Title: Bringing Vacation Joy Back Home

[MUSIC]

Brian Lehrer: Brian Lehrer on WNYC. By the way, one little addendum to the previous segment, which probably could be a segment in itself, listener just wrote, "I felt it was a necessity to get my pre-K student a tracking device because he took the bus and it was so inefficient. When if it was 45 minutes late and I couldn't contact the school, I caved. Sometimes phones are necessary." Maybe if you can't have your student have a smartphone or any kind of a phone, depending on the school's policy, you're going to go for tracking devices? Every solution to a problem sometimes creates another problem or another controversy or a workaround that raises its own questions. How about tracking devices attached to your pre-K students?

To close out the show today, let's say you're back from vacation and you're dreading here in late July going back to the mundane, maybe joyless routine. We're going to talk about finding joy in the everyday, how people are building small habits that make ordinary life feel a little more livable and a little more special, and the hook is when you come back from your summer vacation. Elaine Godfrey wrote in The Atlantic's daily newsletter about the letdown that can follow a great vacation. You've experienced this, right? And her attempt to bring a bit of that vacation feeling into regular life.

She swapped screen time for fiction. There's screen time as a boogeyman again. Screen time for fiction, made herself a nightly mocktail, and picked up a few little things that made her smile. She also asked her colleagues what they do to create small, joyful rituals of their own. We're going to ask you, as well as Elaine Godfrey, who joins us now to talk about what inspired her piece in The Atlantic, their newsletter, and what she's learned from this experiment in everyday joy. She's a staff writer at The Atlantic. Hi, Elaine. Welcome back to WNYC.

Elaine: Hi, Brian. Thanks for having me.

Brian: Listeners, we'll open up the phones right away, though we'll hear Elaine lay some of this out in a little more detail. What are any small routines or rituals that help you feel more grounded, more joyful, or more like yourself in the middle of your ordinary day, and in particular after a vacation, or maybe even just a relaxing weekend? How do you hold on to that feeling once you're back in your normal routine?

Do you have a habit or a ritual or a little indulgence that makes an ordinary day feel better or that incorporates something from the time off? 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. Call or text. Maybe yours will help some other listener out there do the same. Elaine, you start the piece with that moment of coming home from vacation and realizing how quickly the mood shifts. What was that like for you? What made you decide to try doing something about it?

Elaine: I'm sure that your listeners have all experienced this to some extent, whether it's a long weekend or a really long trip or something. Maybe you studied abroad as a college student, and you come back and things just don't feel as good. I had such a relaxing trip, and just no one needed me for anything. I read books, I ate whatever I wanted, I swam. Then coming back, it's just hard. For everyone, you've got to go back to work, you've got things to do, people are trying to reach you.

I just could not shake the feeling of just disappointment, being sad, being like, ugh, like I was looking up real estate. How could I move to Europe? How do I make this a permanent thing for myself? I think what I soon learned was I cannot fully replicate that feeling because that would just be impossible, because I still have a job, I still have obligations. I tried, I think, to be a little less reachable, and I tried to be a little quieter. What I mean by that is at certain periods of the day, I shut my phone off.

I didn't go on social media because, on vacation, I really hadn't checked my email or gone on Twitter or any of that stuff, and it felt so good. There's nothing that forces me to do that all the time now. I tried to cut that out of my life as much as possible and just sit in quiet, not have screens, not have the TV blaring, not even have music necessarily, just read my book, go for a walk without earbuds in, just try to be present a little bit more, as they say, and it really did work for me.

It helped quiet my brain. It helped me appreciate whatever I was doing at the time, walking my dog, drinking a mocktail, which I went for every night. Just trying to savor those moments and be a little bit unreachable. It is sort of treating yourself. I'm sure your listeners have heard that phrase, treat yourself. Why not? [chuckles] Treat yourself a little bit. Try to enjoy your life. We don't have much time, so make it count, make it pleasant, even if you have a lot of stress, as we all do.

Brian: Here's one from a listener. Listener writes, "I set aside one day a week where I go thrift shopping, gets me out of the house, away from my normal." You also reached out to your colleagues for ideas in addition to the ones about yourself that you just stated. What were some of the responses that really stuck with you?

