Alison Stewart: This is All Of It on WNYC. I'm Alison Stewart. It's one thing to plan your own birthday party, but as a parent, it's another thing to plan one for your kid. You might have to choose a theme, a setting, who to invite from your kid's school, and maybe which parents you actually want to spend time with. Nowadays, how do you stop a group of kids from whipping out their phones at a birthday party instead of socializing together?

We're going to brainstorm some ideas now for how to plan the best birthday party for your kids. Parents, of course, we want to hear your ideas, too. With me now to help us is Anna Fader, founder of the Mommy Poppins family activity website. Nice to meet you.

Anna Fader: Hi. Thank you.

Alison Stewart: We also have Jody Mercier, Mommy Poppins New York regional editor. Welcome, Jody.

Jody Mercier: Thanks so much.

Alison Stewart: All right. Your kid may not ask for one, but why is throwing them a party- why is it worth the stress, Jody?

Jody Mercier: I think it's a celebration for parents as much as it's a celebration for kids. I think it's just always fun to celebrate parenthood and to celebrate your kids and milestones. Yes, sometimes they don't know what they're in for until you put it in front of them.

Alison Stewart: Anna, what are some of the traps of kids' birthday party planning that parents should be cautious about falling into?

Anna Fader: I think birthday party planning is pretty personal. People are coming in at really different places depending on your personal aesthetics, your financial situation, your peer group. The big trap that we fall into in parenting in general is feeling like you have to do something because of other people's expectations. I try to reset my brain and not do that, and do what feels right to me.

Alison Stewart: What do you think about that, Jody?

Jody Mercier: I think that's great advice. You have to do what's right for you and your family and your situation. It's about your kid. Put your kid at the center of it and what they want.

Alison Stewart: Listeners, we want to hear from you. As a parent, have you had to plan one of your kids’ birthday parties? What are important things to know about when successfully planning a party for your kids? Call or text us now at 212-433-WNYC, 212-433-9692. What's the best party you ever threw for your kids? Maybe you have A disaster story. We like those too. Our number is 212-433-9692, 212-433-WNYC. Maybe you have a favorite birthday party from when you were little. Our number is 212-433-9692, 212-433-WNYC.

How much should the idea be what the kid wants versus what the parents themselves feel like they have the energy or the interest in putting into this? What do you think, Jody?

Jody Mercier: That's a good question. I think as parents, we balance so much. I've tried to make my kids dreams come true without making myself a stress ball. I think there's a balance to everything.

Alison Stewart: What do you think, Anna?

Anna Fader: One of my favorite birthday party stories is I think my daughter was around 10, and I had not spaced her birthday party, but had just- was busy and hadn't had time to really plan something. I took her and I think three other friends to Max Brenner Chocolate with the bald man. We just walked in, no reservation. We had dinner there. They do like a chocolate syringe where it's a dessert item where you just basically squirt chocolate directly into your mouth. Then we went home and I think we did a craft and had a sleepover party. Literally, there was zero planning for this event.

Alison Stewart: Oh, my gosh.

Anna Fader: I've never seen happier kids, so I think you can pull it off and do both.

Alison Stewart: Do you remember a party that you were really proud of, Jody, that you went to or that you threw?

Jody Mercier: Most of my favorite parties I had in my girlfriend's backyard. It's like such a privilege to have a friend who has a space, an open source space to my family and my community. We've had graduation parties there, we've had birthday parties, we've had first communions. All of my family's core party memories are definitely about that backyard.

Alison Stewart: Love it. Let's get specific to New York, Jody. What about New York makes it easy to plan a kid's birthday party? What's a unique challenge about living in New York?

Jody Mercier: I would say the thing that makes it easy is you have so many options. You have options where you can totally outsource everything and have somebody do it for you. You have options where you can bring party entertainers to your space. There's a wide variety of ways to approach a party. I think one of the challenges is keeping it in your budget, whatever your budget is.

Alison Stewart: Space, I would think is a problem too, actually.

Jody Mercier: Space is definitely, probably problem number one. I feel like New York City parents are pretty savvy and creative when it comes to spaces.

Alison Stewart: What are some New York locations where people can go to have parties that aren't a lot of money?

Jody Mercier: I think talking about favorite birthday parties, one of ours was my son is a December birthday. It's challenging to have a December birthday.

