Number 3. Working. So, I just graduated college, shout out to Lincoln University, HBCU, and I'm afraid of working. No I'm not afraid of finding a job, I'm afraid of getting a job and me just being miserable and me questioning, "Oh Jasmine, you should have followed that passion!" Honestly I haven't found my passion yet, and I'm afraid that I may not find it. When I get those quiet moments, I critique my every action, because I'm a very thoughtful person and not the good thoughtful, like the over thinking thoughtful.
Number 4. Can it, okay can it be controversial? Okay. Not caring whether or not America gets blown to smithereens by Korea.
I mean of course I wish I wasn't in the country when this happens, but I mean.
Number 5. Adulting. Out of the five children, I'm the one who's actually left the nest. So, living with my boyfriend, my parents, my mom has been more accepting of it, of course, as opposed to my father. It actually took me two years into the relationship to actually tell my father that I had a boyfriend because it is my first boyfriend. We met in college. If I fail, I'm scared that my parents will feel disappointed. No matter how much they tell me they're proud of me, when my parents are disappointed, it's just like the brows furrow in unison. It's like it's choreographed or something. But the thing is -- when my fathers disappointed, he doesn't vocalize it at all. He'll vocalize it to my mom and then my mom will come tell us about how he's feeling.
Number 6. Reboots. They’re cringe-worthy. It’s like everything is being rebooted. Rugrats, yes. Oh my God, I’m not watching it.
Number 7. My existence as a black woman in America. Just all the nonsense that's happening in terms of um the killings of unarmed black men and women. So my father, he grew up in a household that loved the news, like any time there is an instance of, say, Trump doing some crazy thing, I feel like those instances act as like a brick for the wall that he tries to put up against the world, and in turn that made us scared about the world. So, it’s so hard to explain my dad man, like he told me, never, never let a boy call you beautiful because they only want one thing. So I think that made me put like a wall up in terms of seeking relationships.
Number 8. Texts that have cliffhanger tendencies. Like our phones are literally attached to our hip, so the fact that you're hitting me with the "dot dot dot" and it’s not getting to me fast enough, it can be anxiety filled. Even with emojis, I feel like the message can get misconstrued and I'd rather talk about it in person, honestly.
Number 9. Death.
Number 10. The series finale of Insecure. I love Insecure. For me, it it celebrates like the multiplicity of blackness. Like it's not this singular thing. Because in high school, I was kind of like considered an Oreo because I didn't have like a Brooklyn accent. In Insecure, I see the awkward black girl. She doesn't know how to dance or anything and she's, she's still trying to find her way in life.
My name is Jasmine Newton and these are the 10 things that scare me.