April 1 Extra

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Matt Katz: Welcome back to The Brian Lehrer Show. I'm Matt Katz filling in for Brian today. He's off this week but for a very special reason. He actually joins us now to tell us what that reason is. Hey, Brian. How are you?

Brian Lehrer: I'm great, Matt. Are you enjoying hosting the show?

Matt Katz: Yes, of course. We miss you. As you know, no shortage of news to talk about these days. Do you want to tell everyone why you're off this week?

Brian Lehrer: Yes, Matt. Yes, it does have to do with a breaking news story from the last few weeks.

Matt Katz: Oh, that sounds juicy. What story is that?

Brian Lehrer: Well, Matt, this is opening week of the baseball season. You may have heard the big news as Michael Hill reported on the show that for the first time in around 50 years, the Yankees have changed their policy and have decided to allow players to wear beards.

Matt Katz: Oh, yes, I heard about that. No beards and no long hair, right?

Brian Lehrer: Right, Matt. It was a relic of the 1970s because George Steinbrenner was an Air Force veteran. That was his vibe. He didn't want anybody looking like a hippie. Well, they finally did away with it just a few weeks ago and I thought, "Wow, this is my big chance." You know I have a beard, Matt, right?

Matt Katz: Yes, goatee. A very Boston Red Sox kind of beard, right?

Brian Lehrer: Well, it used to be. Now, a lot of guys wear them. Anyway, I thought this is my big chance to live my dream and play for the Yankees because they're taking guys with beards.

Matt Katz: Yes, I heard you mention this plan with Michael Hill last week. I thought you were kidding.

Brian Lehrer: Yes, I was kidding then, Matt, but then I gave it some thought and I decided, "Let's really go for it. You only live once. What have I got to lose?"

Matt Katz: Brian, with all due respect, aren't you a little old to be trying out for Major League Baseball?

Brian Lehrer: Matt, that is the worst example of ageism I've heard since the people who said Joe Biden was in no shape to debate Donald Trump. Biden showed them, didn't he?

Matt Katz: Brian, I don't exactly think that's a helpful analogy.

Brian Lehrer: Anyway, forget Biden. In pro sports, age is now a virtue. Don't you know about Aaron Rodgers? 40 years old and he was rocking it with the Jets.

Matt Katz: He played just three plays in his first game of the season, ruptured his Achilles and was out for the whole year, and then was slow to come back the next year.

Brian Lehrer: Well, that's one little accident. Someone's going to sign him for next season. Anyway, who cares about Aaron Rodgers? Remember, he was being considered for RFK Jr.'s running mate when Kennedy was running for president last year. If no football team signs him, maybe he'll join Health and Human Services and try to help spread measles and bird flu. Even if that's the case, probably no one will care because nothing matters anymore. Now, I'm lapsing into politics. I just can't help myself. All the young guys, half of them anyway, on the Yankees are injured. It's up to people like me, I figure, who keep in shape to step up.

Matt Katz: You're off this week to try out for the Yankees?

Brian Lehrer: Well, not exactly tryout. Not yet, but it's my big chance because they allow beards. I'm off this week to brush up on my baseball skills. I'm not a very good hitter yet, so I'll have to work on that. My fielding is only so-so, but I played first base on the WNYC softball team many times as you know.

Matt Katz: This doesn't sound very promising so far. Company softball is a lot easier than Major League Baseball.

Brian Lehrer: Ye of little faith, Matt. Once I get the hitting and fielding down, then all I need to do is shore up my running, which is kind of slow, and my throwing. I can't reach home plate from right field yet, but it's all in the practice, and then I'm sure the Yankees will give me a tryout because now they allow beards.

Matt Katz: Well, I am dubious, Brian, but why do you have to be off all week for this? Can't you just practice in the afternoons after the show?

Brian Lehrer: Well, normally, yes, but I'm really going the extra mile to try to live this dream. It helps to have really good vision in baseball. Baseball is pretty small. It moves all over the place if the pitcher is good. I'm getting LASIK surgery. I don't just have 20/20 vision, I'll have 20/10.

Matt Katz: Are baseball players even allowed to surgically alter themselves to enhance their skills like that? Isn't that like taking steroids?

Brian Lehrer: Oh, Matt, steroids are drugs, performance-enhancing drugs. This is just a performance-enhancing procedure, so I'm sure it's okay.

Matt Katz: Well, Brian, I am skeptical of this idea. I thought being a public radio host was your dream.

Brian Lehrer: Yes, it was and it is, but second to playing center field for the Yankees. It's just that WNYC never banned facial hair, so I was allowed to work here.

Matt Katz: Okay. Well, good luck this week. Is there anything else you want to say to the listeners?

Brian Lehrer: Just one thing. April Fools.

Matt Katz: Yes, April Fools. Brian is not really going to try out for the Yankees.

Brian Lehrer: Listeners, did we get you? Did anyone believe I was really going to try to go from the WNYC softball team to the Yankees?

Matt Katz: [chuckles] I, for one, Brian, did not believe you.

Brian Lehrer: Well, thanks for playing along, Matt. Yes, this is my second baseball-themed April Fool's Day. One year, I had a sports writer on the show to talk about the start of the baseball season, which, of course, is this time of year. I told him, "This just in. To make the game faster, they're changing the rules to two strikes and you're out." He believed me for a minute and then we had a good laugh. Actually, I'm out for a minor medical thing this week and I should be back next Monday. Small deal. Enjoy hosting the show.

Matt Katz: Thanks, Brian. I hope you feel good. I hope you enjoy a good week of watching baseball.

Brian Lehrer: Thanks, Matt. Listeners, be nice to the substitute host.

Matt Katz: Thanks to the team at The Brian Lehrer Show. Lisa Allison, Mary Croak, Amina Srna, Carl Boisrond, and Esperanza Rosenbaum. Our intern is Henry Serringer. Juliana Fonda and Milton Ruiz are at the audio controls. I'm Matt Katz. This is The Brian Lehrer Show. Thanks for listening, everybody. Stay tuned for All Of It.

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