quick but definitely healthy? I'm trying to be more healthy-minded and it's very difficult. I'm putting a lot harder than I thought.

Brian: You are asking the guests who just said butter solves everything, but--

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Taylor: You're right. I do agree with that, but I'm trying to turn the way I'm thinking.

Brian: Exactly. Melissa, what can you tell Taylor?

Melissa: Okay. Well, traditional Thanksgiving meals are a carb-fest, right? That's why we love them because it's the one time a year we can just keep our plates full of mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and stuffing at the same time. I think my advice to you is maybe pick one carb that's a little bit richer like pick either the stuffing or the mashed potatoes or the sweet potatoes with the marshmallow.

Whatever your favorite is, pick that one and just make that, and then the rest of the meal can be really healthy. Vegetables like Brussels sprouts or green beans, roasted squash, those are all great Thanksgiving side dishes and there's nothing wrong with turkey. I was talking about doing turkey breast before. For one person, what's great? Turkey cutlets. Get some turkey cutlets.

Throw them in a pan with, again, some garlic, some time, some olive oil, and just sauté them at a ton of lemon at the end and then serve them with cranberry sauce. It's so simple. It will take you 10 minutes. You've got your little bit of either stuffing or mashed potatoes like one thing to really make you happy and really make you feel like it's Thanksgiving, and then maybe a lot of vegetables to fill out the plate.

Brian: Taylor, I hope that's helpful. Thank you for calling. Happy Thanksgiving. Jennifer in Manhattan, you're on WNYC. Hi, Jennifer.

Jennifer: Oh, hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. While it does feel a little sadder than normal of this Thanksgiving and I'm especially sad for people who are suffering a lot with all the health ramifications of COVID, I plan to spend Thanksgiving with my elderly mother, who's in a wheelchair. I'm a caregiver for her and it will be just the two of us. I do think it's important to make a small sacrifice for the greater good.

I don't think it's wise because my mother is elderly, but also for my own sake to have other people over. I'll be doing the cooking and I love the suggestion you just mentioned about turkey cutlets with little olive oil and time. I'd probably look into that because I certainly don't need to buy a big turkey for just two of us. It's a little sadder, but we muscle through and hopefully come out at a better point when this is all over.

Brian: Jennifer, thank you so much. Anna Goldfarb, your article talks about this concept of anticipatory grief. Here we are, a week before Thanksgiving, and that caller was talking about sadness. Although she seemed ready to be sad for a greater good, but people already missing their families and anticipating an especially disconnected holiday. What are psychologists saying about this and how can people keep this feeling of anticipatory grief to a minimum leading up to the holiday?

Anna: Well, I think it's completely understandable and natural to feel anticipatory grief about this holiday since it's looking so wildly different than anything we've experienced. I understand the apprehension that a lot of people might be feeling. I would encourage them to stay in the here and now to not be worried too much about how you'll feel the day of like bring your attention back to now, the present, and really just have faith that you'll get through it. It may not be as bad as you fear.

I know a lot of people have had celebrations and holidays throughout these past few months of all these restrictions. It's actually been a different kind of celebration. In some ways, more poignant because you are just spending your attention on the people closest to you. It might be different than she's fearing. The day she might actually have a lot of peace and calm when she's having dinner with her mom that she may not be expecting. Again, just focus on the here and now, what you can control.

We can't control so much about this pandemic, but you can control a lot of things too and that's where the planning comes in. Like even talking about what she'll cook and what she'll just-- There's a lot you can control. Figure out what those things are. One good thing is to make a gratitude list. Gratitude is a great antidote to sadness and grief. Make an itemized list if you need to of what you're thankful for, what you have that a lot of other people don't, and just really try to concentrate on the here and now.

Brian: If you're just joining us, listeners, we're getting emotional and food advice for your solo or very downsized Thanksgiving in the year of COVID-19 from Anna Goldfarb, who was just talking, a reporter for The New York Times and author of the book, Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through: The Story of One Tall Girl's Impulsive, Ill-Conceived, and Borderline Irresponsible Life Decisions. Despite that, she gives out advice. Melissa Clark, who is the food columnist for The New York Times and recently wrote about small or solo Thanksgiving tables. Michelle in Manhattan, you're on WNYC. Hi, Michelle.

Michelle: Hi, how are you? Thanks for having me. My question is my plan just suddenly changed because a friend was exposed to COVID. Now, I'm canceling having my guest come over and they were going to actually be bringing some things because my oven doesn't work. I'm wondering what I can do on a barbecue to make a Thanksgiving solo meal that's going to be a little bit festive and make you feel like I'm not like just having another turkey sandwich.

Melissa: That's a great question. Okay, think of a barbecue as a giant outdoor oven. Really, that's what it is. Don't just think about grilling. Think about putting the cover on and basically like creating this little outdoor oven. What I would say to you is barbecue turkey is actually one of the best ways to make a turkey. It has so much flavor. I would stick with either very quick cooking breast meat.

