How to Get Invited Back to the Beach House

Title: How to Get Invited Back to the Beach House

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Brian: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. Now that we've been through the future of the economy, the future of policing in DC and maybe New York, the future of war and peace and territorial integrity in Ukraine, let's end for our last 10 minutes on a little bit of a lighter note. You know summer vacation season is starting to wind down, and maybe some of you already have or are about to visit some friends with the time left in the season and stay with them as house guests, or maybe you're the one who's having the house guests over.

To end the show, we're going to open up the phones on this question. If you've been a house guest or if you have hosted house guests, how do you make sure you're a good house guest, or what do you expect of your house guests when they come for some overnights on summer vacation? 212-433-WNYC, call or text, 212-433-9692. It's all probably more common this time of year than at other times, and so if you've been or about to be somebody's house guest for part of your summer vacation, how do you make sure you're a good house guest?

Is there something in particular you bring? Is there something in particular you make sure you don't do while you're over there? If you're the host, we're not asking how do you be a good host. We're asking in this case, what do you expect from your house guests? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. You got invited to a friend's weekend getaway, a family vacation house, or maybe you need a place to sleep in the city if your vacation is here. How do you make sure you're the best guest ever, or at least acceptable, so you get invited back again next summer? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692.

Of course, there are some people who don't want to do this at all. I was watching Marc Maron's latest comedy special, and he says people say, "Oh, you can come and stay over." He says, "No, I'm staying in a hotel." That's the way he's built, and I definitely know other people like that. If you are willing to be a house guest, how do you be a good house guest? Gifts seem like the quickest solution, right? Maybe. What did you bring that the host actually liked? Maybe it needs to be highly specific because you know the person, or multifunctional because you shouldn't assume that you know what they need. 212-433-9692. Maybe the giving comes in the form of chores.

Friend of mine always says when we visit others, "How can I help?" And make sure the people they're repeat, "How can I help?" What do you appreciate from guests if you're the host? If you have hosted friends or family, you get the question. We'll take a break and come back and take your calls and texts at 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. If you're not one of those people who says, "No, thank you, I'm going to stay in a hotel room," how are you a good guest? Or if you're the host, what do you expect of your guests? 212-433-9692.

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Brian: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. All right. We've got about six minutes for how to be a good house guest, or if you're the host, what do you expect of your house guests? Walter in Manhattan, you're on WNYC. Hey, Walter.

Walter: Hi, Brian. When my family comes to visit-- I love to have guests, but what annoys me when a guest comes is not being respectful of my rules and my lifestyle. For example, my adult son will come and say, "Oh, I'd like to make my own breakfast." He just takes over the kitchen, and he's got six different pans on the stove, making some sort of an omelet his way, and he knows that we like to keep things simple. My point is, when you're a guest in someone else's home, you have to be adapting to their lifestyle, and don't bring your habits like an invasion into somebody else's home.

Brian: All right. I'm going to leave it there. We learned from Walter that even your own kids can be considered house guests once they grow up. Beth in West Orange, you're on WNYC. Hi, Beth.

Beth: Hi, Brian. How are you?

Brian: Good. What you got?

Beth: Good. I am not really comfortable being a house guest, and my friends know that. They almost stopped asking because my husband and I just like our own privacy. We'd rather be in a hotel. On the rare occasions that I do go to friends, I bring my own sheets, and I put them over their bedsheets, so then when I leave the next day, I just take the sheets off and the pillowcase, and they don't have any laundry to do. The thought of giving anybody any work because we were house guests, I just don't like to do that. I think it's appreciated for the most part.

Brian: Bring your own sheets. That's one you don't hear very often. Jeffrey in Carroll Gardens, you're on WNYC.

Jeffrey: Hi. I am somebody with a merit with amazing knife-sharpening skills. I'm a member of the Custom Knifemakers Guild. When I go to visit either people at the shore or in the mountains or stuff like that, I bring my stones, and I sharpen all of their kitchen knives. I give them the ability to start cooking, and we usually cook together. I am guaranteed an invite back within six months, because knives get dull.

Brian: Bring your skill, in this case, sharpening knives, and offer to share it. Interesting. O'Brien in East Orange, you're on WNYC. Hi, O'Brien.

O'Brien: Hi, Brian. I think you should treat your home like an Airbnb. You have rules that are formal that people agree to before they come. If they can't agree to those rules, then they stay home.

Brian: Set the rules in advance, okay. Though you never know what rule is going to be broken that you don't think about. Is it make the bed? Is it don't leave the dirty dishes and pots and pans? Because then they'll do something you didn't think about in your rule. At least that's a risk. Let's see. Here are some texts. "Instead of saying, how can I help as a guest, or in general, you could say, I'm going to do X, Y, and Z, unless you'd prefer I do something else specific. It's easier for the host to say yes to." Another listener writes, "One thing I don't appreciate that guests do, don't empty out all the scraps and veggies that you're worried will go bad while you're gone, and leftovers in your fridge, and bring them to mine."

A listener writes, "I always bring a hostess gift, and then I ask what I should do with the bedding. Can I strip the bed? Where do you want the sheets and towels? I empty the trash cans in the room and in the bathroom." Another laundry-related one. "We host at our tiny Rockaway Beach bungalow often, and we love having guests. My rules, please hose sand off your feet outside, this is such a beach one, to keep my drain from getting clogged. I appreciate it when guests bring their own beach towels. We don't have laundry at the house, and I don't want to spend the next day at the laundromat washing a mountain of towels and sheets." Let's see. How about Max in Highland Park, you're on WNYC. Hi, Max.

Max: Hi, Brian. Thanks for having me. I'm a big fan. I just want to say, I think what most people are missing, the most basic thing you can do as a guest, is to spend time with your host. You're not at an Airbnb. If you're there to hang out, hang out. Thanks for having me.

Brian: Thank you. The opposite number could be, but also give them some privacy so they don't have to entertain you 24/7, right?

Max: Exactly, Brian.

Brian: Thank you very much. Do we have time for one more? Chris in Old Lyme, you're on WNYC. Can you do it in 15 seconds?

Chris: I sure can. We have some really good friends, but they moved away from our community about 10 years ago. We only hear from them once a year, and that's when they say, "Hey, we're going to show up in a week and spend four days with you." We love them to death. They're super nice when they get here, but a little too presumptuous, and they should be a little more deferential about our schedule.

Brian: All right. If you know Chris in Old Lyme, and you're those people, he's talking to you. Thanks for your calls, hosts and guests. That's The Brian Lehrer Show for today, produced by Mary Croke, Lisa Allison, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond, and Esperanza Rosenbaum. Zach Gottehrer-Cohen is about to produce our daily politics podcast out of the William D Cohan segment. Megan Ryan is the head of live radio. Juliana Fonda at the audio controls.

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