Elaine: I reached out to some colleagues, and I loved hearing from them because it reminded me that we're all on the same page here. We all do have the same post-vacation blues, and everyone does think about this. I had a friend who said she tries to not text. She tries to call her friends as much as possible, even if it's for like a two-minute conversation, and I love that. I want to try doing that. She says about once a day or at least several times a week, she just calls her friends and chats really quickly.

I have another colleague who keeps a little notebook about how all of the plants in his house are growing and progressing, and what kind of light they like, how often they like to be watered, any interesting things. I thought that was sweet. Someone else was telling me that she likes to get up in the morning-- This is my colleague, Annie Lowrey. She likes to get up in the morning and journal about the things that she's thankful for. She calls it praying and gratitude.

She thanks herself and thanks the universe for challenges, for her ability to overcome challenges, for feeling-- She just tries to take a few moments to be grateful. I think that's so beautiful and nice. I think whatever version of that that all of us could do, it would probably be helpful if any of us could do some version of that.

Brian: Gratitude is always a good thing to wallow in intentionally for a little while sometimes, especially when we have troubles and we don't think there's a lot to be grateful for. Let's see. One listener writes, "My Monday night Dungeons & Dragons game [chuckles] is that thing." Another one, "How to enjoy every day feeding birds and watching them up close." Another listener writes, "Painting, crafting, writing, listening to music that soothes me." Mary Beth, online one, has one. You're on WNYC. Hi, Mary Beth.

Mary Beth: Hi, Brian. I like to buy myself flowers. I actually just did that this morning.

Brian: Any kinds of flowers in particular, or you have a routine where you do this on a regular basis?

Mary Beth: I try to do it every Sunday or Monday morning just to start the week off right.

Brian: That's a great love yourself one, isn't it, Elaine?

Elaine: I love that one. Yes, I love that. I do that, too. I try to buy whatever flowers I'm-- If I see flowers that I like, I buy them and I just put them in my house because what else is that vase doing there if not to fill it with something beautiful?

Brian: Another listener writes, "Every July, I follow the Tour de France as much as I can. It replaces most of my news intake. It almost feels like a vacation, all that footage of the French countryside." Ted in Brooklyn, you're on WNYC. Hi, Ted.

Ted: Hi. I had two things to say, which was you could have a beautiful vacation and get into a plane, which is the worst experience in my recent memory, and have it all go out the window. Hopefully, everyone is figuring out how to travel without all the frustration, the delays and everything. It's horrible. What I've learned is that when you go anywhere in the world, the diversity of the food is pretty limited. Every time I come back to New York City, I'm always excited about how so much food from so many different places is always available, pretty inexpensive, and oftentimes better than where you just came from. So the food.

Brian: Good one, Ted. In fact, good, too, from Ted. The first point that he was making, which almost got lost there, Elaine, was, I think, flying these days is generally such a terrible experience, including the food on the plane, that maybe it's a relief by the time you get home, even if you had a great time on the vacation that you flew to.

Elaine: Yes, that is a funny one. As a nervous flyer, I totally see that. I actually have another piece coming out in The Atlantic about that soon. It is really hard to hang on to that feeling, especially if you're coming back from far away, like I was in France. I had to do two flights to get home. They're really long, they're uncomfortable, and I'm trying to shut my eyes and imagine, "I'm at the pool. I'm having my juicy orange melon [chuckles] on my towel, getting a tan." It requires a lot of [chuckles] concentration to try to hang on to that. It's so true. It's such a challenge.

Brian: The other point that he made was maybe he tasted a new food somewhere in the world that he went. Then everything from everywhere is available in New York, which is probably more true than it is untrue. You can find that taste of the place and incorporate it into your life here.

Elaine: I would say in addition to that, I love doing that, going on a trip, coming back. I just went to India a few months ago. When I came back, I couldn't get enough Indian food. I was trying to find the best version to recreate that experience. I totally get what that listener was saying. Another thing I like to do is before I leave the place that I'm traveling or wherever I am, I try to buy something that smells like it or that I can associate with a smell because I think at least for me, smelling a bar of soap made in Provence is just such a good way of conjuring those memories. It makes it easier to bridge that gap when you get back. That's something I always recommend people do is get a perfume, get a soap, get something from that trip.