Alison Stewart: Yes, it is.

Jody Mercier: We kind of embraced the cold. We were like, you know what? He loves football. We're going to have a flag football tournament in the park in the middle of December. It was a blast. It was unexpected. It was cold, but everybody warmed up with running around in the park, cheerleading, having hot chocolate. It was a memorable experience.

Alison Stewart: Anna, do you have any other suggestion for cold birthday parties?

Anna Fader: Well, the parks are always great place to have an affordable birthday party. At Mommy Poppins, we talk actually a lot about high-low options. For instance, you can have an ice skating party, and you can rent the rink, not the whole rink, but they'll give you a party room and everything. To be more affordable, I would just take a bunch of kids ice skating. Bryant Park, it's free. You pay for the rental or whatever. Then we would go to the diner and have hot cocoa. There's always a more affordable way to do the parties that is not the official party way.

Alison Stewart: Oh, I need to hear a couple more of those examples.

Anna Fader: Another example is like at the carousel parties. You can have a fancy birthday party in the glass dome of Jane's Carousel, or you can buy a bunch of tickets, I think they sell them in 10 packs, and then have a picnic on the lawn next to Jane's Carousel. Whatever you want to do, you can always do a non-party version of it.

Alison Stewart: Let's take a couple calls. Tessa is calling us from lower Manhattan. Hi, Tessa. Thanks so much for calling all of it.

Tessa: Hi. Thank you. I actually believe that the smaller the birthday party, the better for children. We generally had the rule of the number of children for the age of our kid. One of the best parties we did was brought the children from her nursery school class here to our apartment. We had soaked chickpeas overnight. They built buildings out of chickpeas and toothpicks, which is a trick my mother had taught me when I was a child. We made a whole town that covered the table, and everybody had a grand time.

Anna Fader: That's really fun. I've never heard about chickpeas. We use mini marshmallows for that.

Alison Stewart: Let's talk to Mads, who's calling from Dumbo. Hi, Mads. Thanks for taking the time to call. All of it.

Mads: Hey, Allison. Thanks. Yes, I'm turning 29 this weekend, which is pretty fun. I've been thinking about all the past birthdays and birthday parties that my creative parents helped organize. One of those memories that popped into my head was pin the something on the something. You can get really creative beyond a tale. My big sister kind of named me after the cartoon Madeline. One year, we did pin the hat on Madeline. When I had a sports-themed birthday, we did pin the basketball in the net. That's a fun thing that everybody can be involved in, and an ageless, timeless thing, too.

Alison Stewart: That's a great suggestion. Thanks so much. This text says, "My favorite birthday party as a kid was sand art, putting layers of different color sand in jars. My mother claims she still finds blue and sand in the carpet 30 years later."

[laughter]

Jody Mercier: I'd believe that.

Alison Stewart: If you're planning for a party and there are two parents involved, how can the process go so that both parents take responsibility, or should there just be one parent who takes responsibility? What do you say?

Jody Mercier: I think whenever we were throwing parties, I was the creative vision in my house. My husband was the errand runner, the wrangler of children, while I got everything set up. We just found ways to divide the tasks so that they catered to each of our strengths.

Alison Stewart: What do you think?

Anna Fader: Well, my husband juggles fire, so that was always his job at the party.

[laughter]

Alison Stewart: Excuse me?

Jody Mercier: You can't make this up.

Alison Stewart: Your husband juggles fire.

Anna Fader: I did really get into birthday parties not because I was-- That was, for me, a big creative outlet. I would kind of produce. They weren't, like, fancy, per se. They were very homespun. We would come up with a theme and kind of go all out. I don't know what year when we realized, wait, Ed juggles fire. We built that into all of our parties moving forward.

Alison Stewart: That sounds awesome. My guests are Anna Fader, founder of the Mommy Poppins website, and NYC Metro Regional editor Jody Mercer. We're discussing how to successfully plan a kid's birthday party. We want to hear from you. Have you planned your kid's birthday party? What's the best birthday party you've ever thrown for your kids or you've been to? Our number is 212-433-9692, 212-433-WNYC. This is a hard one, Jody. How many kids should you invite?

Jody Mercier: You had the caller that mentioned the age of your children. I've heard that rule before. I think that is a good rule. I think when they're little, we tend to feel like we have to include everybody. That's really challenging in New York City.

