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Priscilla Alabi: It was a Friday afternoon. Everybody is excited because it's the weekend. We get to class, they say don't get settled yet because we're going to go downstairs and do the privilege exercise. They tell us to all stand next to each other in a horizontal line and hold hands. I was just like, "I like moving. This is exciting. This is fun. This is different."

David Remnick: Priscilla Alabi is a radio producer. She was the first in her family to go to college. One afternoon during her sophomore year, the entire class was asked to participate in something called the privilege walk.

Priscilla: My teachers basically, I do not remember them giving us any warning or prepping us in any way. They said, "Okay guys, listen carefully. If one or both of your parents graduated from college, take one step forward. If you knew since you were a child that it was expected of you to go to college, take one step forward. If you are going to be the first person in your immediate family to graduate from college, take one step back. If you started school speaking a language other than English, take one step back. If you feel certain that you will not be followed harassed or watched under close surveillance while shopping, take one step forward."

Those memories just flooded back to me, these bad things happening to me and I remember just seeing the lighter of my classmates just moving forward. I would remember these horrible memories and then I would have to step back. My taking a step backward meant that the chain was broken, I couldn't keep holding hands to the person next to me. I could see them going forward but they couldn't see me going backward. By the end of those 20 minutes, the people in the front were asked to turn around. My friend and myself, who are two Black women, were the only ones at the back of the room.

Remnick: This all happened more than a decade ago, but Priscilla remembers it as if it were yesterday.

Priscilla: I remember saying to my friend, "Oh my God, I'm so upset. I can't believe this just happened with my Friday." We felt so naked. I don't think I started to process it until we went back upstairs. We all sat back down and started to go around the circle and debrief and talk about the experience that we just had. I couldn't stop the tears, I just was a puddle of water. Most people are facing the front, they don't see that there are people behind them. They don't see that there are people who are taking steps forward but can never catch up. They don't see the inequities, they just think everybody is just like them walking through life.

Remnick: The privilege walk exercise is still used on campuses. It's designed to show how power and economic advantage affect students' lives. Élite schools are trying hard to recruit students of color and students who are less off financially; Yale University, for example, now covers full tuition for families making less than $75,000 a year. Yet, the reality is that for many students of color, students who are in one way or another, minorities, getting a higher education can feel like taking one step forward and then one step back. The Radio Hour's producer KalaLea has been exploring that experience and in her reporting, she came to know a student named Manny.

Manny Rodriguez: My name is Manny Rodriguez. I'm actually a senior at a liberal arts college in the Northeast.

KalaLea: Manny is a young Puerto Rican gay man on a predominantly white and straight college campus.

Manny: It's only recently that this school has actually made it a point to look for certain students like myself.

KalaLea: I met him through my partner, a professor, who was assigned to be Manny's mentor. He's part of a growing group of students of color enrolled at private colleges. He goes to Trinity College in Connecticut. At Trinity in the 1960s, people of color were only about 4% of students. In 2019, that number was 20%. Seems like a good amount of progress, right? But what's the experience of those students and how much has it changed? There's a book, it's called The Privileged Poor by Anthony Jack. It asks some hard questions about the efforts of selective private schools to diversify. When it comes to students like Manny, is admission or even a full scholarship enough?

Manny: How are you doing?

KalaLea: I'm fine.

Manny: Where should we go?

KalaLea: The quietest place possible. I would love to see where you're staying. When I learned that Manny would be staying on campus during the holiday break, I asked if I could spend some time with him.

Manny: This is where the students stay, and I stay in this 1213.

KalaLea: While the majority of his classmates were gearing up to go home and see their family and friends, Manny would be staying longer to earn a little extra money at his three part-time jobs.

Manny: As the years have gone, I have decorated less and less and less because I'm just here for the space. Feel free to sit wherever you want.

KalaLea: Thank you. I'm going to put my bag there.

[background conversation]

His dorm room is pretty clean for a college student. It's decorated with flowers, Christmas lights, affirmation on Post-it notes, some family photos, and a huge Puerto Rican flag. Tell me about this flag.

Manny: I keep a flag on the wall just to remind myself of my roots and where I'm from. I hope to go there one day very soon actually.

KalaLea: Manny's never been to Puerto Rico but he says he's all about the culture. Just about every time we speak, he complains about the food on campus.

Manny: In our dining hall, there's all these extravagant foods. They have a sushi section, a smoothie section, a sandwich section. I don't think the food is bad, I don't, but I don't eat sandwiches, I don't eat burgers. I've never really had them.

