Melissa: You're listening to The Takeaway, I'm Melissa-Harris Perry.
It's Valentine's Day, which means that an elementary school classrooms across the country, students are going to be stuffing, decorating shoe boxes with tiny envelopes carrying sweet messages of love.
Kim: Most people who have been in the first grade in an American classroom might remember these. They're the tiny little heart, chalky hearts that maybe come in a box and you would scribble your name on them and hand them to somebody in your classrooms for those who're they have different models on them, like Kiss Me or, You're Mine, or whatever. They're broadly called The Conversation Hearts. My name is Kim Severson and I'm a national food correspondent for The New York Times.
Melissa: How can these conversational candy hearts tell us something about the state of contemporary love?
Kim: Well, they've been around for well over 100 years and they've changed with the times. We've had Call Me and then it became Fax Me, Page Me, Email Me, and Text Me. We have a little bit of an arc of how we've changed and how we communicate with each other. It also, I think, shows how we talk to each other about love, and interestingly, from the pandemic has come a new way of communicating with these hearts. Instead of a lot of romantic love, they started offering phrases that were supportive, like You're the Best and Good Job, supportive friendship hearts.
Melissa: I can distinctly remember wanting Aaron in the eighth grade to send me one that said, Be Mine.
Kim: Oh, wouldn't that be something? I always like Cutie Pie, too. I thought those were flirty and fun. The Be Mine I know, if only. I wonder where Aaron is now.
Melissa: [laughs] Now, I'm going to have to go and check my Facebook page and see if I can connect back through my eighth-grade friends.
Kim: It might be regretful. Regretful, he never gave you that heart.
Melissa: It's true, it's true. What are there things that we had seen in the past that we will not see on our conversational hearts now?
Kim: In the 1980s, they stopped the phrase You're Gay, for obvious reasons. Hubba Hubba and they were phrases like 23 Skidoo, which I don't think people would understand now. There was Excuse my Dust. Weirdly, in the 1950s, they had My Aching Back. I don't quite know what they meant with that. You Go, Girl, I think is a little dated now. On Fleek, those sorts of things you wouldn't see. You really do see the rhythm of how we talk and the phraseology of what's current. Always, always, there's those You are Mine, Cutie Pie, Be Mine, Kiss Me, and all the sweet talk are still included in the mix.
Melissa: Some of them now are really about love for our pets that like Pawsome and Purfect spelled with a P-U-R. I'm wondering what you think that means about how we even celebrate or imagine what Valentine's Day is all about.
Kim: The company started adding those pet things as an homage to all the people who got pets during the pandemic. I talked to Helen Fisher, who's a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. She says the candy hearts really are expressing this big societal change to this idea of attachment. We all want romantic love, of course, but there's a sense of wanting to settle down, have some solid relationships, and be attached to people, pets, things. We're not only looking for romantic love, but we're looking for long-term attachment. Her theory is that the trend in candy hearts are an example of this.
Melissa: Quick break right here. More on Valentine's Day Takeaway when we come back.
[music]
You're listening to The Takeaway and we've been talking with Kim Severson about what the message is on Valentine's Day candy hearts say about love today. They stay still those in the private personal run like there's no Join my Union. It's still not attachment in a professional context, for example.
Kim: Right. I don't think you can have-- HR is the best. I don't know that would be seeing those kinds of hearts or we should have one that says Turn Yourself into HR or maybe Can I Borrow Your Pen or Excellent PowerPoint. I just can't see those on the hearts.
Melissa: That's right. I do. Thanks for Leaving your Camera on During the Zoom Meetings because, in certain ways, those become the ways that we're now connecting.
Kim: Yes, like cover my shift. I don't think that's going to be on there.
Melissa: That's a lot of letters though for the candy hearts. Kim, do you have either a favorite message or one that if you were put in charge with the Magic Wand of putting candy heart conversational messages that you would bestow for 2023?
Kim: Oh, man, you're putting me on the spot. For 2023, I just wish one would say It's All Going to be Okay. It's not romantic, but I feel like we all just need some assurance these days, like It's Okay. Don't Worry.
Melissa: I love that It's Okay. Yes, it's a really sweet message that you can then give to lots of people. I love that, it's all going to be okay. Kim Severson is a food correspondent for The New York Times. Kim, thank you for your time today.
Kim: Thank you. I hearted this conversation so much.
Melissa: Happy Valentine's Day, Kim.
Kim: You, too.
Melissa: On this Valentine's Day, we asked for your messages to your bae this year.
[music]
Encarnacion: This is Encarnacion calling from Denton. Nacho, mi amor, it's not only your humor, your kindness, it's not just your intellect or your very fine body. It goes beyond the fact that I fall in love with you again and again. Your goodness has made me believe in love during hard time. Not only romantic love but also the love of friendship, kinship, and community. Feliz San Valentin, mi amor. I remain the Encarnacion to your Nacho.
Lynette: My name is Lynette, I'm calling from Richmond, Virginia. My message is to my boo, Larry. I did not have the wisdom to ask God to get to me a good man, but I was gifted. You are my evidence of God's love for me. Thank you. I love you, Larry.
Tom: Hi, this is Tom, I'm calling from Vista, California. My wife is gone off with her sisters on a trip together and I hid in her luggage my Valentine's card, which says that if I had to do it all over again, I would just change one thing. I would start earlier so I could love you longer.
John: My name is John from Syracuse, New York. My message to my fiancee is thank you so much for persevering over the last few years and I really can't wait to marry you this summer. I love you so much and I hope you hear this on your drive into work this morning.
Allison: I'm Allison from Stanton, Virginia and my message from my Valentine Bill is that I'm so thankful to him for always encouraging me to reach for more. Though you are such a bright light in the lives of everyone who knows and loves you, and I hope you have a wonderful day.
Larry: Larry, St. Paul. There's a song I wrote in 1971.
[singing] Would you be my Valentine?
Would you be a friend of mine?
That's the color of my heart
I like you for a start
We could go most anywhere
I would go do a castle in the air
We could fly around the sun
And look down on everyone
So be my, be my Valentine
You can be a friend of mine
Be a, be a friend of mine
You can be my Valentine
Be mine, be mine
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