Alison Stewart: It is.

Jody Mercier: I think the best parties that I've thrown are with the more limited group of friends. I really loved it. Once we got to the age where we could leave the parents out of the invite list might be controversial, but then it becomes more about the kid and their friends instead of you and your friends.

Alison Stewart: Our senior producer said she loved a drop-off party.

Jody Mercier: Oh, as a parent, I love a drop-off party too.

[laughter]

Alison Stewart: Let's talk to Rachel from Rockland County. Hi, Rachel, thanks for calling, all of it.

Rachel: Hi. Thank you for taking my call again. Yes. I was also a theme party mom extraordinaire. I had three kids. This is my sound advice for how many kids. I really agreed with how old they were plus one more. That's what I did with my kids. I started it from a very young age. As they grew up, they knew they were not to expect more kids. My friends, my adult friends knew that if their kids didn't get invited that year, there was a reason. Their kids all knew. Their friends all knew, oh, they're only allowed to invite seven kids. That's her mother's rule. It's just the way it was.

I couldn't handle too many kids. I had the best theme parties in the world. I could go on, which was the best. My friends still tell me I should go in the business. What I hear now, I want to throw one more thing in, the challenge. This is in New York City, too. My daughter is a nanny. The schools are telling parents if you're going to invite one child in the class, you have to invite all the children in the class. My daughter takes care of a little girl who had to invite all the children in her kindergarten and all the children in the before care class as well.

Alison Stewart: I was going to ask about that. Thank you for bringing that up. That is a rule in some schools that you have to invite everyone in the class. Is there a way around it?

Jody Mercier: I feel like that was only the rule if we were going to use school to convey the invitation.

Alison Stewart: Oh, interesting.

Jody Mercier: I never felt obligated by my school to invite the whole class, but I also didn't involve them in my party planning.

Alison Stewart: I have a text here that says, this is for you, Anna, "Teenage boys, how do you please them with a birthday party?"

[laughter]

Anna Fader: There's lots of great places. Area 53 is like a laser tag place that the boy parties, they love that. Not to gender stereotype because that's fun for everybody, but if we're talking boy boys, there's the trampoline parks, also fun for all genders. If you're looking for more active-style parties, the museums do great parties, too. The sleepovers are really nice if you want to do a more going-for-it-all type of party. You could take one kid or two kids and do one of the museum sleepovers. That's really fun, also, for everybody.

Alison Stewart: What other boy-specific stuff? Boys are a little tough.

Jody Mercier: Yes, they are. I would say sports tickets or both Yankee Stadium and Citi Field have tours. You can do behind-the-scenes tours. I did that with my son at one point. It's a lot of fun. You get to go into the locker room, you get to sit in the dugout. Those kind of experiences are really fun. To bring your friends along with you, it's pretty fun.

Alison Stewart: We are talking about kids' birthday parties. We'll have more after a quick break. This is All Of It. You are listening to All Of It on WNYC. I'm Alison Stewart. My guests from Mommy Poppins are Anna Fader and Jody Mercier. We're discussing how to have a successful plan for a kid's birthday party.

I have two sensitive subjects I will ask you both. Let's say a kid is turning one years old. The parents are planning a huge party. The people are realizing this child has no idea there will be a big party happening. Jody, what's the etiquette for hosting a party for a baby?

Jody Mercier: It's not a party for a baby. It's a party for you. You survived the first year. Congratulations. Here's your party.

Alison Stewart: Look at it that way.

Jody Mercier: Yes, 100%. The baby's going to cry. Like the baby's going to get passed around. The baby's going to cry. You're going to try to get that first birthday cake picture. It's going to be a mess.

Anna Fader: That's the one thing I'd say about first birthdays is like, sometimes there's a lot of pressure for that first birthday cake picture. That's what actually makes the party miserable. Let it go. Just let it go.

Alison Stewart: The other question is, you're putting together a party for your kids, and maybe you want to invite some people who don't have kids who are your friends. Is that okay to invite your friends to the party even if they don't have kids?

Jody Mercier: I always invited the aunties, like the honorable family members. We don't have a lot of family in the city, so the friends who became family were always included at our family parties, whether they were kid parties or not.

Alison Stewart: How do you feel about outsiders coming to the party?