KalaLea: Burgers?

Manny: Yes, burgers.

KalaLea: What kind of food were you interested in when you came here? What would be the ideal if the dining hall had what Manny wanted to eat? What would they have?

Manny: I eat a lot of Puerto Rican food like pechuga which is chicken breasts. Arroz con gandules, rice and beans. I love chuletas which is the pork chops I was telling you about. Empanada and yuca. All these different cultural foods, that was what my grandmother made and I just want to hold on to that.

KalaLea: Manny was raised in Brooklyn New York. His parents were teenagers in high school when he was conceived.

Manny: They were very young and they hadn't finished their education or gone to school.

KalaLea: Over time, Manny became a big brother. His mom, she never seemed to have enough money.

Manny: I always thought she was playing. "Why are you telling me you have no money? If we have no money, how am I living? How are we surviving?" I would actually get really angry because I'm like, "Don't parents have money?"

KalaLea: Manny figured out pretty early that he wanted to go to college. With the help from the Posse Foundation, a non-profit organization, Manny was awarded a full-tuition scholarship. His parents drove him up to Connecticut.

Manny: It was definitely a shock. Immediately, the first thing I noticed was how many white students there were. That was a big transition for me. I did have some other

Posse students and so that definitely did alleviate some of the stresses and anxiety of the social life, but in reality, it was very scary.

KalaLea: At Manny's high school, all of the students were just like him, low income and non-white.

Manny: I knew that I hadn't been living in the real world for most of my life. I made it a point to start college in a way that was different.

KalaLea: Manny requested a roommate knowing that he would probably be white.

Manny: He was different. He came from a rural area in New Hampshire. I have my New York accent and he was not very fond of that. He would express physical confusion with what I said. He honestly didn't understand my dialect.

KalaLea: Manny taught his new roommate a thing or two about New York and his roommate Jack invited him to his rowing competitions.

Manny: Because of that, we were able to get really close actually. Even today, we are very, very close.

KalaLea: Well, getting a full-ride is huge especially for a working-class family. Just the basic cost of living for any college student can be outrageous.

Manny: I have three jobs on campus because I, for the most part, support myself.

KalaLea: What are some of the things that you pay for on your own?

Manny: I pay my phone bill. I pay for the food and the clothes that I have here. I buy my flights.

KalaLea: Right around the time he started college, Manny's mother moved to Florida. They're very close but now it was much more difficult for him to see her and pretty expensive too.

Manny: In a lot of ways, there's a perception that I don't need the help and that I have myself together. I don't, but I do want them to focus on my siblings and I need to make money. How are you doing?

KalaLea: Good. How are you doing?

Manny: I'm good.

KalaLea: Good morning.

KalaLea: Today is the last full day of classes before the holiday break. What class are we going to now?

Manny: Right now we're going to my biology class. It's called genes, clones, and biotechnology. It usually runs from 9:25 to 10:40. Right now it's 9:40.

KalaLea: Manny is late for class because he had to go to the DMV for the second time this semester.

Manny: On the weekend, I basically lost my wallet and I'm so upset. It didn't have much in it.

KalaLea: This time he lost his license. The first time a few months back, it was stolen.

Manny: I was robbed at gunpoint in my own neighborhood. They took my phone and they took my money and they took my bag.

KalaLea: It happened near his father's place in Brooklyn. Many felt that he was targeted as a gay man because of something the robber said. In addition to the cash from his last paycheck, his wallet had a student ID in it.

Manny: "Hello. My ID was stolen. Can I please get a new one?" and they were asking me for money. I didn't want to have to tell them that I was robbed, but they weren't understanding me. I had to get into details that I would have rather avoided.

KalaLea: The school still didn't agree to waive the fee. He had to wait a week and ask an adult he trusted to intervene. Eventually, he got a free replacement but the humiliation and the delay on top of his stolen paycheck, it really hurt, and having to share the details only added to the stress he already feels about being a queer person of color on campus.

Manny: A student came out with an article basically being very transphobic; speaking about the issues surrounding trans women in sports and athletics and so there's a lot of ignorance, I would say, and a lot of just open bigotry. I along with many of my peers don't see this as, "We can have a difference in opinion and that's it." This is our lives. There's been other moments where students have had their flags taken down. The Pride flag was ripped down one day from the resource queer resource center that we have here. There was a Dominican flag from a student that was torn down. It's is an example that validates the fears of so many students.