Brian: We have a text like that. A listener says they like to buy a mug from wherever they are. That reminds them of the trip and brings a smile when they drink something from that mug in their regular life. Hey, here's an interesting call. I think Ev in Westchester is a teacher who weaves something like this into their classrooms. Ev, you're on WNYC. Hi.

Ev: Hi there. Occasionally, a sour child would walk in. They have reason to be sour. Anyway, what we would say is, what can you do to make somebody else happier today? Completely lose their mind off themselves, and I'm watching smiles happen. It happened consistently from kindergarten up to 12th grade.

Brian: Are there patterns of responses? What do people come up with to make other people happy?

Ev: Some of them would help with their homework, give them part of my lunch, depends on what kind of school or grade you're in. Some of them was, "I guess, I'll ask her out to the prom." It ranged. Some of it was, "I heard about the cell phone situation, but call my mom," and things like that. The point was they stopped thinking about themselves and moved on to what-- It kind of empowered them. What can I do to make someone else happier? The assumption is you can make someone else happier.

Brian: That's wonderful, Ev. Sounds like you're a good teacher teaching empathy. Elaine, that's one way to teach empathy for all that this conversation, not that there's anything wrong with that, has been focused on how to make ourselves happy when we come back from a vacation and hit the doldrums. There's an exercise for making other people feel happy.

Elaine: I'm so glad she brought that up. That is a great point. Just getting out of yourself a little bit is so helpful. I had coworkers who talked about just doing stuff with their kids, seeing their kids enjoy something, watching them interact with someone else, just having a chance to step outside yourself, volunteering, just having a nice interaction with someone else, giving someone a compliment. These tiny little things are so powerful, I think. I think we have to remember that lots of things are happening to us, but we're also happening to the world as people. How can we affect small changes and try to be outside of ourselves? I think that's such a good point and a good lesson to teach kids.

Brian: Listener writes, "I live in the Bronx and there's a gorgeous tree in front of my bedroom window. When I get up every morning, I say good morning to the tree and thank God for it and the home it provides for birds, squirrels, et cetera." That's a good lesson in not taking for granted something that is nice but is there every day. All right. Here's a tough one. Here's a scenario you may not have thought about when you were writing the article. Listener writes, "So timely. Thank you. What do you do when you come back to your life and it kicks you in the teeth? Just came home from a peaceful weekend to a plumbing emergency. Talk about whiplash."

Elaine: Oh, my gosh. [laughs] I'm sorry to this listener. I totally understand this, though. I feel like I have come back from a wonderful vacation to a work crisis before or to-- [chuckles] The other day, our ceiling caved in after we got back from a trip, our bathroom ceiling, and it was a whole thing. [chuckles] You got to just do your best to get through it. I think having a sense of humor about stuff as much as possible is going to help you.

Also, I'm just such a believer in writing things down, journaling, trying to see either the beauty or the humor in that stuff when it happens because it's sort of funny. You come back from a beautiful vacation, you have this plumbing problem. What a tragic [laughs] series of events that you have to just laugh about and try to get through it, try to move on, talk to people about it. I think even in those situations when life kicks you in the teeth, as the listener writes, getting out of yourself really helps, trying to have some perspective about what you're dealing with, helping someone else, thinking about other people. I think all that stuff, that stuff helps.

Brian: One more text listener writes, "When I return to New York City from a vacation, I often experience a mix of feelings. New York can feel so dirty and loud in contrast, but I find that if I pause and spend a few minutes people watching, I quickly become grateful for the diversity of our city." We will let that be the last thought as we thank Elaine Godfrey, staff writer at The Atlantic. She had that newsletter piece about the letdown that can follow a great vacation and her attempt to bring a bit of that vacation feeling into regular life. Great conversation for the end of July. Thanks a lot for talking to us.

Elaine: Thank you so much.

Brian: That's The Brian Lehrer Show for today, produced by Mary Croke, Lisa Allison, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond and Esperanza Rosenbaum. Zach Gottehrer-Cohen produces our daily politics podcast. Our interns this summer are Vito Emanuel and Adelina Romero. We had Juliana Fonda and Milton Ruiz at the audio control. Stay tuned for Alison.

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