Anna Fader: I think it also, this can be a cost issue. It depends what type of party you're doing and do you have space, and all of that. It's also okay to do two parties. Have a family party with your grown-up friends and then have a party that's for the kids.

Alison Stewart: Our third tough question is screens. Young kids like to have their phones out when they're hanging out. What can parents do to avoid screens at parties?

Jody Mercier: That is a hard one. My kids didn't have smartphones till they were 13, so it was just kind of a given that they weren't going to be at our birthday parties. I don't know that I have any good rules to limit it after that.

Anna Fader: I think I also have not seen this as a big issue at parties. If it's certainly okay to say, here's the basket for the phones.

Alison Stewart: Yes, I had that happen. We had one kid bring a phone to a party when my kid was really, really little. They all started gravitating around it, and I was just like, I got to get this out of the room. It will ruin the party, actually.

Jody Mercier: Yes. I think some of those parties are more active and things to do, versus sitting at a restaurant waiting for food to come. You're much less likely to pull out the phone if you're doing laser tag, or at a sporting event, or doing something active together.

Alison Stewart: Let's take a couple more calls. Let's talk to Brooke in Westchester. Hey, Brooke, thanks for calling, all of it.

Brooke: Hi, thanks a lot. The best birthday party we ever had was when we lived in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn. We lived on a street that was only one block long. My wife got a permit to close the street, and we had pony rides for the entire block.

Alison Stewart: Wow, that was impressive. How many ponies did you have?

Brooke: We had three. Then the next year, we had a bounce house. We did the exact same thing the next year, but with a different theme.

Anna Fader: Did you allow neighbors to participate, too, or was it just like, private for your friends?

Brooke: The entire block.

Anna Fader: So fun.

Alison Stewart: Oh, that's great. Brooke, thanks for calling in. Let's talk to Stephanie in Toms River. Hey, Stephanie. Thanks for calling All Of It.

Stephanie: Hi there. I just wanted to say that I think birthday parties can be so over the top. I always like to do it outside to save money. I have a November 30th birthday in my house. Our favorite party was at the park for breakfast. Bagels, coffee, hot chocolate, and it was a total hit. I said dress for the weather. We also did a leaf jumping party for a November baby. Made a huge pile of leaves. The kids had the best time. We did a leaf scavenger hunt. You don't need to do November parties inside. You can bring them outside.

Alison Stewart: That's great, Stephanie. Thanks for that. This says, "When my daughter turned 11, she wanted a pool party. Only problem is her birthday is at the end of April, and we live in New York City. Ended up taking eight girls on the ferry to Weehawken and renting two adjoining hotel rooms at the Sheraton. There we had a sleepover where we ended up having a hotel pool to ourselves until 10:00 PM, and again starting at 9:00 AM. They loved the pool part and the ferry ride."

Anna Fader: That is super fun. Another way to do a pool party, of course, is at the Y. It's actually relatively affordable birthday party option.

Alison Stewart: Let's talk to Kathy, who's calling in from Norwalk. Hi, Kathy, thanks for calling All Of It.

Kathy: Hello.

Alison Stewart: Hello.

Kathy: Hi. My daughter has an August birthday, and we had a sloping backyard. We would go down to Canal Street and buy a giant piece of plastic, a big strip of plastic, and make a slip and slide soaked with baby oil. The kids had a blast.

[laughter]

Jody Mercier: I like that you added the baby oil.

Alison Stewart: I know. I heard that. I was like, "Where's this going? I'm not so sure." [laughs] Thanks for calling in. This question, should the birthday celebrant open the gifts in front of all the guests?

Alison Stewart: That's a no. You got a big no.

Jody Mercier: No way. I never did gifts. It's awkward for the birthday kid. My middle daughter does not like to be the center of attention so she wouldn't want all the eyes on her. It's awkward for the kids who don't have gifts to open. We never did birthday presents during the party?

Alison Stewart: Not during the party.

Jody Mercier: No. We'd wait till everybody went home, and then you can keep track and know who you need to thank. Just a little less chaos and it makes the fun last longer, too.

Alison Stewart: Are you on the same page, Anna?

Anna Fader: I'm trying to remember everything that-- I know that sometimes we did open the presents when it was a smaller party, and I'm thinking of my daughter particular. Maybe she had three or four friends over and opening the presents together was part of thething they wanted to do.

Alison Stewart: How far in advance should invitations go out?

