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Matt Katz: It is The Brian Lehrer Show on WNYC. Welcome back, everybody. I'm Matt Katz, reporter in the WNYC newsroom, filling in for Brian today. Now, we'll take your calls in celebration of Father's Day, but we don't want your stories about the easy parts of fatherhood. It's not hard to love or dote on your kids when they bring home straight A's or hit a home run in Little League, or strike out a batter at an all-star game as my son did yesterday, by the way. Listeners, we want to know about the times when your kids have tested your love, especially in adulthood.
Has your child ever gotten into serious trouble or behaved in a way that deeply disappointed you? How have you been able to support your child through a significant crisis? Our number is 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. Why talk about the hard parts during a time of celebration like Father's Day? There's this one very high-profile father who's going through a bit of a rough time right now, President Joe Biden, and by this point, we all know that his son, Hunter, has just been convicted on three felony charges related to a gun purchase in 2018.
This fact is surely devastating to President Biden, who's not only running for reelection in a race that's looking tighter than ever but also has experienced significant hardships, extraordinary hardships in his family life. His first wife and daughter tragically passed away. His older son, Beau, died young from cancer, and Hunter's public struggle with addiction has led him to this fate.
Looking beyond politics and policy beyond red versus blue, beyond November, President Biden's response to Hunter's conviction, at least from what we can see from a public standpoint, has been pretty profound. There's this image that I saw the other day of father and son embracing one another on the tarmac right after Hunter's conviction, and Joe's eyes are closed.
It looks like a quite tight embrace, and I was really struck by this image. The love is palpable, but he's holding him close despite this obvious personal embarrassment that he's experienced and the political ramifications of what has just happened, but the president's not coddling Hunter either. Here's a few lines from Biden's statement to the press after Hunter's conviction.
President Joe Biden: I'm extremely proud of my son, Hunter. He has overcome an addiction. He's one of the brightest, most decent men I know, and I am satisfied that I'm not going to do anything. I said I'd abide by the jury decision. I will do that, and I will not pardon him.
Matt Katz: Tough love not pardoning his own son but pulling him close during a time of struggle. It's not an easy situation, but it seems admirable and worth celebrating on this Friday before Father's Day. Listeners, can you relate to Joe Biden in this moment? Has your child ever seriously screwed up in a way that's tested your commitment to fatherhood? How do you overcome your disappointment and support your child during the hardest of times, even if you're incredibly angry or disappointed?
What keeps you from turning your back on your son or daughter? How do you balance love and discipline? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. We can also take calls from you adult kids out there. Has there ever been a time when you feared your father would turn his back on you? Were you headed down a dark path or found yourself lost in a parallel struggle and rescued by your father?
Was there a moment where you expected a slap but instead received a warm embrace from your dad? Call or text us at 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692, and we'll take your calls right after this.
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Matt Katz: Welcome back to The Brian Lehrer Show. I'm Matt Katz filling in for Brian, and we're going to go right to the phone lines to talk about Father's Day and how there's moments when you might expect a slap from dad but instead get a warm embrace and what lessons we can glean from all that. Mike from Pennington. Hi, Mike.
Mike: Hi, Matt. Thanks for taking my call, guys.
Matt Katz: Thanks for calling in.
Mike: I'm very great, thank you. I'm very sympathetic with the president. My son got caught up in a sting, ended up having to spend some time, as they say, upstate. Incarcerated during the height of COVID, released, and having to navigate the dysfunctional parole system in New York City. I told the screener, dealing with the Department of Corrections and dealing with parole, it's like dealing with Kafka on steroids.
Matt Katz: Oh, I can imagine. How did you deal with your son during this time? I'm sure you were upset and disappointed.
Mike: Yes, you're upset and disappointed, but what do you do? What you do is you do what you can to support and just-- When he was incarcerated, sending in food packages. They get screened and stuff gets [unintelligible 00:05:53]. Intermittent reinforcement schedule. One month, stuff is accepted, the other month, stuff is confiscated. It is just an incredible thing, and not having experienced anything like this in my extended family, it's how do you navigate this?
There's no other folks out there, some support groups that can really help form an idea of how do you navigate this? How do you navigate this as a person for a loved one?
Matt Katz: Is there one quick piece of advice you can give parents in general about what to do when their kids are in a situation like this?
Mike: Unconditional support.
Matt Katz: Thank you, Mike. Thank you so much for calling in. Jay in Mineola. Hi, Jay.
Jay: Hey, Matt. Can you hear me?
Matt Katz: Yes, I can. Thanks for calling.
Jay: Oh, it's a pleasure to speak to you. I'm a big fan.
Matt Katz: Oh, thanks so much.
Jay: I wanted to tell you about my son who has battled addiction since late high school, and he's in his 30s now. It was really one hell of a rollercoaster and I-- Oops, I'm sorry, but-
Matt Katz: No, it's--
Jay: -he was able to hit his rock bottom, which was very significant. It involved a serious car accident and an arrest for possession, and the best advice we got was, "Go into therapy and do it now." We moved heaven and earth to get him into therapy, and I want to give a shout-out to the Father Ashley Martin Therapy Recovery Institute. They're amazing.
Matt Katz: Is he doing well now?
Jay: He is. He's been free from drugs for about three years. He still battles addiction and he recognizes his demons and he has to work on them. I'd like to say that the two things I came away with as a dad is the need for love, unconditional love, and even more important than that is the need for taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your child.
It's so hard to do that because as your previous caller said, there's no roadmap. We sought professional help, my wife and I, and that saved not only our son but our marriage and everything.
Matt Katz: Wow. Thank you very much, Jay. I'm going to try to get one more caller in. Happy Father's Day to you, and so glad your son is doing well. That's wonderful to hear. Greta in Sleepy Hollow. Hi, Greta.
Greta: Hey, I'm the child addict. Thanks to all those dads for supporting their sons, and I wanted to shout out my dad for supporting me. He moved to Cali when I was 13, so this was all from afar, but we worked really hard to continue to have a good relationship and that wasn't easy. At a certain point when I was 14, I had my own addiction to anorexia, which is a tricky addiction to really pinpoint.
Addiction runs in our side of the family and his brother is an addict. I would talk to him on the phone about just what was going on through my head, and he was like, "You sound like an addict." From that moment on, he really has been a grounding. He's been able to use his experience in a way that's been really educational for me, instead of turning it to emotion and [unintelligible 00:10:12] and making me feel ashamed of my addiction. He's really just been there for me. I've just been able to talk to him about it, and he has been able to relate.
I really wanted to say thanks to my dad and all the dads out there who have to deal with really, really hard situations that you don't really sign up for, I guess, when you decide to have kids, but who stick with it [unintelligible 00:10:35].
Matt Katz: Oh, well, thank you, Greta, for calling. I'm so glad your dad was able to help you through that. Wish him and all the dads out there a happy, happy Father's Day. Really appreciate you calling in. That's beautiful.
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Matt Katz: We have to leave it there today. Thank you so much to our callers and to all the dads and father figures out there. I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day. I have my own quick plug here. If you're interested in exploring issues of identity and fatherhood, give my new podcast, Inconceivable Truth, a listen. I'm Matt Katz, and this is The Brian Lehrer Show. Have a great weekend, and Father's Day, everybody. Thanks so much for listening.
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