I don't know if you're a white meat person or a dark meat person. If you're going to do white meat, you want to do it quickly. I would recommend doing a nice marinade for a while, either light or dark, and then white meat. I do something probably cutlet, something thin or pieces of breasts. One, two, three, very quick on the grill. Get them seared, keep them juicy. For dark meat, you want to go low and slow.

You want to take those legs and you want to just do indirect heat on your grill. One side has the heat, the other side is off. You brown them and then you put them on the indirect side and you just let them go for a long time. You're just going to let them-- Just think of pulled pork, except you're going to get turkey. It's going to be really delicious with all that smoky flavor.

For your sides, think grilled vegetables if you get yourself-- If you don't have a grill basket, this is the time to buy, invest in a grill basket and you can do your Brussels sprouts right on the grill. You can do your squash right on the grill and just be careful. Toss some olive oil, put them in the grill basket. Do them over the high heat side for quick-cooking things or the low heat side for things that take a long time. Brussels sprouts go on the high heat side. Squash goes on the low heat side. I know I'm giving you a ton of information.

Here's the trick about vegetables. Do a sauce that you-- a vinaigrette, some kind of really tasty vinaigrette. Maybe with maple syrup and cayenne that you add after they come off. As for the stuffing, that's going to be a lot harder. I would probably go for something like maybe grilled potatoes, thinly sliced in a-- You can do those in a grill basket too rather than trying to do a stuffing or you could buy stuffing and reheat it on your grill, which is actually-- If you're a stuffing person, that will work really well.

Brian: That's great. Hopefully, that's helpful, Michelle. Anna, I see that you spoke to a therapist who specializes in healing, codependency, and intergenerational trauma. She advised that people pick out one element of the holiday that's sacred to them to try to preserve even in the smaller, even solo setting. What's an example of that and how we can hold on to it in a year like this?

Anna: Well, something sacred. It's going to vary from person to person. It could be the pumpkin pie, your grandma's recipe for pumpkin pie. Like Thanksgiving would not be Thanksgiving without this pie. It could be the roasted Brussels sprouts. It could be a movie. It could be pop culture. It could be holiday songs that you always listen to or the [unintelligible 00:17:11] something you watch.

It's going to be different from household to household. If you can't imagine Thanksgiving without this element, that's your sacred element. Do it up. Give it the time, attention, and respect that you need to attend to it with. Just make sure it's as perfect as you can get it. Plan ahead to make sure that you're not scrambling for ingredient or something at the last minute because that will just stress you out even more.

Brian: Nick in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Nick.

Nick: Hi, Brian. Big fan, listening to you every morning at work from home. Thanks for taking my call. Very excited. Hi, Melissa and Anna. I need a different kind of advice. I'm going to be having a solo Thanksgiving this year. I'm not going home to Michigan with my family. My friends aren't super comfortable having groups get together, even small ones. I'll have a solo meal, but I think my parents are going to insist that I have a Zoom call during dinner. My biggest concern-- Oh totally. Okay, being alone. My biggest concern is that I've never eaten on a Zoom call and I think it's going to be really gross and awkward. I'm wondering if you have any advice.

Brian: Wow. Anna, have you heard that one before?

Anna: I think lean into it, have fun. If you're really nervous, I would suggest doing a time limit and saying, "Let's talk from 5:30 to 5:45," because I think where a lot of the awkwardness comes in is where people don't know when to end the call. Everyone gets on. They're happy to see each other's faces and then it just stalls out. Really, try to do a beginning and time. You'll know that if it's awkward, if it's like you run out of things to say, if it's too many people talking at once, it'll be over soon.

Brian: Nick, my producer says if you feel awkward eating on Zoom, the mute button is your friend. Anna, I'll give you the last word and related because your article advises people to take social media breaks or consider unplugging on Thanksgiving Day. Why is pulling away important? Wouldn't it be the opposite on a holiday when the big problem is that you're alone?

Anna: Well, I think social media is a great way to stay connected, but it can also make you feel even more isolated if you find yourself comparing your situation to other people's situation. If that's the case and you feel like you are comparing yourself to others and feeling negative about that, absolutely take a step back. You can follow certain accounts if you find yourself especially feeling negative emotions and you can follow decor accounts.

One of my experts in the article suggested following holiday-themed accounts because you're less likely to tell yourself stories about the people in the image if it's just Thanksgiving decor. Really, watch yourself to see if you're telling yourself stories about the people you're seeing in these images because these images are edited. It's not always a clear representation of what someone's life is like.

Brian: Yes, don't judge yourself-

Anna: If that's the case, go for it.

Brian: - in comparison to that. We have to leave it there because we are out of time. Anna Goldfarb, whose book is Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through, and she's a reporter for The New York Times. Melissa Clark, food columnist for The New York Times who wrote about downsizing your Thanksgiving menu and how to make it good. Anyway, thank you both so much. This was so great.

Melissa: Thanks, Brian.

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