KalaLea: It's starting to get dark. It's almost five o'clock and he gets off at five. Manny has a class that starts exactly when it's time for him to leave his job. We're going to be walking really fast maybe even running, he said, so that he can make it before the door's closed.

KalaLea: Hi.

Manny: It's dark now.

KalaLea: It is dark now, yes. How was work?

Manny: Let's say it was good. Around 5:00 PM, a lot of parents rush--

KalaLea: His insane schedule makes it very difficult to get the support he needs from faculty and others.

Manny: I don't utilize office hours as much as I know that should. I find myself so hectic all the time and it also depends on who the professor is. I may not feel too comfortable. I might want to have a professor one-on-one and in their office hours, they might have multiple students. I was nervous in class to ask and answer questions. I don't want to be the dumb student of color. I don't want to be the one to ask the stupid question or give the stupid response and so I felt the need to go to my professor's office hours. Tell him, "I need you to know that it's not that I don't care, but it's just really difficult for me." He tried to tell me, "Everyone has these questions, don't worry," but I don't think so. I have to go to this store but it's--

KalaLea: By the time we make it was five o'clock class, the building is closed. Why? You're locked out?

Manny: I'm locked out. Well, I have somebody's number. This happens to us all the time.

KalaLea: Oh God.

Manny: It's because the door is all closed at 5:00 PM.

KalaLea: I can't imagine his peers having to do all of this in one day; class, class, work, class, work, and more class.

?Student 2: I feel so tired. [sighs]

KalaLea: There are no more classes the following morning and the campus, it's pretty bare. Good morning.

Manny: Good morning.

KalaLea: How are you?

Manny: I'm good.

KalaLea: I met up with Manny just before 8:00 AM at the daycare center where he's about to work a full eight-hour shift.

Manny: It's a little harder to be as excited, but I actually feel good that someone else can take the day off and relax and I can help them in that way.

[background conversation]

KalaLea: Earlier, Manny told me that if he didn't get a scholarship to school, he'd probably be at a daycare center like his mom or maybe in retail.

[background conversation]

KalaLea: You actually have to have three jobs or you want to have three jobs? If you had one job would that be enough?

Manny: I don't think so.

KalaLea: Or two jobs.

Manny: I don't think so because there's a lot of things that I need to be buying now as someone that is practically an adult, it's scary to say. I don't want my siblings to think I don't care. They're so young, they don't understand.

KalaLea: He's got five younger brothers and sisters and for the holidays it's really important for him to contribute something.

Manny: I want to maintain some type of normalcy and I reject the idea that I can't participate in certain things now because I'm too poor. I want to when I deserve to celebrate and be happy and do things that anyone else can do. Christmas is about family.

KalaLea: Manny is hyper-aware that getting a degree will not only improve his chances of having a better life, it could affect the lives of his entire family. They're the ones who inspire him to keep going. Do you think that you are going to be a person that stays in touch, this is your senior year?

Manny: Yes.

KalaLea: Are you going to come back for reunion? Are you going to come back to see friends, to visit the rowing club?

Manny: Yes.

KalaLea: Now a feeling that you have now. [crosstalk]

Manny: Right now I don't feel like I'm going to be a student that comes back, that donates, that's very involved in the alumni network. I think that's in part because of my mentality right now. I appreciate the education here and everything but it's really taken a toll on me. I feel I have struggled to finish and I'm going to be crawling on my graduation day. [music]

KalaLea: I asked Manny how the college could have made his experience less exhausting so that he wasn't reduced to crawling by the end of it. He mentioned a couple of things like hiring a more diverse staff or doing some kind of sensitivity training for the tenured faculty but there's so much more. Private colleges are generally set up for certain types of students especially ones who don't have to work to support themselves while at school. In his book, The Privileged Poor, Anthony Jack writes, "The elite college must change, adapt and grow right along with its changing student body. Yes, scholarships cost schools money but changing the culture of an old institution might be tougher still but that doesn't mean it's impossible." Manny didn't have the luxury of choosing Trinity College, it chose him. Despite the challenges, he's glad it did.

Manny: I am blessed to be here and I have to remind myself often.

Remnick: Manny Rodriguez, The Radio Hour's KalaLea began interviewing him in 2019. Manny graduated from Trinity College last year and he's now working on a master's in education at Johns Hopkins University.

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[00:21:48] [END OF AUDIO]

 

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