Jody Mercier: I'd say maybe a month.

Alison Stewart: A month out? You have to be planning a month out? Yes?

Anna Fader: I'm more of a type B mom.

[laughter]

Alison Stewart: Type A mom is a month? Type B?

Anna Fader: I have to say I've also made some. Some of my most regrettable birthday party faux pas was I did-- because I would do email invitations. Basically, I just email the other parents. I did have a parent who we had to change the date for some reason, and she didn't get the email. She came the day after the party. I still cry about that. Not literally cry, but I still feel really bad.

Alison Stewart: All right, let's hear your worst-case birthday celebration.

Jody Mercier: Like the worst birthday party we ever had?

Alison Stewart: Yes.

Jody Mercier: We had the cops called on a second-grader's birthday party one time.

Alison Stewart: Oh, tell us more [laughs].

Jody Mercier: We have an unfortunate downstairs neighbor. It was probably too big for our apartment party, but it was a Monday afternoon, a school day. It was four o'clock in the afternoon, and the police showed up at my door. It was supposed to be a Star Wars movie party, so it should have been a relatively calm situation. A bunch of second graders watching Star Wars eventually got ahold of the lightsabers. Maybe there was some lightsaber battles happening in the hallway.

Alison Stewart: Could have been. Maybe. I didn't see it [chuckles].

Jody Mercier: When the Police showed up and saw the chaos, and they're like, "We've had a complaint," I'm like, "It's Monday at 4:00 PM." They're like, "When is the party over, ma'am?" I'm like, "At six o'clock. It's a school night." They're like, great, have a nice day."

Alison Stewart: [chuckles] Let's talk to Deborah from Croton-on-Hudson. Hi, Deborah, thanks for calling All Of It.

Deborah: Hi. We always had some out-of-the-box birthday parties. This one memorable one, I think my daughter was around eight, we had a murder mystery party. At the end, my husband was deemed guilty. What he didn't know is that I had called the police department in my little village in northern Westchester and they were kind enough to send an officer over to our driveway and handcuffed my husband, put him in the car and drove away.

Alison Stewart: Wow, that's little town living, I got to tell you. What kind of food should we have at parties? What are you thinking these days?

Jody Mercier: I think stuff that you can fix it and forget it. I don't want to be fussing in the kitchen. I want to be enjoying the party too.

Alison Stewart: What do you think about birthday cake?

Anna Fader: I love birthday cake. Birthday cakes, pre-bought birthday cakes can be pricey.

Alison Stewart: Yes.

Anna Fader: I sometimes would buy Whole Foods cupcakes. You can even let the kids decorate them. That's a more affordable option and still just as good.

Alison Stewart: Yes, all my kids love-- They did that. It was so much fun. "We threw my 10-year-old a Rick Astley birthday party. Never Gonna Give You Up played over and over. Sunglasses, Rick Astley buttons, and cake." Let's talk to Kathy in Franklin Township, New Jersey. Hi, Kathy.

Kathy: Hi. I had an eight-year-old boy party with eight boys. Of course, eight-year-old boys become kind of a gang. I had hired a storyteller to start telling stories. Halfway through, the boys exited to downstairs to the playroom, started throwing couch cushions. Initially, I tried to rope them back in. Finally, I just said, just go for it. They did that till their parents came. When the parents came, they said, "This is the best birthday party we ever went to."

Alison Stewart: Aww, that's a great story. Thanks so much. For people who want more information, could you give them your website?

Anna Fader: It's mommypoppins.com, and yes, we have a birthday party guide there with both local activity places and also homespun party ideas.

Alison Stewart: Anna Fader and Jody Mercier, thanks for your time today.

Anna Fader: Thank you.

Jody Mercier: Thank you so much.

Alison Stewart: That is All Of It. All Of It is produced by Andrea Duncan-Mao, Kate Hinss, Jordan Lauf, Simon Close, Zach Gottehrer-Cohen, L. Malik Anderson, and Luke Green. Megan Ryan is the head of Live Radio. Our engineer is Shayna Sengstock. We had production help from Jason Isaac.

If you missed any of our segments this week, catch up by listening to our podcast available on your podcast platform of choice. If you like what you hear, please leave us a great rating. I'm Alison Stewart. I appreciate you listening, and I appreciate you. I will meet you back here next time.