Meeting People to Date IRL

Title: Meeting People to Date IRL

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Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. For something completely different for our 10 last or 12 minutes, we're going to invite your calls on how you've met people to date other than dating apps in recent years. Let's say anytime in the last five years, you have to have been out there doing this. How have you met people to date other than the dating apps? Especially if you tried the dating apps and you gave up. We know, according to a Pew Research study, that about 30% of adults in the United States say they've used a dating app. That's a lot.

This is even more common among the younger generations. Half of participants under 30 have turned to one of the popular apps like Hinge or Bumble, as have 37% of those ages 30 to 49, and yet there's seemingly an endless supply of think pieces and Reddit threads with the same conclusion, "Dating apps suck." Whether it's swiping endlessly without a match, safety concerns regarding meeting strangers from the internet, or just a lack of authentic connection, many young singles are looking for ways to date offline. If this sounds like you, that's our question. Have you quit the dating apps cold turkey in search of love offline?

If you grew up with the internet and experienced much of your social life online, why is dating online particularly difficult? Of course, for a lot of people isn't. I know people of all ages who have recently met what turned into their spouses on dating apps. For you, for people who are frustrated with the dating apps, we want your story of being frustrated with a dating app and finding a way to meet people in real life. 212-433-WNYC. 212-433-9692. Did you go out to bars? Did you join certain communities that gather socially? Maybe you've dated a few people you met in person through a running club or an activist organization.

Especially if you're Gen-Z or Millennial, how much of your dating experience has been through apps? Why did you delete your profile, if you did? Have you found success in the face-to-face, in real life, physical world? 212-433-WNYC. It might help some other people out there who may be getting sick and tired of the apps and thinking, "There just is not a lot of gathering in person these days." Give them some tips. 212-433-WNYC. 212-433-9692. We'll take your calls after this.

[MUSIC- Marden Hill: Hijack]

Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Look at all these stories coming in of people who got frustrated with dating apps and found ways to meet people in real life. We're going to start with Jessica in Manhattan. Jessica, you're on WNYC. Hey, there.

Jessica: Hi. Good morning. How are you?

Brian Lehrer: Good. Tell us your story.

Jessica: I just was done with using apps as well. I found that it was a-- It felt like a mundane task, and having the same conversation again and again. Over the past few years, my girlfriends and I have been going to concerts that at least one of us is a big fan of the music, and we've had a lot of luck meeting people that way.

Brian Lehrer: You talk to people while the music is playing, or just before it's on, or how do you meet people at concerts?

Jessica: Before it's on. In between, usually there's an opener, and then also during the music, as the crowd is having a good atmosphere. I think it's just a pretty social setting, and you get a feel for the people that someone's going to concerts with. You're not just seeing someone one-on-one, but they're getting to meet your friends, and you're getting to see theirs as well.

Brian Lehrer: You know you have at least one performing artist in-- You weren't at that Coldplay concert where there was a very happy couple. I'm kidding. Jessica, thank you.

Jessica: No. Unfortunately not.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you very much. Eve in Weston, you're on WNYC. Hi, Eve.

Eve: Hi, Brian. You are like family. You might not know that I am your family, but you are like family to me. [laughs] I listen to you all the time.

Brian Lehrer: That's sweet.

Eve: I met my husband.

Brian Lehrer: Can you come over and help me take care of the kids? No, I'm kidding. Go ahead.

Eve: Sure. [laughs] I love kids. I was on dating apps, and I had joined the New York City snowboarding group. It was a long time ago back in-- I joined back in 2005, but in 2007, a friend from the meet-up said, "Hey, let's go to this birthday party at a lounge in Williamsburg." We got there, and then we got our beer, and she disappeared. She said, "I'll be right back." I'm standing there by myself, and I'm literally back-to-back to a guy. He turned around, and I turned around, and we started talking, he and his friend, and we had a lot in common, and we got married in 2009. [chuckles]

Brian Lehrer: The connection there was you had snowboarding in common, right?

Eve: No, he did not. No. He lived in Williamsburg. I guess the reason I say that is I'm really big on recommending to people to join groups. Meet-up was a great thing. I don't really know if it is anymore, but it was great. I also was in the screenwriter meet-up, and I met a lot of people there and made some friends there.

Brian Lehrer: I'm going to leave it there, Eve, for time, but thank you very much. Thank you for being a member of the family. A lot of people are calling and saying, "Join a group." Join a group of whatever your interest is, something that you're interested in, and that's going to be a great way to start. Neela in Brooklyn might have a story along those lines. Neela, you're on WNYC. Hello.

Neela: Hey, Brian, how are you?

Brian Lehrer: Good. What you got?

Neela: I met my partner in the Prospect Park Women's Softball League, and we had both been in the league for some years, and we both found each other single. It was a great place to meet someone that's spending their free time doing what I was spending my free time doing. I think that's really great, and it's something that you can always have in common.

Brian Lehrer: Did one of you have to win and one of you have to lose in the softball game to establish the power dynamic in the release? [laughs]

Neela: That's the thing, we're not on the same team. That would never work out. I think if you make a partner on a different team, you have even more friends. That's how I met my partner, Shira.

Brian Lehrer: Thank you very much. Sam in Fort Greene, you're on WNYC. Hi, Sam.

Sam: Hey, Brian. I'm definitely very anti-dating apps at this point. I find them mostly just depressing. I definitely think going out and doing things that you just love is great. Actually, I've met partners also by doing new things or just different things. I met a partner in-- I was taking salsa lessons, and I met her at a weekend class. My last partner, I actually met through a mutual friend. [chuckles] It's kind of a funny story, but he brought me up to his childhood friend's house up in Vermont last year so that we could go see the eclipse. I think it's great if you have things in common. I also, like for me personally, it's really just important that I know that we have chemistry.

I was just wasting time meeting people online, going out for a drink, and knowing within five minutes that we had no chemistry, as opposed to encountering these people in the world, being engaged in life, and being like, "Oh, I really like talking to you. I like being around you. This feels good."

Brian Lehrer: Sam, thank you very much. Listener texts, "Two words for you, Brian, crossword puzzles. Just bring one to a bar, you'll get a crowd, and maybe a partner." Catherine on the Upper West Side, who I think is going to be our last caller, has a particular way to meet people while going shopping. Right, Catherine?

Catherine: Yes, Brian, and otherwise-- thank you so much. I'm thrilled with what Sam said. Along those lines, while I met my guy in '70 at St. Joseph's College for Women because he was a guy coming in to play. Here's what I do on a daily basis because I am a terminal extrovert. Even if you're shy, you're at the market, you're over the flowers, the fruit works very well, and you see somebody, you think, "Hmm." Make eye contact, smile, and say, "What do you think about this? What are you buying today?" Or just, "Hi, how are you doing?"

Brian Lehrer: You started it with the flower section, and then I hear you went on to other sections. There we go. All right. That's all the time we have for your stories of meeting people in real life. Others are saying at a T-Mobile store, another shopping story. A nature walk, a bike path. I don't know how you meet somebody on a bike, but that's the Brian Lehrer Show for today, produced by Mary Croke, Lisa Allison, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond, and Esperanza Rosenbaum. Zach Gottehrer-Cohen produces our daily politics podcast. Juliana Fonda and Milton Ruiz at the audio controls. Thanks for your in real-life meeting-up stories. Stay tuned for Alison.

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